Dm took all the food for my kids!

Here's the thing...you don't need to listen to emotional blackmail. You don't need to calm her down when she feigns a medical emergency. You don't need to listen to her screaming on the phone.

What you are describing is FOG. Fear, obligation, guilt. You have a very toxic relationship with your mother and you feel unable to place a healthy boundary and defend it.

You can absolutely say "you have taken food from my fridge, without my permission, which was going to feed your grandchildren for the month and are going to give it to your dog. You need to give me £80, which is the value of the grandchildren's food that you stole, so that I can afford to feed them this month." And if she starts with the manipulative behaviour, you can absolutely shut her down by hanging up the phone or by blocking her, even if just temporarily. You have all of the power in this situation, even though I know you don't feel like you do. You do not have to endure her poor treatment of you. You can disconnect.

You keep saying you haven't the bandwidth for the drama but replying on here to it all, sorry OP but this post tales up more energy than my suggestion. Just text her and say I'm skint, you need to transfer me £80, my bank details are XXXXX and let's move on.

If she doesn't, bin her.

She’s abusive. You know she’s not going to unalive herself. Stop feeding her drama. Just ask that the money be transferred immediately and then don’t answer your phone or check your messages.

If she's going to steal your children's food and then, when you ask to be made whole, she responds by telling you how much money you owe her for her gas to travel to see you, and to pay her for babysitting, then can you really afford to have her visit? She's the opposite of helpful in your time of need. She's actually making your life worse. On top of that, how can you bear being around someone who would literally accept seeing your children go hungry so she can give their food to the dog? It's actually nauseating. Like I don't think I'd be able to look at her, I would be so angry and disgusted.

I think you have to say, you stole my food, you transfer me the money or I cut off contact with you, I can't afford to have you here because I can't trust you not to take food from my children. Then go low contact no matter whether she sends the money or not.

It’s quite common for dogs to be on an all meat diet (usually raw). They don’t all die from organ failure. It’s true as PP said cooked bone splinters so cooked meat isn’t so good for them.

Kibble on the other hand is absolute rubbish and grains are not a natural part of a dogs diet

I'd be absolutely furious.
I'd ask for the money to be transferred immediately-who cares if she has a strop. If she won't do it I wouldn't be having her in my home again. If she was a decent mum and grandma she would be horrified at her mistake, but we all know it wasn't a mistake. She STOLE the meat. From her own daughter and grandkids.

@Exactlab thank you.

She stole from you to recoup her costs. What a disgusting woman.

It's like a punishment for daring to ask for her help that wasn't actually help isn't it.
I hope you get the strength one day to tell her where to fuck off to op.

SHE. CAN. TRANSFER. THE. MONEY.

No you haven’t answered the question. Did you or did you not ask that she immediately transfer the money?

It is a yes or no answer.

Call her saying the kids have no food and she needs to transfer £80 today.

And never allow the cunt in your home again.

Your mother is a selfish... I can't say the word but you and your children deserve much better, especially under the circumstances. I'm sorry she has let you down.

It sounds like you have a huge amount going on, and the person you hoped to be able to rely on has absolutely proved otherwise. I'm really sorry OP, that's really tough.

I wouldn't go as far as to go no contact, but you know where you are with her now so any other offers of "help" result in a "no thanks Mum." and leave it at that.

Can you afford to replace the meat? I know it's a pain in terms of time, but if you can, I'd just do that, and chalk this one up to experience. It sounds, sadly, like you have to figure out how to make all of this work on your own.

While I have DH, we have ZERO support from family. All promises (usually when there's been drink taken) have never materialised. It's heartbreaking, but you have to steel yourself against it.

Your Mum is bang out of order. Hope you get sorted soon.

Don’t be a pushover. Can’t believe you even entertained buying fucking steak for the dog to be honest. Tell her to send you 80 quid or not to fucking bother coming up again because she left your kids with no food. Did you really need mumsnet to tell you that?

I wouldn't be seeing her anytime soon. The actual cheek of her.

Just don't do it again. £80 is worth getting her out of your life.

Your mother seems a very difficult person. You cannot afford for her to visit you if she takes the food from your children's mouths. I think you should tell her so. I am quite shocked your mother would steal your children's food.

I'm sorry.. I find it really sad that when she realised it was for you, she didn't immediately refund it. How can you take from your own child?

100% This

She knew what she was doing. You’ve absolutely got to ask the CF for the money. Who buys a leg of lamb for a dog?!?

Oh OP I'm so sorry for all you are going through. You need to cut your mum out of your life, she sounds exactly like a close relative of mine who did this for years, lead up to wedding, my child being born, so much shit. All me me me and threats of suicide, WhatsApping a whole group of people whenever she didn't get enough attention, it was awful. And taking money. So much money from my dear sweet parents. You need to cut her out it will never change. She is a twisted narcissist with some sort of personality disorder. My relative was given various professional help and was pretty much told this but dismissed it. There is no cure. Sorry but you can't have your DC growing up around this. You are caving into her she STOLE from you she is now blaming you?!!!! Nope. Gone... Get her gone...

OP get tough with her and text her saying you are appalled that she is not concerned that her grandchildren will have to eat cheap processed shit that she won’t even consider for her dog because she took it for her dog. Also tell her the kids know that granny has given their food to the dog.
I’d cut her off for this - it’s beyond reason

Can I have the name of your butcher where you got all that for 80 quid?
Just message her as everyone said. When she starts, just repeat it with “your grandchildren have no food.” Get the money then minimal contact.