Dm took all the food for my kids!

So sorry that your mum is being so difficult, at an already difficult time.

I think with the amount of stuff you have got going on at the moment, just take it all one step at a time. Don't overload yourself.

You've asked your Mum to pay up and she's enacting a drama instead, so galling as it is, I'd just drop it for the time being as its not worth the extra aggro.

This thread has reminded me of a documentary I saw years ago on the siege of Leningrad. There was literally no food left; people boiled and ate leather belts. A woman was interviewed and explained that she had three small children, whereas her mother had a dog that she doted on. She said to her mother, you have a choice to make - the grandchildren or the dog.

They ate the dog.

To be clear, I love dogs, but I would kill and cook my own dog to save my children from starvation (horrible though this sounds). That’s survival. I’m judging your mother very harshly.

I am trying to be charitable to your (batshit) mother and wondering if the dog's steaks (!!!) were on top of the rest of the meat? And she's too embarrassed that she stupidly thought everything underneath "For Fido" was for her. Her response since is disgusting though, is she really more help than hindrance when she visits? I hope someday soon you are feeling a bit more resilient and can explain how she has let you down when you most needed her support. If you are going to have to pay for a babysitter choose someone who is less of a liability

Sending you love OP, you’re doing great, my mother is a narcissist too. Deal with you & yours as long as belly’s are full,whether beans on toast or egg & chips you are winning!
slightly different suggestion though can you send her a link to local butcher that delivers asking for replacement?
keep going you’re awesome!

OP, is your DM envious of the attention your DC get from you? It sounds like she deliberately chooses the worst times to create these problems.

Your mother sounds like mine OP, and I’ve gone no contact. She will never change, never be an actual mother who makes your life easier rather than harder. I’m so sorry, I know the path you’re walking and it’s so hard. You are doing so well keeping your family going and I’m hoping you pass that probation so you can breath a little x

With that extra information, it clearly shows she's very manipulative!!!!
That is the definition of being manipulative!!
Disgusting. Seriously that's awful behaviour, so much so that I'd call it abuse.

I like this message OP.

I know it must feel like the final straw OP but it might be the chance for you to get yourself away from these two narcissistic tossers at the same time.

I heard the other day that it's better to have no-one in your life than the wrong people. Your ex and DM demonstrate this beautifully.

Rather than give up your energy to these two wasters you'd be so much better putting your energies into yourself and your children. Your DM will always take out more than she puts in so she's never going to make you feel cared for and supported.

*circumstances

To be clear, I have a lot of sympathy for OP. She's between a rock and a shit place.

I only wanted to point out that some of the PPs unpleasant comments stemmed from frustration because they thought she wanted advice. She doesn't want advice as she's already anticipated her DM's responses and has, understandably in the circus, decided to let it roll. She just wanted reassurance that her DM's behaviour was outrageous so that she doesn't question her own sanity and judgement. I completely get that.

I still think OP should bear in mind that her DM finds this rewarding and will not alter her bahaviour.

I think your mother is horrible. You have so much on your plate and she does this. Who cares what the grandchildren eat as long as the dogs good. I am normally anti NC but I'd definitely do it for this.

And if she loses her shit and threatens suicide you say dear god mum I have actual children you realise, and call the police to check on her. Just like if she were an abusive partner- I’m not surprised your partner was crap with a mum like that to teach you about relationships to be honest.

OP, my heart goes out to you. I imagine the meat situation was the straw that broke the camel's back. At a time when you should be able to turn to your mom and vent and feel supported too.

Also op use entitled to.com to see what help is available to you and make sure you use tax free childcare for the cost of after school clubs you can definitely claim that even if you earn to much for anything else. If your still paying nursery fees it will really help with that.

yes, but you was saying her mother 'can't' do it because she doesn't use online banking

I'm saying, she 'can' do it if she wanted to by going to the bank.. saying she's not got online banking is not a good enough reason.

I agree with @GaryLurcher19, you can put up with this shit forever and a day, or you can choose not to be a victim of it anymore.. and that doesn't mean cutting off all contact, it just means you stop allowing people to take the piss out of you.

Oh come on, she knew all that meat wasn't for the dog! Tell her she will have to pay you for it 🤷‍♀️

The way some posters are piling on the OP, who is clearly experiencing a really tough time in their life (and has expressed this repeatedly), is disgusting. It's fine to give advice, but do you have to be so nasty about it?

Oh you poor thing. ID be so furious. I’d send her a text I think and refuse to answer the phone: hi mum, Clearly I can’t afford my mums support for a few hours when I am a recently single mum so don’t help again, and don’t turn up without clearing your hourly rates beforehand. I can give you an idea though- if it’s going to cost me the kids meat fro the month I can’t afford it and don’t come. I won’t be answering the phone, I have enough to deal with without your ‘help’, I have to work out how to feed my kids.

But not from me.

No not you just the whole thread she's had various suggestions and put downs grow a spine etc. It's cruel given what she's going through.

Wow the loser really chose a great time to go didn't he. OP you should be unbelievably proud of yourself for even getting up in the morning though this.

Keep going take some holidays a week or two and book something for you and the kids, doesn't have to be massively expensive or very far. If you drive you could go camping just you the kids and a tent. Its very relaxing and It will give you some breathing space.

@Mummy2024

I haven't recommended that she disown her DM. Did you mean to aim that at me?

There are many ways to make a firm demand or set a boundary.

I'm baffled by anyone thinking the only 2 choices are acquiecence or 'no contact'. I have not recommended either.

When your mother was a little girl and got told off, she stamped her feet and cried and said she'd scream and scream and scream until she was sick! Her parents must have caved in as she's taken this behaviour into adulthood.

Awful histrionic behaviour from her which you may have tolerated and accepted up until now.

You now have a very stressful situation going on being newly single and working and having young children and this awful awful behaviour from your mother is a drama you can well do without.

She's proven that even if she does come down with a view to helping you, her help is pretty useless.

Given she is far away, is it worth making the effort for her?

I can understand the emotional side of you not wanting to cut her out of your life altogether but I would certainly keep her at a distance and not have her visit or you visit her and keep contact to a minimum whilst you get into your new routine.

Christ, this is awful behaviour. I would.call her a cunt but she has neither the warmth nor the depth.

Given what you've gone through it is especially awful. Who would think a fridge is a free for all for their dog? You know your place in the hierarchy now, I'd be stepping back massively.

You hang up when she starts that nonsense. My mother used to do that drama llama stuff. I'd hang up and she'd try ringing back. I ignored the call. Unplugged phone.