Dm took all the food for my kids!

@keeptryinggirl no, realised just after posting I’d made it sound that way when it was more that OP hasn’t replied to her DM’s latest message but it won’t let me edit it for some reason, hopefully @Littlechesnuttree knows we’re rooting for her anyway, whatever she decides to do.

Op, just want to say that you will be fine or even much better on your own. You may not know many people there at this time but you will through your kids very soon.

Eventually you will find other women raising kids apart, you will meet them at the school doors, the park or at afterschool activities. They will be your tribe and will support you through this wether you need a chat over a cup of tea or baby sitting.

I have found that dealing with a shit husband and a selfish mother makes EVERYTHING more difficult than being a single parent. A couple if weeks after my exh moved out, I found myself sitting on the sofa on a week night, with DS asleep on his room, the house clean and tidy, the fridge full of cooked at home meals and nothing else to do. That was the point that I realised that was was exhausting about having a kid was not the kid itself, but all the nagging I had to do to get my husband to help, the frustration because he didn’t and all the mess and extra work he created. Once he was gone, parenting was an absolute breeze.

@Ohnobackagain no where sadly has the op said she’s going no contact”

@Littlechesnuttree hope you are doing ok. Don’t blame you for going n/c with DM and don’t get me started on your ex DP. Don’t let him back in your life, I think you’re amazing. Hope your new boss is at least understanding. Are they someone you can confide in without it being you asking for help but so they know you have a lot going on? If I have a probationer I let them know how they are doing at least weekly so it should never be a shock if there’s a problem which hopefully can be solved. Keep going, you’ve got this!

My friend, getting divorced, pushed the financial separation process and consent order through in record time - best to do it while stbxh was still feeling a bit guilty, she reckoned. So what a divorce solicitor will do for you is make sure you get your assets protected. It's really important because if you don't look after you first you won't be able to to look after your kids next.

Then you genuinely have no idea how privileged you have been with your upbringing.

The dogs eaten well then

What would a solicitor do?

Well put things on a legal footing for a start, so you know where you and the kids stand legally. He would also be compelled, legally, to be involved in care thereby giving you some very needed respite. Even it turns out that he farms the kids off to his relatives during his time with them, he would have to be involved. At the moment, he's washed his hands of the whole situation and he isn't mature enough to be their father. Sperm donor, for sure, but a fully fledged parent - far from it.

Sending you continued strength.

Bloody hell! Why would she even think it was for her dog???!!!! I can't believe she hasn't done an immediate bank transfer of the money. I would be raging. Just what you don't need on top of everything else. So sorry that you are going through so much. You didn't need this on top of everything else. x

Does that mean he will sign over his share of the house to you?
If so it would wise to get that sorted.
Don't depend of him to stick by he has said.
Formalise it.

If he's not coming back, you really need to speak to a solicitor.

You can't let him carry on like this.

I feel for you, you're having a really tough time of things at the moment.

God help you OP.
A unconscionable mother and utter scum for an ex.
You need to buckle down and think only of yourself and your children.
Delighted to read you have not replied to your mother.
He'll would freeze over before she czme to visit again.
Have you thought of moving closer to any other support you have...even in the future?

@Littlechesnuttree

Is your husband intending to stay with his Mum from now on and not return to the family home to live with you, OP?

Your DM is a thieving CF.

Urgh, it’s so annoying but, as you’ve noted, you can’t exactly send the bailiffs round to collect the money. You’ve told your mum how you feel and she’ll either feel a bit guilty once she’s had a chance to think about it (and hopefully make it right by going to the butcher’s as she’s promised) OR she’s just a bit selfish and you’ll never make her see your way. Either way, further arguments are going to do nothing except upset you further, so my advice would be:

(1) ‘make do’ for this week and head to the butcher at the weekend to re-stock.
(2) when you know your mum is coming in the future, buy only what you don’t mind ‘paying’ as a fee for her babysitting. I know that, ideally, a perfect DM would not want or ask for anything in return but that’s clearly not the mum you’ve got so I’d advise that you accept the one you’ve got and work around it. No one is perfect and she least she’s willing to babysit occasionally, even if she expects some sort of payment!

Hope you feel better soon, OP. It’s a really stressful time for you so just take each day at a time and know that things will probably look a lot brighter in a few months. Heck, you may even be able to laugh about the ‘dog meat’ incident in a few years (although, admittedly, probably not WITH your mum)!

Ok, I understand you now as my mum is like this. You need to go low contact with her, Christmas and birthdays and that’s it. I know it’ll be hard as you’re also newly single but now is the time to establish the new routine that doesn’t include her in it. You’re at your most vulnerable right now which also means you’re in the best place for her to take advantage of you as it’s harder to think clearly. Good luck.

That’s awful - you can do without this sort of crap hot on the heels of a separation. I think I’d put it down to experience and do your food prep in future when neither her or the dog is around. You’re sensible to keep your distance from her for the time being while you establish a new routine.
I agree with another posters suggestion about getting counselling. Im guessing you have a lot to get off your chest.

I think she's a miserable twat of a human being.
I am not sure what will help but felt I needed to chip in.