Dm took all the food for my kids!

Littlechesnuttree · 2024-06-17T16:17:23+00:00

Newly single mum here hi! dm visited this weekend to ‘help’ largely consisted of me running errands for her and bringing cups of tea. here’s the thing, she brought her dog who she only feeds meat (she won’t listen) so steak, chicken, mince etc. i went to the butcher on the weekend and bought our meat for the month, steaks, whole chickens, lamb leg, chicken breast, meat and even duck breast. all in all £80 or more likely. Had them in fridge before I could sort and put in freezer. i had a kids bday party so was getting kids ready whilst dm was packing up. go to the fridge this morning and it’s all gone… all the meat. she thought I bought it for her dog. So now not only got to do a freezer tea for the kids but ive got to rebuy it all. dm didn’t offer to replace and lives too far away to return. aibu to think this is barmy behaviour? You check before you clean out someone’s fridge

Nanaof1 · 17/07/2024 20:48

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 21:43

He’s never stopped paying for the mortgage or house, so I don’t mind it going 50/50, I won’t lose out that way. He actually has 2 homes (one his mum lives in, definitely in his name) so if he really wants to be difficult I can too.

i don’t think I’ll be entitled to UC- I earn over 50k a year, so even if I went to 20 hrs I’d still earn over the threshold. But I wouldn’t be able to reduce my hours and keep my job.

im sure part of the reason he doesn’t want a divorce is that he’s realised what it’s like to do things alone, pick up the kids and make food for them and tidy up and bedtime when I’ve had to stay late at the office. Pathetic

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I am happy to see that you sound stronger and more determined. YAY!
Be a momma tiger when it comes to making things good for your kids.

I like to see wives getting their ducks in a row and keeping things straight in their heads, as you are. So, AH owns his mother's house? GREAT bargaining position for you.

As another poster mentioned; don't do ANYTHING for him. No cooking, cleaning up after him, laundry, nothing. Get up really early one weekend day and leave the house, telling AH on the way out that you will be back before dark. Then go out and have some fun, whether it's sitting in a park, window shopping, grocery shopping (right before going home) or anything. Let him deal with the children for several hours. He will either learn to cope or scream for his mommy (we could take odds/bets on which it would be. Let him deal with his own life choices around the house too. Stay LC with your mom for your own mental health.

Most of all, enjoy life and your children and laugh often, under your breath, at you AH as he whines, sulks and mopes.

Or put in a patio. 🤔

Nanaof1 · 17/07/2024 15:49

Changea · 17/07/2024 13:45

Can you perhaps feed your “d”H to the dog?

It's still morning here and this made me laugh WAY too hard.

I was hoping a kind MNer from the UK would volunteer to help her pour a large "2-person occupancy" patio. MNers are helpful with such things, i am sure.

Changea · 17/07/2024 13:45

Can you perhaps feed your “d”H to the dog?

Exactlab · 17/07/2024 13:27

I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone you can rely on. First your mother cleared out your fridge to feed her dog and now your ex who left you has decided that living with you is preferable to whatever it was he was doing before.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all this BS.

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 17/07/2024 08:04

@Littlechesnuttree I’ve been there before and it took time for me to be financially able to split. However you can still take turns to have kids on weekend if you fancy some “me” time as well as weekends I found could be claustrophobic and felt like we “had “ to do things together with kids. But cut down what you do for him to a minimum. Cannot believe his cheek rolling back in after going awol.

Original poster

Littlechesnuttree · 17/07/2024 07:57

Runnerinthenight · 16/07/2024 22:37

Did you ring-fence the house deposit in any way?

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No and I don’t think those things hold much water anyway as I did look into it but it’s fine as dysfunctional as it is, it’s not working too too bad atm.

need rates a bit lower before I can buy my own place

OP posts:

Ohnobackagain · 17/07/2024 00:05

@Littlechesnuttree yes, he is deluded indeed.

Runnerinthenight · 16/07/2024 22:37

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 21:43

He’s never stopped paying for the mortgage or house, so I don’t mind it going 50/50, I won’t lose out that way. He actually has 2 homes (one his mum lives in, definitely in his name) so if he really wants to be difficult I can too.

i don’t think I’ll be entitled to UC- I earn over 50k a year, so even if I went to 20 hrs I’d still earn over the threshold. But I wouldn’t be able to reduce my hours and keep my job.

im sure part of the reason he doesn’t want a divorce is that he’s realised what it’s like to do things alone, pick up the kids and make food for them and tidy up and bedtime when I’ve had to stay late at the office. Pathetic

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Did you ring-fence the house deposit in any way?

Original poster

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 21:43

pandasorous · 16/07/2024 21:36

unfortunately then you might have to sell the house. the problem is, eventually you will divorce and you would have been the main contributor to the mortgage and then you will have to give him half the equity when you eventually divorce and are forced to sell.
you will financially lose out at this point
also given how he has demonstrated he is a massive twat, he is unlikely to stick to the agreed amount (which isn't much... you would probably get more from UC + cms as well as 25% council tax discount) and then you might miss mortgage payments.
finally, in the divorce settlement, you can agree a stay in place order which allows to remain in the house until children are older and then for the house to be sold.
either way, I would reccommend speaking to a lawyer

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He’s never stopped paying for the mortgage or house, so I don’t mind it going 50/50, I won’t lose out that way. He actually has 2 homes (one his mum lives in, definitely in his name) so if he really wants to be difficult I can too.

i don’t think I’ll be entitled to UC- I earn over 50k a year, so even if I went to 20 hrs I’d still earn over the threshold. But I wouldn’t be able to reduce my hours and keep my job.

im sure part of the reason he doesn’t want a divorce is that he’s realised what it’s like to do things alone, pick up the kids and make food for them and tidy up and bedtime when I’ve had to stay late at the office. Pathetic

OP posts:

pandasorous · 16/07/2024 21:36

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 20:22

The hilarity though right? Waaa I’m leaving because I want to go on holiday with my fwends waa, I’m going back to stay with my mummy because I can’t take this pwessure anymore… waaa. THEN to be that delusional to think not getting divorced was even an option.

sadly I can’t afford the mortgage alone, monthly payments or from an affordability point of view.

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unfortunately then you might have to sell the house. the problem is, eventually you will divorce and you would have been the main contributor to the mortgage and then you will have to give him half the equity when you eventually divorce and are forced to sell.
you will financially lose out at this point
also given how he has demonstrated he is a massive twat, he is unlikely to stick to the agreed amount (which isn't much... you would probably get more from UC + cms as well as 25% council tax discount) and then you might miss mortgage payments.
finally, in the divorce settlement, you can agree a stay in place order which allows to remain in the house until children are older and then for the house to be sold.
either way, I would reccommend speaking to a lawyer

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 16/07/2024 21:10

Also and as a pp has verbalised, you are awesome! The meal planning puts me to shame!

DoesthislookgoodOnMe · 16/07/2024 21:09

I’m sorry to hear your update op! However I saw your other post about struggling with the housework so I suggest now he’s back he had tasks allocated and don’t clean up any of his shit! I’ve had experience of living in a difficult situation with my ExH, sending you solidarity x

Original poster

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 20:22

Ohnobackagain · 16/07/2024 14:05

@Littlechesnuttree tough he doesn’t want one. Divorce him. Can you afford the mortgage on your own? Work out if the house has gone up at all, he can have his share of any equity, you stay put, otherwise sell up. He doesn’t get to decide you stay in this sham of a marriage!

The hilarity though right? Waaa I’m leaving because I want to go on holiday with my fwends waa, I’m going back to stay with my mummy because I can’t take this pwessure anymore… waaa. THEN to be that delusional to think not getting divorced was even an option.

sadly I can’t afford the mortgage alone, monthly payments or from an affordability point of view.

OP posts:

Musicaltheatremum · 16/07/2024 19:06

@Littlechesnuttree

I'm not sure if anyone noticed it from a post a couple of weeks ago...but I'm in awe that so soon after your husband left you had the energy to plan meals to meal prep for a month. I'm so sorry you're being taken advantage of. Best of luck.

TangerinePlate · 16/07/2024 17:38

It doesn’t matter what he wants or doesn’t

What do you want OP? Take it from there.

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 16/07/2024 17:19

He doesn’t need to agree to it.

So he wanted to spend all of the family holiday budget on a piss up lads’ holiday for himself. Went anyway. Then refused to come home. Now he’s come back and is refusing to leave and also attempting to refuse a divorce?

What a cunt.

Beautifulbythebay · 16/07/2024 16:48

He doesn't need to agree. Just file.

Runnerinthenight · 16/07/2024 16:40

Divorce his arse anyway!

Whothefuckdoesthat · 16/07/2024 16:03

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 13:59

we both own the house so he is (sadly) entitled to live here.

he doesn’t want a divorce either- go figure

Wow. It really is all about him and what he wants, isn’t it?! I think you have got some absolutely fucking horrendous people in your life.

This situation you’re in now is shit. Really fucking shit and you don’t deserve it. I promise you that it’s not going to last forever and that eventually, you’re going to reach a stage where you’re happy and at peace in your life. I wonder whether this is nature’s way of clearing out all the old crap in your life; the people who take and take and take, to make room for the lovely new stuff to come. Or I could be talking out my ear hole and it could just be a shit phase. But it will get better.

Nanny0gg · 16/07/2024 14:52

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 13:59

we both own the house so he is (sadly) entitled to live here.

he doesn’t want a divorce either- go figure

Well, he might not, but what do you want?

yepandagain · 16/07/2024 14:36

as hopefully your mother hasn’t been around you or your children?

Ohnobackagain · 16/07/2024 14:05

@Littlechesnuttree tough he doesn’t want one. Divorce him. Can you afford the mortgage on your own? Work out if the house has gone up at all, he can have his share of any equity, you stay put, otherwise sell up. He doesn’t get to decide you stay in this sham of a marriage!

Original poster

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 13:59

we both own the house so he is (sadly) entitled to live here.

he doesn’t want a divorce either- go figure

OP posts:

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 16/07/2024 13:43

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 16/07/2024 13:21

Oh no! I am sorry for you. I hope you are cooking and feeding him as well!? Let him fend for himself. Can you get removed from the house?

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Sorry! I meant: " I hope you are NOT cooking and feeding him as well". 😅

Exquisitebluebutterfly · 16/07/2024 13:21

Littlechesnuttree · 16/07/2024 11:33

I’m well thank you!

the turd refused to flush.

aka he came back and is now living in the spare room because it’s his house too.

found out that Aldi have wagu frying steaks, kids love them.

so mixed bag all in all

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Oh no! I am sorry for you. I hope you are cooking and feeding him as well!? Let him fend for himself. Can you get removed from the house?