To think this is neglectful parenting?

OP you should have asked if it would be unreasonable to say you won't disrupt your child's bedtime routine to take her to your mother in law's celebration dinner. You'd have been told absolutely not and she doesn't understand the importance of routine 🤣

I think it’s just the word “neglect” which means a child is harmed physically or developmentally because of inadequate care. It’s a legal term. It warrants police involvement/social services. Does this meet the threshold?

Torally agree that it is poor parenting and a red flag to look out for more. It’s not a different parenting style / I don’t agree with that at all. Messing with a toddlers eat and sleep routine - to that extent.

Fuck sake. If this was a complete one off I'd say you were being harsh but every other weekend... he's taking the piss.
Surely anyone who has had toddlers can understand how this messes up the routine you work hard to put in place?
DS has been up late, only for holidays or special occasions, and it throws him for at least two days after. And he's not putting up with the over tiredness afterwards is he?
I'd personally not stop contact completely but wouldn't allow any overnights unless he can pull his finger out of his arse.

When DS has stayed up late he may have slept in a little, around an hour after his usual time. But not 12. This woman, the resident parent says this toddler usually wakes no later than 8. I believe her. This isn't a difference in parenting. This him will being shit. Leaving a toddler for 4 hours is shit parenting.

It is surprisingly late. My eldest stayed up for midnight mass at that age and only slept until 9am, they are all different though.

I think people are interpreting your question in two different ways:

• is this neglect in terms of the court definition to withhold contact - no
• is this shit lazy parenting - definitely.

I would put your concerns to him in writing (text or email) and keep a log of incidents like this.

That way you have a paper trail. I would attempt to offer advice or solutions rather than just berate him.
Basically view any contact you have with him through the lense of someone who may one day have to make a decision about this.

It won't be good for your daughter long term and will be problematic as she gets older.

I'd give him opportunities to address it and if it doesn't improve I'd pay a solicitor to write a legal letter stating he can't have her over night.

This can of course be challenged and isn't binding. I'm just wondering from the perspective of the person you have described if he would bother to get his own solicitor to do this? Maintain day time contact though.

Your DD has a right to a relationship with her father. What you describe may not be ideal in your eyes (or mine!) but she's not being harmed by it from the information you've given.

Stopping contact between your DD and her father in this situation is not fair to your daughter so please don't do it. Having a start/stop relationship with her father is likely to be more harmful to her in the long run.

You may just have different parenting styles. I know it can be hard to accept when someone doesn't do something your way but it doesn't mean it's wrong. It's just different. Can you talk to him about your concerns? If he was pleased with himself he might really be trying and thinking he's done a good job but just not have a clue. Perhaps he needs some guidance/assistance?

Good luck.

I disagree. Not meeting usual meal times and changing her as frequently as she should be is low level neglect. Shall we ingore forms of neglect unless it’s severe? No, of course not because that is absolutely ridiculous.

Yes, culturally in Spain it is very different but that’s as a country on the whole. In Spain it’s a social norm not just for children but for adults and children alike to nap/rest/ take a break and for shops and businesses to close and then reopen until later on in the day. Hence, why later bedtimes etc is common. This isn’t Spain and not remotely the same as what we are talking about here. Routine is vital for children and as she has such a necessary structured routine the majority of the time at her mother’s house, the child will be used to sleeping/waking/ eating at certain times. Her body clock will be used to a certain amount of sleep that she will rely on to function in her day to day life. Her metabolism will be used to eating certain times of the day, again to function. She may be a toddler but she is human after all and adults and children alike benefit from healthy eating and sleep schedules for a reason. I cannot believe I have to explain this basic science to another adult who has the apparent brain power to be disrespectful to a good, hardworking and caring mother that’s concerned for her child’s well-being; but not to consider why it would be neglectful to hamper a child’s routine when it will make that child’s life difficult. So yes, that’s neglect. It’s not disrespectful to “actually” neglected and by that I think you mean severely neglected children. Neglect is neglect, minor or severe. Get some standards for goodness sake. All children deserve a good quality of life and this shit show father isn’t meeting that for his child.

Because it's obviously affecting the child following Monday and it's mum who has to manage this. I get that there's nothing that the OP can do but it is shit parenting.

Blimey he sounds super irritating. Can you print out an hourly schedule and provide bagged lunches/breakfasts etc. I’d insist that an approximate schedule was kept to and think a bath is the best way to end a day for a little one. How’s he going to manage school runs when the time comes?

Sounds tough for you. I would feel upset too. I’d be worried the little one had woken up and been ignored for ages and consequently under stimulated (or over stimulated with a screen) which is neglectful in my opinion. Sorry you have had some rude comments about this. You don’t deserve that.

Could you calmly ask him about his routine with her in a non judgmental way to help put your mind at rest? He’s probably doing more good than you think. If she is happy to visit that will speak volumes. You sound like a good mum btw.

Does he have any major red flags? Would he be drinking/take drugs? Any reason he wouldn’t wake up to her?

You'd have to somehow, explain your reasoning to a judge when it went to court

Good luck with that!

She didn't miss two meals

She had lunch a little late and didn't have breakfast

It's a weekend and lots of people change their routine at the weekend, sleeping in, eating differently, staying up late

7:30am is a very early start for a 2 year old and is probably why she's tired.

I would be horrified, and would not allow him to have her overnight.

Did she even sleep until 12, no nappy rash I would think he's trying to brag that he's better at getting DD to sleep through.

What's your relationship with his mum like? Could you talk to her about your concerns and that you think he's struggling, could she be a source of support?

If he lives with his parents do they help with her? Just wondering if they would’ve heard her awake if it was him who slept in late

It's shit parenting but it's not neglectful.

Is she safe, warm, clean, fed and loved?

Keep a close eye. Is she well looked after in other respects, as far as you can tell ie does she return home clean, not always hungry, cheerful?