I can't afford to keep an adult child

Write down his share of the costs...
That's 1/2 council tax, gas & electric, food, water, rent, ...
Also look up to options of renting a room or flat/ house, again compare figures. Rent full pay, broadband full pay, water full pay ... he might pay less council tax and gas & electric and food...

Then ask him what he'd prefer paying:
His fair share, move out or the very generous £100 pw. Had to do similar with DD, she's not said anything since.

Why would he be any more high needs than any other single person on minimum wage? Surely, he'd be at the back of the queue behind all the people with children, the disabled and elderly.

He has to confront the reality of the situation here; he is a working adult who has to pay to support himself, and this is the best deal he is going to get. In an ideal world you'd have plenty of money to support you both and wouldn't charge him anything, but you don't have that money and therefore he has to contribute. It's not optional, it is compulsory. He takes it seriously and commits to paying his share by setting up a direct debit to you, or he can move out.

Wanting to save is great, but buying a house shouldn't even be on his radar yet; how is he going to buy a house if he earns minimum wage and cannot afford to pay rent? What kind of mortgage does he think he is going to get? His focus needs to be on how he is going to increase his earnings while paying you what you ask for, which is a very reasonable amount.

£100 pw to cover meals and bills when he's out working seems very steep to me.

And that's coming from someone in the same circumstances. I ask for half the bills (70pm) and £20 a week for one dinner weeknights. He buys his own snacks/breakfast/lunches.

@PivotPivotmakingmargaritas

erm no he can do all his own washing etc AND pay rent to op

My son has paid since he started full time employment. His live in GF pays a small amount too as electric isn't free and they use it to cook as well as water on a meter. Seems a fair ask. If he says no then he's welcome to try and find a way to pay less somewhere else...😁

Tell him he can always go a rent a place of his own.

Life is not cheap, gas, electric etc all add up. You are not in a position to support him financially and therefore it’s shocking that he thinks your quality of life should suffer so that his can improve!

He really does not appreciate all the costs involved.

You need to sit him down and start by showing him the £77 extra it costs just to have him under your roof. Then add his food, then utilities

He sounds entitled! Tell him you would if you could but you can’t do you won’t and at least if he goes you’ll be £77 better off!

You have an adult of working age in your home. He is 23, not 16. He is not a student that you have agreed to support through uni.
He earns an adult's wage.
He needs to be paying half of every bill , except perhaps mortgage if you have one.
Paying 'keep' is for teenagers and students, not grown adults.

I am disabled and when I lived at home I had to contribute with my disability money and use the rest for expenses .
When I left home I was able to claim for the full cost of my rent, + universal credit, and the LCWRA component of universal credit, I also have PIP. It was cheaper to leave home and if your son is also disabled he should too

I don’t know. If he moved out he’d have to pay rent + all of his living expenses, but like you he would be able to claim universal credit + the disability element and possibly PIP as well to help with or cover those costs. I think he should move out and apply for a council house

Tell him to pay his fair share or move out. No arguments.

If he refuses to leave I'd lock him out.

No more washing for him, internet or snacks etc

If he wants to live independently then he can. He either sets up a direct payment or he can pay for his own food, internet and do all his own washing etc

Would a family friend help explain to him.
I’d reframe it in your mind you are doing him a favour long term by encouraging him to factor living costs into his life.
I drive past a rent a room house today board outside was £395 for room and bills no food. Could you show him price of rooms?

Yes he needs to pay but I also think you need to support him into a career where he can live alone etc

As a mother you need to help your son become independent. The fastest route to that is not to charge him anything, so he can save up so he can eventually afford his own home. If you keep charging him, that will never happen. You both lose in the long run!

Has your son explored universal credits etc, if he is on a very low income? I’d speak to citizen’s advice and see if you, as a household, aren’t entitled to other benefits?

Do you get pip
if you do I’m pretty sure your sons dosent have to pay towards your rent

dwp /uC won’t tell you this
you have to let them know

If he is on NMW, then his net pay is likely about £20.5k if he’s paying £100pw to you then he still has about £14.5k pa for all his other costs. You are hardly bankrupting him.

He needs take responsibility for his own financial destiny.

@maddiemookins yes that is absolutely shameful.

My ds19 earns 1200 a month working about 25 hours a week on more or less NMW, while studying for a uni access course. He pays 300 a month for housing, food and upkeep. I gave him a month free in lieu of a birthday present but that's my only concession, it's my job to teach him the real world and I expect him to contribute.

I don't care if he lives at home till he's 40, as long as he shows respect and pays his way.

With the rest, he sometimes buys techy stuff but otherwise saves, and has sensibly put the rest in an ISA.

Definitely show your ds this thread, op. If nothing else he must know the pain of council tax.

Would be living at home long term?

So he can't even afford a room in a house share? Is he expecting to go from living at home straight to his own place with a mortgage? Life doesn't work like that son!

What irks me about these posts is that the ADULTS living off their parents are always in a much better financial position than their parents.

I worked with a lass who earned 34K (back in 2013), She paid her Mum £200 a month, yes a month. She was still living at home in her 40s with her mum working in Iceland for extra money in the evenings.

Shameful.

Sit him down and calmly factually walk him through your income and outgoings, the money have lost because he is there, and what he actually costs you - food, elec, water, council tax etc. If at the end of this he has not changed his attitude tell him that he needs to find himself a flat share to live in, as he is not happy and there is nothing you can do about it sadly.

Suggest if he wants more money, more things in life. He does what the rest of us have done;

He works more than one job
He trains on the job or at college/uni for a better paid job
He starts his own business

Does he pay into a work place pension ?
Because some employers pay free contributions into pensions eg if he pays 3%, the employer will pay 3% or more for free. The company will have set their own %. The pension may also provide free life insurance too.

On £1500 a month why can he not afford to give you £400 and save for his future? Sorry but this sounds like an excuse for not wanting to pay you any money. For example he could save £600 and spend £500 and give you £400. If he wants to buy in future he should use a LISA to get a top up from govt. £500 to spend on whatever you want a month after all essentials have been paid for is a luxury most people don’t have.

Anyone on £1500 a month would struggle to live in their own property on their own which is why most young people don’t! There are
options though including living in a larger shared property, sharing with a partner or friends or sharing with a housemate you find online etc! All depends on area and budget.

Again the ability to buy a property depends on area, budget, if buying alone etc. Lots of new build houses offer deposits paid and low interest mortgages, it’s not always impossible.

Sorry to say this but the transfer to savings/bank charge blah blah thing sounds like the worse excuse ever and it doesn’t even make sense. On pay day he can have a standing order set up for a transfer to savings and a transfer to you and whatever other transfers he likes! It takes 2 mins on pay day to check it’s all gone though properly on an online banking app to avoid any charges!

At 23 and working full time it’s time he started
taking responsibility for sensible budgeting, finance admin, managing his spending, saving for his future and living in the real world. Like you said he is capable. Your not kicking him out at the end of the day you’re allowing him to live there at what is probably a significant discount to the market rate and price of utilities/food etc!

Do you have any spare rooms you could rent out to a lodger or perhaps you could consider if your son does eventually move out.

You are right, I framed this poorly as I was posting in a rush on a bus. Sorry OP.

What I meant was that those of us who have partners and are not disabled can afford to not charge rent. But you can't, so you shouldn't feel bad.