Dm took all the food for my kids!

You need to ask her for the £80 so you can restock

What was your childhood like with her op? any siblings?

So…. No Contact? 🤞

You know, if my DD’s DH left, I would do my best to support her. If I accidentally took her weekly shop, I certainly wouldn’t be telling her that she can consider that “pay” for my support and fuel costs.

Another person to look after who also expects to be paid a babysitting salary on top….

@TheSquareMile did you read all of OPs post? This unfortunately isn’t a reasonable woman who made a silly mistake and can’t figure out how to pay her daughter back so needs some help figuring out some convenient options .

She is deliberately not reimbursing her and has actually been belligerent and hostile about it when asked . She also generally seems to be a toxic individual with some narcissistic traits and has no respect and little concern for her daughter or her grandkids by the sounds of it.

@Littlechesnuttree I’m glad to hear you don’t intend to have her over again. She is utterly disrespectful and evidently sees you as someone to control and exploit and then emotionally manipulate, so it’s best you keep your distance. I get that you can’t change the past but you can change the future.

@Littlechesnuttree

You have spoken to a solicitor about your husband vanishing into the blue yonder haven't you, OP? Please speak to one on Monday, if you haven't already.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

@Littlechesnuttree

It seems an odd thing to do, to take so many items, leaving nothing. If there were any confusion, surely most people would call out and say 'I've put Rover's meat in my bag, it's the one on the middle shelf, isn't it?', or something like that.

An odd situation, but the way forward is probably to resolve it as quickly as you can, so that you can concentrate on other things.

Could you tell her that you've found a really good solution, that it's a butcher which offers a gift card which allows the recipient to book a delivery of meats?

Quick and simple for her. She just buys you the gift card - you then place an online order for the meats you need when you have a quiet moment over the weekend.

https://www.hgwalter.com/collections/hg-walter-gift-cards

You aren’t being at all unreasonable. I’m shocked at this. It’d be hilarious if it wasn’t so horrible. Your mother sounds utterly selfish and manipulative. If she regularly buys expensive meat for her dog, then she’s clearly financially comfortable. So, why would she expect you to cover her petrol to visit you and spend time with her grandchildren, when you all must be struggling if their dad has just left and a loving mother/grandma would want to be there for you all? Her behaviour when challenged is just as bad as taking food without asking: no humility or concern for you - and manipulative (getting upset). I can appreciate you’re trying to hold everything together while working full time. But I strongly advise seeking counselling (which your employer should allow you to take as a medical appointment). It’s perfectly reasonable to need it to adjust to a break up and becoming a lone parent. It may also be helpful to process your mother’s behaviour/impact on you if this is typical behaviour from her. You don’t mention the reason for your breakup or your relationship with your ex, but is it possible having a mother like this played a role in your couple relationship? Is your ex taking any responsibility for his children (spending time with them, feeding them etc)?

are you planning on having her over again OP?

If it were a normal interaction with a normal human they’d say oh shit sorry, let me send you the money or replace it, but what I’ll get is emotional blackmail, nasty snide comments, then she’ll melt down, feign a panic attack or something and then I’ll have to start calming her down before she threatens suicide or something stupid

and you had this woman over to your home to “support” you? this woman was left alone with your children?

OP, she sounds like someone you should be keeping yourself and your children as far away from as possible

hopefully this latest incident with her will result in you seeing this

I agree with this. I am not really sure what the OP is even asking because so many have suggested getting the money back, being firm and not putting up with this crap and she wont do it so I am not really sure what anyone else is able to suggest?

You'll have to just buy more then if you wont hold her to account, there is no alternative here

Your mother is a nasty woman.

For this alone, I would go non-contact.

She took food from her grandchildren’s mouths to feed her dog!?!?!?

Just vile.

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. Do you have other support IRL?

I have no advice, I just want to say I hope you’re doing ok. Things sound so shitty right now

Have the kids phone her every day to tell her they're hungry.

i know it wasn’t for the dog, but if it had been bought for the dog then she should still have been expecting to pay for it. You shouldn’t need to explain it was for your kids. If your mum took that amount of meat from your fridge she should expect to pay you back.

What a twat he is. Does he see the kids now?

So many dog nutters about nowadays. Would rather their dog ate better than their children/grandkids. She probably didn’t even feed her children like that. Crazy times.

It gets worse, I was in a low income, he was earning 5 times as much, it was not that he cannot afford the food, he just couldn’t be bothered to go to the supermarket.

Pretty much like OPs mum, having said that, my ex would have thought it twice about putting so much meat in the boot for a 2 hr trip in a hot day.

OP, you may want to avoid the drama but actually the best way to be supported by a mother like that is to reduce contact to the absolute just civil to each other minimums.

Wow, that’s despicable! Most parents would go hungry so their kids eat. Glad he is gone.

@Littlechesnuttree
Your dilemma is a right lousy one and I’m sorry.
And what makes it worse is the stress of being new on the job and worrying about money.
You make me think back to my mum - she was always very generous, and we used to have a lot of fun together, but she never once said she was sorry. I always had to be the one to say sorry when we argued. She was proud.
And you know what? I wish she was here right now so I could apologise.
You and your mum will get past this - just lock up your purchases from the butcher.