Dm took all the food for my kids!

Yes and her mother won't, not like she can March her there herself is it? She's got enough on...

Her life has been upended, she's on the edge already and then her mother pulls a Stunt like this but! She's just lost her husband, she's alone with 2 young kids do you really think she wants to disown her mother on top???

I think not, even If she should disown her and who knows maybe she even will when she's stronger, but right now she's not going to be shooing the only help she's got away is she?

People need to stop with the tough love it's your own fault attitude, she's aware that she could be nastier more demanding but then she would suffer more stress, more guilt and have lost her mother on top of the rest of her life imploding. People need to give her a break

OP has been dealing with her mother all her life.

I see why you think it's over-explaining, but I think the OP has simply learnt to pre-empt her mother's excuses. In the OP's place, I would be expecting mother dearest to deliberately miss the point and tell me that I could just buy more meat, so I would get in first that I was going to be at work during shopping hours.

To the people saying she can just bank transfer many older people don't do online banking so I think that would be the reason she can't just transfer the money.

that's why these older people physically go to the bank.. to send money to an account of their choosing, I know several people who won't use online banking so they do this instead.

I'm sorry op that's a shitty thing for her to do when you've already so much on your plate.

If it were me, I'd leave it a day or two and then text her and say unfortunately mum I really need you to send me the money for the meat. I spent £80 on it and I needed that to last us a month. As you know I've a lot on my plate right now and I cannot afford to buy a second pack of meat for my children to eat. You will need to send me the money if you want your grand kids to eat this month. My bank details are x. I appreciate your help but if its going to cost me money then I can't afford it in future.

She's taking advantage op and it's not fair of her to put you in that position.

Op as someone with a mother very similar to yours I can see why it’s easier not to push it. However, once you are in a better place regarding your relationship and your current situation, you may want to consider whether its of value for you to continue to maintain a relationship with your mum as well. Ive been No contact with mine for years and the peace is joyous. For many years I didn’t even realise there was an issue, that was just “how she was” and it was my job to placate her when she behaved badly.

You may not even realise how not normal your mums behaviour is, because you are so used to it. But your mum has taken food from your kids, and you, at your lowest point and instead of saying sorry it was my mistake, is making you beg and argue for her to refund it. Those are the actions of a nasty selfish person who will never change.

When you feel ready, have a look at the stately homes threads for support and advice. In the meantime you are doing an amazing job keeping things together for your kids

He can paint you how he likes, he upped and left them with you, you can't be that bad.

Don't ever let him take them over there or send them to visit him.

Okay, OP, I get you, I honestly do. I have experience of relatives who pulled similar stunts, right down to the fake panic attacks and suicide threats, so this is coming from someone who has been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.

Do you think there is any chance she will do a bank transfer if you do your normal things to placate her?

If not, then don't bother. Repeat that you need that money, because she has stolen your children's food, tell her you won't be speaking to her again if she doesn't do a bank transfer, and then block her on every way she has to contact you, until she gives you that money.

You are doing well OP, unfortunately you just happen to have a couple of really shitty people in your life. You deserve so much better and losing people like that is no loss. They are takers. You have to protect the important people -you and the kids. If that means cutting off your mum then so be it. She isn't welcome in your home and you won't be ordering her dog anything ever again. I'd rather live on supernoodles for a month than let her steal and think she can waltz back in like she's in the right.
Stay strong and the very best of luck to you.

"Mum, if you needed to be paid for visiting me this weekend, you should have told me up front so I could have told you not to come. I cannot afford to pay for you to visit me, and did not agree to pay you. I'm sorry, but there is no contract between us that would have allowed you to take expensive meats out of my refrigerator for yourself. You took my children's food without permission and I cannot afford to replace it or feed my children this month without it. You will need to reimburse me for the food you took. I'll look out for your payment in my bank account."

With kindness OP, your communication with your mum is odd at best.

You both seem to be skirting around the issue and over explaining everything, why say you're "at work and can't go to the shop?", or sarcastically say "I didn't realise I was being charged etc", you've now escalated it into an argument, to the point where she has flounced off and got away with not giving you the money, it's probably what she wanted to happen, and it sounds like you fell right into the trap.

There's a lot of inferring and assumptions being made and in fairness, it's in your posts as well, I think you need to be clearer and more direct with your mother, stop "asking" her what's she's going to do about it or waiting for her to do the right thing and just bloody "tell" her what's happening, you should have asked her for the money to replace as soon as she said she'd made the 'mistake' of taking it, and just kept re-iterating that you haven't got any money to wait for her next visit so she's basically stolen your kids food.

I'm a bit confused, OP. Are you just having a vent? If so, that's perfectly understandable but it wasn't clear.

Ultimately, if you've decided to accept DM's outrageous behaviour - and it is your right to do so - the PPs who thought you wanted advice will find that a bit frustrating. And I think you're putting yourself in the firing line for more of the same outrageous behaviour in future. Accept it if you want, but know that you've chosen it.

IF (big if) your mother visits again, check your fridge/freezer/cupboards/her car before she leaves.
Let her have a tantrum. You can't trust her.

I wouldn't deal with it

'Mum, I'll speak to you when you've calmed down. I have to go and deal with the kids now'

And repeat every time she kicks off

I know the post is about her mother but I think she's had enough advice about her mother lol 😆. I think mostly she was venting, anonymously about her annoying inconsiderate mother. To the people saying she can just bank transfer many older people don't do online banking so I think that would be the reason she can't just transfer the money.

I don't steal or take things that don't belong to me and then try to gaslight my victim into thinking they deserved to have their things taken.

Telling you to stand up for yourself with your mother and enforce sensible boundaries if she won't treat you with the respect you deserve (not to mention literally taking food from your children's mouths for her dog nonetheless!) doesn't mean I'm not a nice person in real life. I certainly am and would never treat people I profess to love or care for in this manner!

OP, you poor woman.
I feel so so sorry for you.
Please be clear, your mother is absolute scum.
Taking food for her grandchildren, for her dog.
Try eggs, beans, lentil soups for the month.
Honestly it really is hard to believe.
If you can do without her, I would try.
She reads as utterly toxic.

This doesn't help today, but can you get or do you know anyone who has a Costco card?
We buy most of our meat there. Good quality & decent price. You can also stock up on everything else. Brilliant coming up to Xmas as well.

Do you get paid sick leave OP? you can go to the GP and get a sick note for 4 weeks due to stress? I think at times like these you need a minute to just grieve the relationship, find your feet and plan your future. Also take a holiday if you can you and the kids, just get away from it all

Your mother is a really shitty person, I'd text again saying you expect her to organise you a food delivery for tomorrow. Can you afford going low contact with her?

If she can't afford to wire you the £80, she cannot afford to feed her dog butcher-quality meat! Jesus wept.

I'm really sorry that the other responsible grown ups in your life who were supposed to be a key part of your support network have turned out to be so disappointing.

It's going to be a month without high quality meat and perhaps more supermarket pizzas and baked beans. As a one off, it's not going to do you all any harm. You can get through this month without rebuying the same expensive food. You'll do it, and you'll do it on your own.

You've a learnt a lot recently about who you can rely on, and whilst in many ways that's pretty damn upsetting, you are going to come through the other side of this knowing that when the shit hits the fan, you can survive anything. You've been dealt a shitty hand, but you're doing great, OP. You really are.

No more visits from your DM. You can't afford for her to regularly steal all your food.

Book the occasional third party babysitter. You'll get some respite at a considerably cheaper cost.

Your mother is horrible doing this to you, especially after your husband has just done this! What a cold hearted cow she is. Can you text her saying you really can't afford to replace all that meat so can she please send you the money and you need to feed your kids. Or would she really not care?

Are you still in contact with your ex? Can he send you some money to feed his kids?

I would seriously consider if you want to continue a relationship with you mother. She sounds toxic.

Take a deep breath @Littlechesnuttree , you are doing amazing considering everything that's going on. Your mother was out of order, the next time she comes over send her to the butchers with a list. That's if you have her back 😬