Dm took all the food for my kids!

Absolutely scarlet for you that you thought it was ok to type this.

OP, that sounds like a horrible place to be. Dickhead ex, brand new job and all the pressure that comes with that, and a seriously selfish mother. Not to mention the stress of having a substantial portion of your grocery budget for the month going into a bleddy dog.

Have you got enough store cupboard basics that you can muddle through until you can go shopping on Sat am?

In your shoes, I would ignore your mother and all and any contact with her. She won't like that. I would be very tempted to text her to say that you cannot believe her behaviour, her refusal to reimburse you for the kids food, and turning it into some sort of "owed money". Had you realised there was a charge for her supporting you for a few hours, you'd have declined. But I suspect then all kinds of drama and sh*t will kick off and it's easier to just ignore her until you have the headspace to tackle her. Plus it will drive her mental to be ignored.

While I know it's a new job. It's really not unusual for people to have emergencies, family bereavements and all kinds in their first week never mind during their probation period. You don't have to explain it all, you could simply say that a temporary power failure has meant you've had to throw out a ton of food and need to do a quick emergency shop to get through the week. Can you leave a bit early, take some work home and finish it when the kids are in bed or over the weekend?

Has your ex completely disappeared off the face of the earth? Is it worth telling him he needs to pick up the kids at 8am on Sat and return at 6pm so you have two days to get stuff sorted, do some batch cooking and feel more control?

Sorry OP but I'd go postal.
If my mum did that I'd think she was a selfish idiot and tell her so.
I wouldn't speak to her until the money and transferred.
Some people are so self centred and delusional that it actually boggles the mind.
This is exactly what you do not need right now.
I hope you have more thoughtful people in your life x

The prize for commenting on an entirely imagined scenario goes here.

i think this has the new status of being my favourite mumsnet quote

This. So sorry you're dealing with this, OP. Your mother's behaviour is appalling and deeply manipulative. I think a prolonged period of no contact would be very good for both of you - you'll get a break from more provocations and she will have to reflect on how she has brought you to this point.

Effing dog seems to eat better than some people!
Just an observation, nothing to do with me.
How odd! 😁

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time both on here and in real life. Newly single mum in such horrible circumstance, being on probation in a new job and an unhelpful mum, no way would i be holding it together like you are. You sound an amazing mum and person. I really hope things get better for you soon. Sending you a massive hug. xxxx

1.5 hours of babysitting isn’t worth this shit

Is there any way you could make other arrangements?

My blood pressure is going up on your behalf OP. At a time when you're juggling childcare, work and your DH leaving your DM pulls that shit! It's almost like she's trying to punish you for your recent problems ffs!
Time to step away from her. But do respond to her otherwise she'll probably take it that you are agreeing with her vile comments.

@PandaRice you are funny. People are not Zebras.

Just tell her you want the money transfered asap and also tell her she won't be welcome into your house until she gives you the money. Ie - no visit next month. Or tell her not to bring the dog and she won't be back. I wouldn't want a theif in my house. If you said you have got 2 steaks for the dog and takes EVERYTHING she's obviously stollen off you no matter what she says

Poor OP. Horrible shitty entitled mother. Who steals food from their own child and grandchildren? For their DOG???

She’s awful OP. Just awful.

The only time there'd be a next time from me was if there was an apology over babysitting fees, a payment of the money for the meat and an apology from the DM over being so stupid/selfish to take meat which obviously wasn't for her dog.

And no, I would not be buying meat for her dog again.

Thiss ^^

There wouldn't be a next time for me

OP, I 100% believe you. Unfortunately, I had a 'Mother' like that. All about her. Even to the detriment of her own grandchildren. And yes, it will ramp up when you are already struggling (ie husband walks out). It is Narcissistic behaviour.

You won't ever get the money from her - 'babysitting fees' (!!!)
All you can do now is KNOW that she will NEVER have your back.
Buy what you can to feed them this month. They will be okay.
Yes she can come next month & drop off a bag of meat to replace
but she is unlikely to & you would save yourself £80 worth of drama & misery if you just went No Contact now.

Concentrate on your new job. You are doing brilliantly x

I'm sorry. It is not what you, or your children / her grandchildren deserve. x

Don't invite her next month, and if she asks to come, tell her that if her "help" is going to cost you £80 and your children's dinners for a month then you don't want her help.

Help isn't help if it costs you money and causes you more work than if you hadn't received the help!

Oh OP, you have been through a lot recently, and your mum should be supporting you, not making things worse.

she basically said consider it my fee for babysitting all weekend, by that she means the 2 hrs on the weekend when I had a lie down and the 1.5 hrs Friday evening after school

At this point, I would tell her not to bother coming down again in a few weeks, as you can't afford her 'babysitting' fees. (But I appreciate that's easier said than done, but this would cause me to turn so petty!).
It seems like her coming down is more of a hindrance than help.

I'd be telling her very clearly that if she won't send you money to replace now not to bother coming again.

Op I’m really sorry to read this. I have a mother like yours. People with nice mothers won’t understand it and will try to blame you (just like your own mother does). Op you are doing enormously well, despite having such shits in your life. For the following month, I’d now work with what I have. Ie no meat. There are some child friendly veg pleasers, that aren’t hard to make, for instance rice based, baked pots with cheese and beans, or maybe things like scrambled eggs on toast. Also veggie cheap treats like pop corn kernels (80p a bag and take 5 min to cook in a pot). Think student food!

Anyway, you are doing BRILLIANTLY what with the new job, and holding your cool against some absolute nut jobs on this thread (all no doubt people who absolutely don’t know what it’s like to have a narcissistic mother like yours, and yes I know the phrase gets bandied around, but that’s what she sounds like).

Good luck, I’ll be thinking of you, and hoping better times are round the corner.

Oh come on. She's clearly not only feeding her kids meat, because you can't feed two kids and an adult for a month on solely £80 of meat, can you? You'd run out of food!

Food is expensive, especially meat, and OP has done that part of her food shopping a month in advance because she's got a freezer and she can. It doesn't mean she's not buying vegetables and so on as well! Seriously, you're grasping at straws to attack the OP on this one.

OP I would go no contact with your mother. Your op says you ran around after her making cups of tea. Then she stole, made excuses then said it was payment for all the help she gave you. What help? After school club on a Friday for two kids won't cost £80.

I have a nasty emotionally damaging mother. I've been close to cutting her out so many times. Recently she asked me for a favour and I couldn't help I told her my car was broken I can't fix it as I need to feed the kids etc. She put a thousand pounds in my bank. I'm nothing but a disappointment to the woman, but knowing her grand kids were on value diet while mum saves to fix the car was unacceptable to her. What kind of grandmother does what your mother has done?

@Littlechesnuttree your mum has behaved really appallingly, and at the worst possible time
Ignore all the "grow a backbone" shite on here, you're perfectly entitled to have a moan