Dm took all the food for my kids!

Absolutely nobody is going to take food from my children and think I’d then wait a month to be paid back. She needs to send you the money to get more immediately.

Stealing all the food I had just got for DS and I for the week, 2 weeks after he moved out.

I'd send her a message saying- mum. I know it was unintentional but you taking the meat has left me in a financial hole. Please can you send me the £80 so I can rebuy the meat. Thank you for visiting, I appreciate it.

If she sends the money back after that I'd be low contact (good she eventually sent it but still not on she stole and then made a drama). If she doesn't send the money back, complains, or makes excuses, I'd say to her that now more than ever you have to put you and the children first. If she values herself over her grandchildren then you can't have her in your lives at the moment. And cut her off, at least for a few months, until you are feeling stronger. TBH she sounds like the kind of person where it's likely to need to be permanent no contact :-( I'm sorry OP. But I know from my own experience that getting through shit on your own does make you stronger ultimately and feel more capable, even if it sometimes feels like the world is imploding around you.

Just so we are clear. The ONLY reasonable response from anyone who does this is "I'm so sorry for my mistake, let me reimburse you immediately". Anything else is not worth engaging with.

You are under it at the moment, I've been a "newly single" mum with a parent who has a strange idea of helping, I feel for you.

To actually throw a birthday in the middle of that is awful.

This is absolutely bats*it stupid and unreasonable behaviour from your mum and the "help" does not sound like help.

An immediate bank transfer is the only remedy, I would suggest a text or email with your bank details and leave it there.

You have enough going on without having to enter into conversations with her. As hard as it is, don't engage and if she has a tantrum, ignore it. If she is going to act like a child, treat her like one.

I'm sorry for all of the people on here saying "I don't know why your wouldn't just ask" clearly have more supportive parents than you do. If only they were a little more self aware instead of accusing you, this would be a must shorter thread.

You have done nothing wrong, your mum sounds like a pain and if you can step back a little I would, I wish I had, trying to keep young children happy during a divorce and parenting your own parents is awful and the only person who gets hurt is you.

Do you and the children for a while and give yourself a break. Have a beige food week and fit a lock on the fridge! It is wonderful that you are working so hard to provide them with good food but if you can't do it this week then don't. It's a week and you will be much saner for it.

I really hope that you have some supportive friends, please take care.

Just read all of your posts. My original post was based off the first two pages alone.

Oh OP wish I could give you a hug. Your mum sounds like having another child to deal with!

I hope you catch a break and maybe when she offers to next come down, be busy or have a conflicting set of appointments. A little distance might be good right now and as for her silence and huffing let her tear away and chat to the dog!

Sending single mum solidarity to you ! I know it’s not just matter of food but your time and thought that went into it. And you are stretched for time. I hope at some point your mum will understand the impact on you and offer and apology of sorts - even if this is giving you a hand with dreaded summer holidays coming up which I know is a nightmare when you have smaller dc. Have a good weekend x

this was the one that really showed me

What was?

Of all the things my exh ever did to me, this was the one that really showed me he was the shitiest person in the planet. All his self centred attitude and lack of giving a shit about his own child were no longer possible to deny, who takes the food from a single mother and her children like that, you would be mad to believe that she believed you have got duck for her fucking dog.

Now you know who she cares about: herself (the dog is a red herring)..

Hope you have had some breathing space and no contact with your mum after her refusal to refund you and don't see her for a long time.

Do you have a Home-Start branch near you at all? They can offer you some support with your AH leaving and get a breather by having the kids join in the playgroups while you have a coffee and a chat.

I know there may be some associated stigma with the organisation but they may be able to offer you the support your mother should have provided, even if it is just a listening ear to get it all off your chest.

Please reach out to someone, you are doing an amazing job with everything you are dealing with but please don't wait until barely holding on becomes barely able to keep holding on.

I actually really feel for you OP.
Your mum clearly decided to take the meat as payment and has pulled a blinder in turning it round on you.
Next time she plans to come visit, I would say sorry mum I can't afford it. And if she tries to dismiss it, I would say no really mum. I can't afford your petrol and babysitting rates or the stress. So we'll have to see you again another time.
The stress this must have caused you cannot have been worth the sliver of help she was pretending to give you.
Hope things ease off but as a parent with young children, a full time job, a husband and lots of help, I still feel like I'm treading water so please keep in mind you're doing the impossible and probably doing a lot better than you realise.
Good luck.

She should be paying you back immediately for her assumption, but that won’t happen & understandably, you don’t have the bandwidth to argue with that. You are dealing with a lot already, so a few beige teas is not the end of the world. As long as your children are fed, clean and loved, be kind to yourself. This was out of your control & is something you can’t fix. I wonder though, with the comments around your mum, whether you have someone else that you can call on for support if you need it? Someone who maybe won’t just add to an already stressful situation for you?

Your mum sounds horrific. I’d remove contact.

Its not the dogs fault. Spiteful calling him stinky. Its the mothers fault not the "stinky dog".

Pay no heed to the cruel and spiteful, and please know that they're in a small minority.

Your mother has been utterly hateful in the circumstances you've found yourself, and quite the reverse of supportive. She's actually just causing you more stress and not helping at all. I'd take a step back. Would still send her a message asking for the money for the meat, and giving her your bank details. I couldn't remotely imagine treating a child of mine the way she has you. Let her and her stinky dog stay put. She's no help, in fact, she's a hindrance.

I think you sound like you're doing more than well after just a couple of weeks. Best of luck with your probation. Have you mentioned to your manager what's happened and what you're dealing with in your personal life?

Sack her.

Only answer here from now on is go vegetarian. You won't have this argument again. So its winner winner no chicken dinner 😂

How was she planning to feed the dog this month without your very generous Donation?

Sorry, but I have to post again because I can’t get my head around this: your mum actually took meat from her grandchildren to feed to her dog?????

I let my mum get away with murder but I don’t think I could talk to someone who did this to my kids. At least not for a while.

Your mother did that to you!?!! Wtf is wrong with some people. What a selfish cow (sorry, op. I am in a very bad mood).

Bloody hell OP, she just doesn't really sound very nice. I'd be using this as an opportunity to reset the relationship. You say she's coming up in 3/4 weeks, but do you want her to? Is she actually helping when she comes to stay, do you actually need her? From what you've posted, I can just imagine her doing something equally infuriating next time she's there, not actually helping, and her presence just adding to your stress rather than easing it. You don't need that, not when things are so difficult. Why not put off the visit for a while, and if you get a guilt trip as a result, put up even more boundaries. You don't need her making your life harder than it is already. I think the comment about the petrol would be the nail in the coffin for me, and it would be very light contact going forward. Relatives aren't entitled to a relationship, just because, when they behave so badly, even mothers.

OP

As a stop gap, ask your mother to arrange a supermarket delivery. It won't be the same as a Butcher haul, but a chicken and a few other things you can make dinner with.

My word.

That must be horrific for you OP, dealing with that must have really messed with your sense of what is normal. I really hope you have support or that you seek it out, because dealing with that type of thing is bound to be hard.