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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send this message to ExH

31 replies

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:07

Split 8 years ago, very amicable usually and co parent well. Both have other partners for the past 5 years and although have the odd (and I mean odd) spat we are very much for the kids. I want to send the text below but unsure if I'm being unreasonable. A is my oldest and 11 year old. Have a younger son who I haven't asked about this so just taking A's POV...

Hey just wanted to double check something with you.

A came back from yours Sunday and when watching the football said that he didn’t want to stay in the lodge we had booked before flying out from Manchester because you had said and in his words “it was rubbish” and “gran and dad were giving looks when we spoke about it”

Not that we need to justify but I’m genuinely hoping A has the wrong end of the story here and/ or has misunderstood the interaction that’s went on.

We showed A for the third time where we were staying before flying out and he is genuinely excited and said when we showed him “I don’t know why they think it’s rubbish”

I know I haven’t sent accommodation details cause we’re not that OTT and assume we do the best for the kids but just want to get this sorted out as A was pretty adamant that this is what has went on and if so then I’m genuinely a bit miffed by it considering we work hard and save hard for a holiday each year.

OP posts:

paasll · 17/06/2024 10:08

HawthornHedges · 17/06/2024 09:37

I think it is a bit rubbish to have to stay in a hotel / lodge by the airport whilst you wait for a flight. Often things in life are a bit rubbish and we empathise with that. Maybe that was the tone of the comment but your son has taken it too much to heart.

It isn’t rubbish - it’s fun!

HawthornHedges · 17/06/2024 09:37

Testina · 17/06/2024 09:23

I’d be having words with your son, tbh. I do see that he’s been exposed to some crap by his grandparents, so I’m not talking coming down on him like a tonne of bricks. But he’s 11, he’s old enough to be told to check his bloody privilege, saying he doesn’t want to stay in a hotel the night before a flight for a bloody holiday in Spain! I wouldn’t try to convince him that the lodge was nice, either. I’d simply have a conversation with him and point out the early start he’s avoiding, the cost (and how you work for that money) that’s avoiding that early start, and how he’s damn lucky to be going on holiday - let alone abroad!

His grandparents have made some rude snobby comment… but at 11, he’s old enough to reflect on his own rude reaction to you.

paasll · 17/06/2024 09:14

Don’t text him at all about this. Square it with your child and remember your ex is an ex for a reason

sort it out with your child
your ex mil is a miserable cow for dampening a child’s holiday.

Next time write: holiday booked 24-30 July - Spain.

BusyMummy001 · 17/06/2024 07:25

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:19

Thanks @Sunlounger25

I'm genuinely just a bit gutted about it. They go to a place in the UK each year which I have never seen a website or floor plan for, similar I have never sent this to him as we just trust where we stay is kid friendly. We always send details of location (for example "Lake District") but I know they are safe and looked after so I don't demand exact location and neither does ExH. I would never dream of saying "that's rubbish!" Or "the same place again" or anything like that. We both have access to track A should we want/ need to.

I'm just genuinely gutted. Me and exMIL have never really seen eye to eye so think she may be the instigator but for the kids I would have expected exH to say "it will be a nice time" or something similar.

You're right though I should rise above. Just flipping annoying though that this happened at 8:30pm tonight and it's now past midnight and bugging me!

It sounds as though Ex DH’s nose is out of joint because he can only take them on UK holidays and you are taking them abroad. Likely misplaces as UK holidays can be as expensive/amazing as overseas ones, but some people have a weird inverted snobbery about it.

I would just tell DH that dad has never stayed in the lodge and doesn’t know what he’s on about - and that lots of people stop over at an airport lodge/hotel if they have an early flight. Then focus on the Spanish bit of the hols.

PandaRice · 17/06/2024 07:00

Defo don’t send the text. It’s not needed.

have a great time.

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 06:51

FWIW we've only called it "the lodge" cause that's what the hotel have called it.

We were looking for a family or adjoining rooms. Phoned a few places and this hotel said they didn't have that available but we could have their lodge which was the same price. It's a detached small house itself in the grounds of the hotel with 2 rooms, living space and a small kitchen. It's about a 13 minute drive from the airport.

A just seemed very down about the thought of it all following the conversation that they had had. Won't send the text, will absolutely ignore and get on with today and getting excited for going.

Thanks all again.

OP posts:

Amsx · 17/06/2024 05:39

A lodge near an airport does sound rubbish but so what?

It's a place to sleep before the holiday.

Ignore it.

FTPM1980 · 17/06/2024 04:36

You don't know what your DS described/actually said or what they reacted to.
The idea of a lodge at a hotel (near Man airport) for what will be just a few hours is quite a strange one.

5475878237NC · 17/06/2024 04:15

He's a prat. There you go.

Have a lovely time.

HelenaWaiting · 17/06/2024 03:48

Are you absolutely sure they weren't talking about the early start for a 6 am flight. "Oh, that's a bit rubbish" and your DS got the wrong end of the stick?

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:59

Ah thanks @Aquamarine1029 we're all the same just doing the best for us and our families! Just good to have the outside perspective at times and thank you for the helpful comments! Really appreciated xx

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 17/06/2024 00:55

You're lovely, op. Have the best time EVER on your holiday.

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:53

Thanks @Isittimeformynapyet really appreciate that post! X

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:52

Thanks all and I mean that from deep down. I feel relaxed enough to get some sleep now and not let this annoy me as it probably would have if I hadn't posted and got an outside perspective.

I very much remember which I divorced the numpty and will leave him be. His DM is of a different breed and I'm happy to say I'm free of that too! We coparent very well and all get on but i guess there will always be the odd dig either way. I hand on heart can't think of a time vice versa like this but I'll hold my head high!

Myself the boys and my DP will have the most wonderful time at the lodge, our holiday in Spain and at the same lodge after before coming back to reality. I honestly can't wait so think I'll have the photos of the lodge and hotel on the TV tomorrow with a big countdown! Woop woop!

OP posts:

Isittimeformynapyet · 17/06/2024 00:47

You'll feel better in the morning OP.

Have a wonderful holiday and keep the co-parenting simple.

You should be proud that you've done so well.

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:43

I will channel my @PTSDBarbiegirl for sure!!! lol I did say "that's weird as I told dad we were staying in Manchester for flying out but didn't send him the link" we shown A but I very much doubt he'd have looked at the link or be able to find the lodge to show ExH.

Maybe I'm hangry, tired and/ or hormonal and just being sensitive.

Thanks all you've genuinely let me have my rant and not caused a drama. Just what I needed.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 17/06/2024 00:41

I’ve stayed in many a crappy airport hotel the night before an early flight. You do it for the convenience not the experience.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/06/2024 00:40

Use this experience to reflect and remember why you divorced this idiot.

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:40

Yup @bumbledeedum just the night before and night after.

It just annoyed me as it seemed to almost put a negative on the holiday as a whole. I don't know why I care so much tbh I think just the way A said it and actually acted the "eye rolls" which annoyed me.

Happy to have got my text and feelings out here in a safe space and not cause a drama.

OP posts:

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:37

Absolutely @MasterOfCake happy to accept that. It's a me problem.

We've saved and really budgeted for a good holiday and flying from an airport a good few hours away so have paid for days before and after to extend so just mad this is what has been said.

Will take a breath and rise above and not send anything. A is excited and so are we and that's all that matters!

OP posts:

PTSDBarbiegirl · 17/06/2024 00:35

Feck them! Just don't engage with their nasty immature digs. No point in being hurt, the best medicine is to have a nice holiday. When your DS tells you this kind of thing you could say, 'Oh well, that's a strange thing for them to say. Are you packing blue shorts...'.

bumbledeedum · 17/06/2024 00:35

I don't really understand why you're even annoyed, who cares what your ex thinks about an airport hotel you're staying in? It's not even where you're going on holiday is it, just a stop over?

Original poster

sparklingwater1 · 17/06/2024 00:35

Thanks @Aquamarine1029

This is what I needed to hear. I guess I just needed a space to type the "text" and get it off my chest without actually sending it.

Annoyed that this is going on when I've spent the last 2 weeks getting holiday clothes and bigging up where they go every year and for A to come home and be sad about a holiday cause of what Dad has said has really annoyed me. I'd expect that behaviour 8 years ago when we first split but not now and I guess has just thrown me a bit that I thought we were in a really good place but maybe not.

Lesson learned I suppose.

Thanks for the perspective...however if anyone else wants to jump on the wagon saying he's a prat and shouldn't have said that I'd feel validated and much better about it haha! Happy to wait to this Friday and repost when the wine is flowing if better lol

Thanks all x

OP posts:

MasterOfCake · 17/06/2024 00:32

What’s the point in sending that text? Your feelings aren’t enough to justify sending a message that won’t achieve anything and is simply a telling off.

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