To think this is neglectful parenting?

The most likely occurrence is she didn’t sleep until 12 - he did.

Its slack and rubbish and would make me wonder about all the other corners he’s cutting.

If it was a day to day occurrence, then yes it could be classed as a form of neglect. Inconsistent parenting is a term sometimes used. This formed part of why my adopted DS ended up in care. If it happens on a regular basis it is not good for the child, they need boundaries and consistency. It caused my DS extreme anxiety as he didn't know what to expect on a day to day basis.

As long as the time spent with you is better organised then you child should be fine. If you can get hold of any leaflets on child development and why consistency is good, and pass them on to the other parent, they may see why it's helpful and try to keep to a routine.

How long did she go without food?

For goodness sake it’s absolutely not neglect and disrespectful to children who actually are being neglected to suggest that it is. In Spain it is very normal for children to have a late nap, go out for meals at 9pm and stay up very late. Different cultures, different parenting. Not one right or wrong. Would be slightly different if she was at school and sleeping in for school or tired during the day but she’s two, is she was tired she would have fell asleep. As long as she’s not being kept up against her will and isn’t hungry it’s not neglect.

I think you got an uphill battle ahead. Co parenting is great when you’re both on the same page. She is with you majority so hopefully your routine prevails.

maybe try again approaching your ex about you needing his support with your daughters routine?

I had it the opposite rules and routine In my house (step kids) feral at mums no bed times, no eating with knives and forks, no regular wash routine. Then they’d bitch like fuck when they’d come have a bed time, have to eat with manners and correctly and be forced to wash as they wouldn’t without being forced 🙄

it’s frustrating as fuck when someone doesn’t agree with you re what’s the right way. I never passed comment on her “relaxed” parenting style but when my rules were questioned safe to say I told her to worry about her own house and keep her snout out of mine. Unless you have a worry for their safety butt out!

Your final sentence is a nasty thing to say.

It's not ideal at all, its poor parenting in my eyes. However, I would worry that if you stopped contact and he went to court he would get even more time with her (up to 50%) and the communication between you may break down further. I'm sorry to say I don't think the courts will care about what time he puts her to bed or what time he feeds her, they will say contact with her father is more important (court is not an easy option at all).
I would probably keep things the way they are a keep reminding him what she needs.

It wouldn’t meet the threshold for neglect I don’t think. It would drive me absolutely up the walls though, at the end of the day your child is suffering for it - you have my sympathy.

Your not going to be able to withhold access for this. Your going to have to go another way.

What is the mother like? Could you enlist her support? What would happen if you spoke to him completely unemotionally and with no blame, focussing on the impact of this lack of routine on your child?

Well, what do you propose?

You can't make him have a routine.

It is all well and good? If there were nursery on his weekends, he’d have a routine. There is no reason to have a routine when it isn’t a nursery day.

I get up at 4:30am and am in bed by 9pm on a work day…I’m sure as hell not going to follow this routine on the weekend. My exhaustion isn’t from not following this routine 7 days a week, it’s from the fact i have an early start on most days.

Would he agree to go with you ( not that you should have to do this btw ) to a parenting course? It may help him hearing the benefits of how you Parent from someone in a professional position?

It's all well and good for no routine to suit dad when he's not dealing with nursery runs.

My eldest daughter as a toddler went to sleep by 5.30 in the evening and If I didn't wake her to go to school she would sleep until lunch time. She loved her sleep and her bed. As a 40 year old woman she still does.
Not all kids are the same . Perhaps not having a nap or a later bed time with dad means she is tired. He is entitled to parent differently. my neighbours kids were up all hours had absolutely no routine at all, it was their way of parenting. No one is right or wrong and maybe mums routine doesn't suit dads lifestyle.

As the routine and access changes over time, try f to make him responsible for the consequences of this. Example: you keep her up late, you still have to get her to school.

I wouldn't be happy about his "parenting" but tbh there's not a lot you can do other than ask him to keep her to your routine. In my experience though, the more he sees it annoys you, the more he'll do it!

Unfortunately this is just something you're going to have to come to terms with as a separated parent.

You can't make him stick to your routine or tell him what he can and can't do during his time with her - just like he can't tell you what to do while you're caring for her either.

I saw and responded.

This is absolute 💩 madness!

I'm sorry that you're getting bashed! Parenting styles do vary! But allowing your toddler to miss two meals is neglect!

He's clearly too lazy to make the effort to follow your bedtime routine and schedule full stop!

You need some harsh words with him.... I think stopping contact before trying to sort it is a little harsh.... but it can't continue.... she'll be at play school soon... what's his plan? The afternoon session 🤦‍♀️😟

I don’t think a lie in until noon on every other Sunday is making her tired for 7:30am nursery during the weekdays. I think it’s just a very early start for a 2yr old.

Wouldnt she be even more tired if she were up at 7am on those Sundays?

The exhaustion is more likely the weekday early starts than the once a fortnight late night followed by lie in.

Yes it's agreed she needs to be in a routine

But this is how life can be for co-parents

We have all faced these obstacles unfortunately

As a one off every other weekend I don’t think it’s any different from any of us having a weekend lie in? Or a late night to just muck about?

Routines are great when they are for a reason, like to be rested for work or nursery/school, but strict routine for the sake of a routine even when on a holiday or weekend isn’t necessary and can be too restrictive.

I think it’s healthy for children to have a bit of both. A break from routine now and then isn’t neglectful. If she were hungry, she would have woken up and asked for food so missing breakfast and having a late lunch isn’t neglectful. The nappy might be, but then if she’s not filling it while she sleeps, it’s not really.

I don't think anyone thinks it's ok, but there's a big gulf between ok and neglect.