Dm took all the food for my kids!

OP I've seen that you're getting a hard time from some posters. Just ignore the twats.

Just want to say that although I feel outraged on your behalf at how your own mother is treating you, I can also understand why you don't feel like you've got the bandwidth to deal with her antics right now. I think, if you were me, I'd pull back from that relationship and let her make any and all effort to see you and your kids, at her expense. I know that's easier said than done when you've had a lifetime of having your boundaries crossed by a narcissist - there are a few in my family too, and that's what I've had to do otherwise they massively take the piss. They still do take the piss now, given the slightest chance - but at least it's not massively!

I can't believe the selfish woman isn't going to reimburse you immediately, or at least send an online shopping order to you. If she genuinely thought you'd bought a pile of meat for her dog, then she's crackers. Maybe one chicken breast but not all the meat you described. Can anyone else in the family lend you a few quid to tide you over until mum decides to refund you?

This is awful and inexcusable of your mother. To clear out your whole freezer takes some effort. Even more petty that she saw it as “payment” for helping you out. You sound shattered! I get where you are coming from and life is hard as a single parent.

It would have been nice for her to treat you and your instead of all this fuss about a dog ffs. Without listing her “help” to you!

She sounds like a selfish bitch, I would not put up with that. My response now would be stonewall. Dont message her, dont contact her at all and ignire her messages, complete silence. No contact with grandchildren since she thinks she needs to be paid for it. Wait until she realises she has gone too far this time and comes back with an apology. That is only one way to handle people like that, they have to come to the realisation by themselves.

I can't imagine for a single second doing something so horrible to any of my kids, @Littlechesnuttree, and you have every right to be utterly furious. When we visit my son and his family, we go to the shops and buy food - we wouldn't dream of taking it out of the mouths of our son, our DIL and our granddaughter!

But I do understand and empathise when you say you haven't the bandwidth to cope with your mum's antics right now, nor with the hassle of getting her to pay you for the meat she took. It's easy to say what we would say in the situation - "You do realise that was YOUR grandkids' food for the month that you took, mum. Your grandkids will be going hungry, but as long as the dog is fed...." - but even without all the extra stress you are under at the moment, it can be very hard to say things like this to family.

I don't believe this story at all..

@Littlechesnuttree I get it. I too have a relative who would think clearing out a family shop and giving it to the dog would be a perfectly reasonable thing to do (sigh). And then there's the inevitable hurt and histrionics at the injustice of being asked/expected to rectify the mess of their own creation.

I don't think she's likely to do any of the reasonable options open to her, like sending money so her grandchildren aren't going without the food she effectively stole from them, so I'd save your energy and chalk it up as a lost cause. At least now, though, you have evidence of what she's capable of and can factor that into decision-making - someone like that isn't going to be a good support and will just drain your already stretched emotional resources.

If you have something like Deliveroo or other home delivery services where you are, they often offer shopping delivery options - that could be an option? We've used that several times to get meat delivered from a butcher we like, when time has been tight. It would depend on opening hours, though. Or an evening home delivery from a supermarket (although it wouldn't be the same as a good butcher's options, it could be better than nothing).

Hang in there, you'll get through this and see how much better life can be without the dead weight of a useless ex and a narcissistic mother dragging you down.

Your mother is a selfish cow. No way she thought that was for her dog. She's stealing food from the mouths of her grandchildren and making your life harder to boot. Tell her to bloody well transfer you the money pronto.

I’m sorry that some PP have little to no reading comprehension nor empathy!

Your not so dear mother is a narcissist. I would read up on DARVO and FOG, to understand that she uses emotional black mail and blame to make YOU feel guilty and to also get you to do what she wants.

I would not expect that she will give you that money and l certainly would not be asking her to babysit EVER again!

Look at the gingerbread website for information on single family events etc.

Also, in regards to the food here are a few ideas that might help this month.

Mix lentils and vegetables in with your mince to bulk it out for a bolognaise sauce (blend the vegetables and lentils if your DC are as fussy as mine).

Do they like macaroni and cheese? Just suggesting it as it’s a hearty dish that doesn’t contain meat.

Could you afford a deliveroo or online supermarket order? Just suggesting it as you could choose a delivery time that suits you, as you are very busy juggling everything.

Sending 💐

Op, that's not a mother you want in your life. Consider going no contact with the selfish horrible boot.

It is hard to believe that your mum stole all of your meat for her dog. A leg of lamb and a chicken? I have never had a dog and even I know you never give them chicken as the bones can splinter in the throat.

If this is true then I definitely wouldn't be inviting the greedy old bag to stay any more.

This is utter bullshit. Nobody reasonable or sensible, or even with limited mental capacity would think a whole fridge full of meat in someone else's house was purchased for a house guest's dog!
She needs to transfer the money and I honestly wouldn't be speaking to her any more. Unless she's suffering from dementia, she's incredibly rude, selfish and frankly appalling!

OP, if your "D"M is behaving this way now, I can imagine you've had a lifetime of this and she's got you and your boundaries worn down. Are there any positives to her being around?

It sounds like you do see her for what she is so I imagine nothing anyone says here will be a revelation to you. But it's an epically shit feeling to know your parent is useless when you need them, and it is actually pretty heartbreaking when you see them actively working against you. Her behaviour is intentional and cruel, like poison disguised as medicine. And the only way to stop it is to just step away from her. You can't rely on any offers of help as frustrating as that is. But it's better (and, in the long term, far easier) to do things on your own, than have to carry the weight of another unhelpful adult.

The only way to deal with a narcissist is to stop feeding them (or their precious dog). It's in your power to make sure that zero of your energy goes her way. You have far more important things to spend it on.

If you must communicate with her, go grey rock. If she's hysterical about something, you respond with something beige like "oh dear, hope you get that sorted soon". Let go of anything you think you "ought" to do for her and cut off any ability for her to use you as her punching bag. She should not get a pass because she is your mother - plus, it sounds like she's squandered any goodwill by her previous behaviour.

If she sees your behaviour shift, she will get worse for a while and call you all things under the sun. Don't rise to it, don't give her any push back, just a neutral "I'm sorry you feel that way" and move on. They feed off your emotions like vampires. And I suspect the exH probably had some of these traits too so it may well be good practice for dealing with him! And a good thing to teach your kids.

But I hope you can see that, in light of some really tough changes in your life, you are doing really great.

Also, Farmison is a butcher that delivers and does some deals here and there in case you need an option for the future!

Don't be so ridiculous. Raw chicken is what dogs SHOULD be eating. You do realise that dogs aren't human?

There is a lot of it about at the moment

Brilliant😂😂My thoughts exactly!

I came on here to post almost exactly what @BeanCountingContinues has said. @Littlechesnuttree - I am sorry for what happened and for the pasting that some posters have heaped upon you on this thread. Cruel and unjustified.

Here is a link to the latest 'Stately Homes' thread - March 2024 - But we took you to stately homes | Mumsnet (so called because the originator's parents "justified" their abusive parenting by claiming that she couldn't have been abused because they took her out to National Trust places).

What your mother has done here is cruel. She took a lot of food away from you and your children. Her grandchildren. To feed to her dog. To my mind, she is sending an extremely clear message that she values her dog over and above her own grandchildren and delights in telling you this. Those are not the wise and loving actions of a decent person.

I'm so sorry. I wish there was any way of making this less horrible for you. But I can only echo the advice that your mother has seriously disordered thinking and, if you can, you should distance yourself from her as far as possible.

She has literally taken food from your children's mouths. Please don't allow her to continue treating you and your family like this. It's not easy. But you can break the cycle and put an end to it. Reasonable people do not threaten suicide when they don't get their way. You can choose to limit how much your children are exposed to this and protect them from her influence.

Please do have a look at the Stately Homes threads - they are a safe space where you will be heard and understood.

Best wishes to you. x

What is it with all the nasty bullies on MN ?

I’m sorry you’re having such a truly rubbish time at the moment OP for so many different reasons.

kudos to you for getting up every day!

Forget the meat issue - this is the real issue. She threatens suicide when she doesn't get her own way.
Your mother is at minimum emotional manipulative and immature, and at maximum at out-and-out bat-shit-crazy narcissist.

No wonder you are too exhausted to deal with her.

You have learned a lesson here - if she comes to stay to "help" you, she will be no help at all, she will be an inconvenience and is liable to cause some drama or trouble as well.
So don't invite her.
You have to cut the ties, go low contact, "grey rock" her.

There are lots of threads here about how to deal with such parents - look for the 'Stately Homes' thread or browse the relationships board.
Can other posters give some links please?

You are not alone in having such a damaging parent.

What is it with these spineless women stand up for your kids.
I wouldn't let her back frankly and say unless she transferred the money for stealing your children's dinner she's no longer welcome.
You don't just take 80 pounds worth of meat from someone else's fridge thinking it's for the dog.
But we all know op won't do that and be a martyr. 🙄

They're still feeding a family of 4 for 3 evening meals with a small roast chicken

She’s going to wolf it all down herself isn’t she? The nasty roach 🪲

That’s £20 per week for two people for meat. I’d say that’s not much at all. Did this poster miss the rampant inflation that’s abounded for the last 2 years or more?

Yeah, unbelievable is how I read it too.😄

She has asked for the money, she's clarified that point a few times, maybe try reading at least OPs posts