Dm took all the food for my kids!

I think the OP said her mum looked after the children by herself for a few hours, during the three days - definitely not for the full three days.

"ive clearly asked her for the money to which she basically said consider it my fee for babysitting all weekend, by that she means the 2 hrs on the weekend when I had a lie down and the 1.5 hrs Friday evening after school".

There you go, I read the OP's posts for you.

@forthestory - @Littlechesnuttree said, in one of her updates yesterday, that she has asked her mother for the money.

Where does it say in the OP that she'd asked for money for the meat?

Is this a weird MN way of suggesting that the OP should do that?

Dear mum

Here are my bank details. Please transfer the money you owe for the dog meat ASAP.

Stop being a wet rag

well, would you like someone who stole £80 of your meat for their dog and behaved the way this mother is?

So sorry OP, that sounds absolutely crap. Ignore all the horrible posts... I totally get that it's not always as straightforward communicating bluntly with someone like your mother who sounds like an emotional blackmailer at best. Sorry about your husband too - you must be in turmoil. All I can say is one day, hopefully, you'll look back on this (frankly bizarre!!) situation and your nutty mum, and be able to laugh about it. But for now, you have my full sympathy xx

She thought you bought a leg of lamb for her dog?

@Goolagoo what a kind and down to earth post ❤️

I can’t believe people are being so horrible! Honestly , MN never fails to surprise me with people that will pick at peoples stories , demand to know more , accuse them of all sorts when there is absolutely nothing in the post that suggests the OP has done anything wrong!

OPs mother has clearly taken the piss! Maybe she’s used to her having more money and buying things for the dog , maybe OP said “ the meat is in the fridge” and she’s just assumed that it’s all for her dog . But, regardless of that her daughter has told her that it was her meat for the week and that she cannot replace it and instead of apologising and sending her the money she has been nasty about it and thrown things in her face . Implying that OP should pay her for childcare and petrol for coming over to help her when her husband walked out on her 2 weeks ago is ludicrous.

Posters saying to just go and get more - and one very nasty comment saying she has done nothing to sort the situation- well I don’t know what to say to them. Some people live different lives and don’t understand that some people just simply do not have the money to go and replace a whole weeks shop at the drop of a hat and neither - especially as a single parent - have the time ! I am not a single parent , I have a husband but I would in no way A) be able to afford to spend another £80 on food and B) would in no way be able to fit in a food shop after work ( which is why I do it at the weekend and I imagine why OP did too ) . That’s as a parent with a husband , in a 2 income household !

OP - you are NOT being unreasonable . You have a lot to deal with right now and have been kicked when you are down . You have every right to be angry and upset . Sadly , it does now fall on you and it’s hard! You are new to this and I’m really sorry you have to deal with it. If you can afford it and you have one near you , do an online Iceland freezer shop - if you spend £30 you get free delivery . Tell the kids you are treating them this week and you’re having a “ naughty “ week ! Turn it around , make it fun : “ we can have a picky dinner one night” “ we can put a movie on and eat pizzas on the sofa “ …. I remember being really skint when I was a single parent and I really had to budget , some weeks I had barely anything! I would do a “picnic” ( sandwiches , crisps , a cheap £1 pizza …. We sat on a blanket in the living room ) or I would get some really cheap chips , nuggets , pizza …. Put it out like a little buffet. The children remember these times as fun times , when really I was just trying to feed them as cheaply as possible ! It’s not nutritious, no , and its not the lovely meals you had planned but they won’t know that it’s because you’re struggling they will see it as a cool mum treat !

Love to you ❤️

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff the mother had the perfect excuse of not being able to help as she lives far away, she wouldn't have to conjure up an elaborate scheme of stealing meat to excuse herself from future visits as she can simply say she lives too far away.

Hi OP, just reading to the end of the thread and I could be completely wrong about this, but I was thinking about the timing of your Mum's behaviour just as you are going through the break up trauma and newly single, the implausibility of her not knowing that £80 worth of meat wasn't intended for the damn dog. Her refusal to repay and then claiming it as childcare fee.

I think (and I could be completely wrong here) that she did this on purpose.
She'd worked out that as you were newly single, with a new job. You were at the centre of all this, not her and she thought that she might be called upon to help out a bit more and being an inherently selfish person, she chose to behave like this to put you off asking.

Nearly everyone has said go LC or NC and don't contact her for a while, you cant rely on her etc... So if this was what she was angling for ... with a nice slice of me me drama on the side... she's achieved her aim and will somehow portray herself as a victim "Oh I did all that driving and childcare and all I took was a bit of meat for the dog. "

I say this because it reminds me of the actions of a v good friend when we had a major medical emergency and they more or less ghosted me and my DC, who were supposed to be good friends with their DC. It dawned on me after a while that they were making sure they weren't asked to help out in any way. I managed perfectly well without any help, but it really hurt at a time when I could have done without that.

For what its worth, I think the pps are right. You can't rely on her and I think its also just an extra burden to deal with this drama at a time when you have enough on your plate. But I predict when she realises the drama has died down, and she's lost her audience, she'll be back for an update.

My DM used to pull stunts like this then try to wheedle out rather than apologise and put things right. We’ve never had a good relationship though so apologies OP if you have an otherwise good relationship with your DM and my response is less accommodating to the old bat than it could be.

Rather than apologise the DM is digging her heels in and diverting, expecting you to back down maybe because that is what she has conditioned you to do. But you are an adult, you can meet her on home turf as an equal rather than as child speaking to parent. This woman has stolen your DC's food and that is outrageous, if there's ever a time to unleash your momma bear and go nuclear on someone this is it.

I'd message her so it's in writing, be assertive, spell it out in simple language and not back down. Tell her you are going through enough and have more important priorities right now so you do not have the capacity for her bullshit. That she may fancy herself as having helped during her visit but vanishing with her GCs food is no help at all. Tell her that trying to worm out by making it about her travelling costs is insulting. Give her your bank details and reinforce that she has stolen her GC's food for an entire month to feed a damed spoilt dog and that you expect to be repaid right now so you can feed your family. Taking you shopping next month isn't an option because unless she reimburses you now there will not be a visit at all. Tell her you do not want an argument but she is giving you no choice, and that what happens next is up to her.

you won't get banned from mumsnet for telling anyone to FUCK OFF.

Anyway, if you need any good filling vegetarian recipes I'm sure the good kind folk of mumsnet will be happy to help.

Yes my butchers deliver. Worth a try, especially if it’s free delivery!
i also ask on the phone what’s on offer.

I'm sorry OP, that was so inconsiderate of her. It is so ridiculous but clearly not so unusual behaviour for her. Of course YANBU.

I do hope she repays next time she comes - but I know it won't help when you don't have the time or money to replace the meat.

I'm really sorry OP, your mum is a cow and some of the people on here need reading comprehension lessons.

I'd be cutting right back on the contact with her is I were you and tell her next time she wants to come that you don't want her coming back until she's recompensed you for the inconvenience of her stealing her daughter and grandchildren's food. If she kicks off I'd block her. No one needs this sort of shit in their life especially not you at the present time.

Also sorry your ex is a dick, you'll get through this and at some point will look back and realise it was the best thing he ever did for you.

Tell her to send you the money and if she doesn't, don't allow her to visit you again.

FFS you've been unjustly pounced on here, OP.

I 100% get that asking her would be a hiding to nothing - just from the way you've described your mum here.

From what I've read, pushing your mum aggressively for a bank transfer would probably backfire so spectacularly, you'd end up losing the offer to have the food re-bought next month.

You're doing so well. Chin up, keep moving forward. If your husband upped and left without a backward glance, you're stronger without him.

💛

Jumping on to agree with all the other posters saying to just message your mum and tell her to tranfer you the cash 😂the ony thing you've insisted on so far is that you asked for the money, but it sounds like actually you haven't told her to get on and send it so why not just do that, she is clearly taking the piss and would be horribly unreasonable to refuse