All I wanted when I got home from hospital was to be looked after by my dh

As soon as you are well enough, run like your hair is on fire. Scum like him never get better, but they do get worse in ways that impact your safety. I'd say there is a high risk of DV if you stay with him.

He sounds lovely

So if he’d had surgery, just got home from hospital would you get pissed, have a sleep then scream at the TV while he did laundry and fetched shopping in ? Thought not.
LTB.

I know it's hard because you've been ground down, but you have to put yourself first and leave this relationship.

Why do some women put up with such awful, useless men? Men that show how little they care.

My husband, and the husbands of virtually every woman I know, would not let me lift a finger if I’d had an operation. I wouldn’t even have to think about anything other than resting and recovering.

This is normal, OP. Not what you’re having to deal with.

Bless him. 🥹 We should all be so lucky to be loved like that. 🩷

I'm really sorry that you've been ill and that you have come home to this.

I think it's time you made plans. He really doesn't give a shit about anyone else does he? You don't need to plan to go immediately but I think it would be a really good idea to start to see it as a possibility.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

Goodness some of the men I read about on mumsnet are absolutely useless. This man doesn't care about you so when you are feeling better make a plan to get rid of him. My DH would have been running round doing everything to allow me to rest as I did when he had heart surgery a few years ago. In sickness and in health doesn't seem to apply with some men. Appalling and you deserve better.

When did you have the surgery and what was it? Did the docs not recommend rest?

This is so horrible 🥲 makes me realise why I’m single and how no man has ever been good enough compared to how my own dad is and how I won’t accept anything other than someone who is as wonderful as him.

my mum had a major op a month ago and recovery time is quite long. My 78 yr old dad hasn’t let her lift a finger since. He dresses her, washes her, makes her food, helps her with physio, holds her up when she tries to walk, does the shopping, cleans the house, helps her on and off the stair lift (which he got installed when she was in hospital), phones her family and friend to give them updates, times and counts out her medication. All of that and he hasn’t had to be asked once. The love and respect he has for her is beyond anything I’ve seen. He won’t even leave the house to go for a walk (which he loves) without one of us being there to check she’s safe whilst he’s out. He’s utterly selfless.

this is the kind of man all of us should expect to be with. So many of the posts on MN about people’s partners are utterly heartbreaking

Why dont you just say it? Its easier if you ask him to do stuff and make food for you.

He's a selfish twat.

I'd only been with DH a few months when I had major spinal surgery - we didn't even live together, but he stepped up and did EVERYTHING for about 6 weeks and made sure the heaviest thing I lifted was a kettle.

I feel for you op, I really do x

He sounds like he’s got a drink problem and is a lazy selfish git. I would be making plans to get rid as soon as you’re well and definitely making it clear to him that he should be letting heavy stuff and generally looking after you! Not that you should have to but he’s obviously not going to step up.

I can't understand why women stay with men like this.

OP, he's a selfish cunt. You shouldn't have to ask him to step up, he should just do it because being in a relationship is about caring for each other in times of need and to be considerate.

I hope you have a speedy recovery.

Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

What time did the shop
come? Why was he in bed?

Unless you’d ordered a shop to come at 8am after he’d done a night shift, that sounds rather useless on his behalf.

He’s a useless selfish man. LTB

I personally couldn't watch dw doing any of that after coming out of hospital nope I would have made sure she was comfy,fave stuff on telly and whatever she wanted....it's not hard to do.

From the first post I could tell he’s a waste of space ☹️.

I'm sorry you’re experiencing this and hope you have some other source of support. Look after yourself 💐.

What a twat.
I had this OP ..ex used to ignore me when i was ill, service had to carry on regardless by me. I came down with bacterial pneumonia (asthmatic) and he barely acknowledged how ill i was, i couldn't do anything anyway. I had a severe allergic reaction once, blue lights the lot, he just stood staring at me whilst i was on the floor gasping for breath... luckily DD was there to ring ambulance. None on the gear and still no idea.

OP...he knows youd have done all that because the kids, food, uniform etc.
However, he needs talking to seriously...if he dismisses it, you have bigger problems xxxx

So did you tell him what needed doing this afternoon ? Yes it wound be great if he was proactive to know by himself but you also know that's not the case.

H the shop is due between 1-2 you'll need to take it in and can you put some uniform on wash as the kids need it for tomorrow...... Oh and tea and toast would be nice i need to recover my strength.

Oh OP that’s just so really disappointing. He’s really awful and you are not obliged to keep him. i hope you feel better soon x

This is so sad, I'm sorry. I understand why you did those things - it sounds like the household would not function if he was being relied upon. Your child needed a uniform and the family needs to eat. But can you see how crazy that all sounds? You can't rely on your own dh to do the bare minimum to keep things moving? What is the point of him?

Gosh, scrap my last reply. He’s grim😱 tell him to buck up immediately or I would def leave. He sounds awful.