I can't afford to keep an adult child

Time to get tough. His options:

£400 pm as a standing order into your account.

£500pm if ad hoc payment that you have to nag him for.

Do you think before you post ? How cruel. Do you not think she already feels bad enough ? Seriously.

How do you know the OP brought him into the world on benefits.?

Even if she did that is not a crime

There may be charities and organisations that could support him if he has learning disabilities. Perhaps they can help with applying to housing associations, benefit assistance and life skills?

You can both apply for PIP
It is not means tested
You can work & claim PIP
Your son should be paying to stay with you or move out
https://www.gov.uk/pip

Show him whatbhe would be paying if he wasnt living at home - find a local room to rent so it is realistic to him. Base the rest off your own bills, and show him these too. Then work out what he's have left, if anything, af the end of the month.
Then show him what it would cost him to stay at home while paying you at least 100p/w. He can still save quite a lot per month assuming he doesnt have much else to pay for.
Get firm - he's a grown up and needs to start acting as one!

So you've brought him into the world with no way of supporting him accept benefits and now they've stopped you need to turf him out.
His father has abandoned him and he has learning disabilities and can only earn NMW.
Poor lad, I'm not blaming you op but these circumstances all add up to a pretty bleak outlook for a young man with additional needs.

It's all very well advising the OP to give him an ultimatum to move out but what if he refuses? The next stage could be just awful. Having calm conversations with him obviously isn't working. My full sympathies to you OP and hope this can be resolved in the near future.

OP has principles. One of them being that she shouldn’t be a martyr and starve herself to keep someone who is able to work.

OP, it may help him to u deter and if you actually write down the costs of everything against money coming in.

If he's being like this, then I'd be telling him it's time to move out and stand on his own 2 feet. You certainly shouldn't be having to ask him repeatedly for the rent money each month before he coughs up.

You can still get pip and work full time

You are being perfectly reasonable. If he is resentful, task him with finding somewhere to live for £400 pm, all in - bills, food, rent. If he can find somewhere, great! He can move out and be independent. If he can't, then he can thank his fabulous mum for keeping a roof over his head.

If he qualifies for any disability payment, help him apply and claim for it, but if he’s in full time employment, this prob won’t apply.

https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/student-and-graduate-money/paying-your-own-way

You say he has a LD. To what extent does this affect his understanding of life in general?

It sounds like you pussyfoot around him and he has become a little entitled sadly. As others have said FT NMW is £1500 a month. More than enough to house share with others if you are in a cheaper part of the country. I'm afraid I'd be saying the money has to be in your account on a specific day each month. If it isn't then he gets one warning and then served 'notice' to move out. As he has savings he is completely out of order and must surely have enough to put a deposit down for a room share. He is resentful of having to use his money to live like an adult but yet is happy to watch you struggle to pay the bills whilst living with a disability....

Of course you’re not being unreasonable if you can’t afford to live yourself! It’s a privilege to be able to let your children live at home rent free forever, and feed and host them and friends etc.

I think you need to give him a sharp reality check in being an adult. Make him sit down with you and go through each and every bill. Then go through the equivalent if he were to live in a shared house or room in a HMO.

Also to add that even though I'll be in a position to help my two when the time comes, I'll still expect them to pay their way.

No interest in raising a further snowflake generation here.

He can set up a direct debit from savings

And start charging him interest for late payment too.

I would sit down with him and show him your outgoings. Not just a "things are expensive" but a "my council tax is X", "electricity is y" "the food budget is Z" so he knows if he moves out what he will be responsible for. I'm amazed he doesn't realise what a good gig he had.

I was in the fortunate position of being able to save when I lived at home but I was at University (or in my gap year saving for University). If he's in a FT job then sorry kiddo, time to start adulting.

I don't feel it's unreasonable to ask your working adult child to contribute financially too the household he's living in.

If he was living on his own he would certainly realise how expensive it is just for the basics for living.

Yes people will come on and have a view that children should never pay rent or board and keep as we used to call it.. but everyone's circumstances are different.

I am sending hugs because it sounds difficult for you x

£100 is far too low. You’re losing £77 a week in benefits because he lives there, so in reality you’d be feeding him and paying for the extra utilities for just £23 a week. That’s impossible! Realistically you will be going without basics like food and clothes yourself just so he can have a load of pocket money. He needs to understand that.

Time to tell him that he does as you ask or moves out then. If he had to pay rent elsewhere he'd have to set up a direct debit.

He can live in a room in shared accommodation.

Start sending him suitable rooms.

If you die what will he do?

He needs to start steering his own ship wherever that leads him is up to him.

Just read your last post, so he has savings and you are struggling this boy is taking the piss. I think it's time he moved out and has a massive reality check.