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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this cheeky?

29 replies

MotherOfOlafs · 17/06/2024 12:14

Family member asked DH what he’d like for Xmas, DH said a bottle of whiskey that cost around £40, but if it was too much money then that’s fine. Family member bought the bottle but did not stop telling everyone on xmas day that they couldn’t believe the cost, and comments like ‘oh are you drinking wine with lunch? I would’ve thought you’d be starting in on the whiskey that COST ME £40!!’ etc.

Next month is family members birthday (not a big one). They have asked for a particular perfume from YSL that I cannot find for less than around £60. I want to buy a dupe but DH says we should just get it. Am I being petty?

OP posts:
Coldsore · 17/06/2024 12:30

Is buying a dupe of a perfume a thing?! I’ve never heard of that/sounds like a terrible idea for a gift.

I would buy it but then I would repeatedly go on about their 60£ gift because I’m petty.

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 17/06/2024 12:29

Everythingiscalmfornow · 17/06/2024 12:23

Well I think buying a dupe would be an unpleasant thing to do. I would buy the real thing BUT going forward I would stop the practice of asking people what they want. It does put financial pressure on people. I think buying small surprise gifts that are thoughtful is what gift giving should be about. Then people can buy what they can afford. Making it all about monetary value is not the spirit of gifting.

To be honest myself and DH will just keep an ear out for when either of us mentions something we like or have seen that’s interesting throughout the year if that makes sense?

The family member is from a generation of where you are asked and they also like to be asked? Similar to a person who will give money for a birthday but will be upset if it goes towards food shopping or bills which is inevitable at times.

OP posts:
Everythingiscalmfornow · 17/06/2024 12:23

Well I think buying a dupe would be an unpleasant thing to do. I would buy the real thing BUT going forward I would stop the practice of asking people what they want. It does put financial pressure on people. I think buying small surprise gifts that are thoughtful is what gift giving should be about. Then people can buy what they can afford. Making it all about monetary value is not the spirit of gifting.

dudsville · 17/06/2024 12:19

The gift giving culture of this family is screwy. Get the bottle, because the tradition seems to be to ask and then get what the person asked for, then change the culture. This can be via explicit discussion and agreement, or implicit in that yoy stop asking and stop telling when asked and work to a price cap you're comfortable with giving. A 3rd option could be to ask if they'd be able to choose something at the £40 mark.

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