Dm took all the food for my kids!

I’ve skimmed through the replies, so this may have already been suggested, but read up on Harpy’s child. I believe there is a blog or essay.

Your mother sounds narcissistic. Having a narcissist parent sets you up as prey to other narcissists, especially romantic partners. I know you are currently in survival mode, but I still encourage you to seek therapy for yourself and your children.

Next time you visit nick stuff from her jewelry box. I mean its a free for all isn't it?

I can't imagine anyone doing that. I would cut back on contact with her, and would not invite her to my house again.

Hi OP, you’re doing really well and can be proud of yourself for that.

Have a look at meatsupermarket.co.uk, they home deliver and usually have offers on things like chicken/steak etc.

From memory I think if you pay a bit extra you can specify delivery.

She should have checked which was hers. Tell her she has literally stolen food from her grandkids mouths. Transfer the money even if it is in installments. Never buy anything again while she is there

This is how narcissistic people work IME.

They promise something, don't deliver, lie & manipulate to make you believe that you are unreasonably expecting them to do what they said they'd do.

I expect OP hoped for a bit of assistance in a time of need - a few hours to do some child free tasks etc and her mother basically used her.

She took advantage of you, at a low point in your life - thats not a good person on any level.

Do you have any other support available to you? Surestart or mum clubs you could turn too for support, not just on this specific issue but generally.

It's very kind of you to have the compassion and empathy you do for her (and which she clearly isn't capable of for you). It doesn't excuse what she did, which to be clear is theft from her daughter and grandchildren, and emotionally manipulate you.

It's something I dealt with in my own life and also when working in mental health; the families of my clients were often very opportunistic. I had to untake an uncomfortable phone call to a clients relative regarding some missing Christmas treats, which were 'mistakenly' taken out of my clients room. It wasn't great and there was a lot of bluster about how the relative was working / too busy / busy with children / had done so much for the client, but ultimately they were returned and it did shift the balance of power too.

From experience I suspect the promise of future shopping (for meat) will somehow not come to fruition, and if it does it will be minimally beneficially to you, so write this off now. Its just another tactic to keep you dangling in her game.

I do hope you find it in you to stand up to her on this occasion - you might find that it pays off long term with a greater level of respect for you and insist that you need that money / those items to be returned to you. Remember trauma does not entitle anyone to behave badly and there is a limit on being a 'victim' in every situation.

Either way, please be kind to yourself; you're doing your best.

You are doing really well OP in just 2 weeks post-separation.

Your mum is totally in the wrong, as PP have said maybe go with simpler meals to get through this week but definitely have read around narcisstic parents and try to create some distance between you too - although it might mean less "help" from your mum it might help your mental well-being.

You sound strong and you are doing amazingly well xx

Tell her not to bother coming next time and that you can’t afford for her to come and ‘help out!’

Just a thief. No more, no less. Dog indeed, i'll remember that one when i'm round anyones house.

I honestly can't believe that she has done this to you when your DH has left. It's really horrible of her. This could've really stressed you out.

YANBU.
Your mother is very, very unreasonable for 1) Stealing from you and 2) feeding her dog a completely unsuitable diet. Fatty liver disease for a start awaits the dog.

How sad. She seems more concerned about her dog than you. Try and set boundaries with her, especially when it comes to emotional blackmail and guilt tripping.

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. I must be really hard at the moment. Most people here just want to help and they very indignant on your behalf, for what your mother did to you. Most shockingly, is her total lack of remorse and the fact that she make herself a victim. Any normal person, when confronted with stealing someone's fridge content, would fell mortified and apologised. She seems very narcissist and self centred. If I were you, to avoid more drama und future disappoints from her, and save yourself from emotional abuse, would go low or no contact at the moment. Would you have any other relatives or friends in which you can rely on for support? Because, clearly, from her you are not getting any. All the best and you willget through it!

So sorry you are dealing with all this OP. Your Mum sounds quite (very) narcissistic and they are difficult to deal with but as you say she’s still your Mum and you still love her even if there are things about her you don’t like. She sounds quite exhausting. It might be worth reading some stuff around having a narcissistic parent to help you with strategies to deal with her.

for now just be kind to yourself and get a delivery of some groceries to tide you over or a take away and let the kids eat pizza or nuggets or something, it won’t hurt them for a stop gap situation. Get a treat for yourself as well.

It’s probably hard to see it now but you have learnt something from this so there is a positive.

@Littlechesnuttree I really don't think you should continue talking to your mum after this.
You were going through a really shitty time, she came on the pretence of helping but didn't and then stole all of your expensive food. I get that you might need her help practically but you will be much happier with that kind of toxic BS out of your life.

I'd do what you can for now to stay afloat. Beans on toast/pasta/jacket potatoes/stir frys are all really quick meals and pretty nutritious. Cut yourself some slack. You are doing a really good job of holding things together whislt it sounds like your mum is trying to unpick the threads!
Stick a click and collect through from your local supermarket and add a nice bottle of wine or some chocolate for yourself.

Be kind to yourself.x

Gosh, that's very unreasonable of your mum. And also expecting to be waited on ! She should have been helping you with kids/meals etc. Is your mum normally selfish or was this a one off? I think you need to tell her that you need the money to replace the meat that she took

OMG OP that’s awful! Did you ask her to come or did she offer? Even if it’s the former, she should have told you before she came that she would be charging you because that essentially what this is. Then you would have had the choice to tell her to take a giant flying fuck to herself!

Don’t get the comment of “she won’t listen” raw feeding is amazing!!
aside from that yeah your mum needs to pay you for it all. But how on earth did she feed £80 worth to one dog in that amount of time?

Jesus wept, how the AF could she possibly think the meat was for her dog??? Have you done this before for her? I mean if you’ve bought a pile of fresh meat for her dog before because it was on special or something I could sort of get it. But even then you would say something first right? She wouldn’t have just it looked it and assumed it was for her dog?
Get her to send you the money immediately.