All I wanted when I got home from hospital was to be looked after by my dh

Men are cunts. Mine is the same when I'm ill . Don't even get a cup of tea offered

He's obviously a completely useless waste of space. But I think you need to speak up and tell him he needs to do x, y and z.

If he still failed to anything I'd be questioning this 'partnership' altogether.

How do people like your DH sleep at night? Why is it men who so often behave this way? Even if their mums have molly-coddled them they must know it's so heartless, and selfish?

He's an arsehole...'tis all 💐

Omg. Now you tell me about the football behaviour. Why on earth?
My abusive brother screams at the football drunk. It's absolutely disgusting

I think you meant to quote me, but thanks :)

I completely get Op as i know so many women whose partners were total shit after their c sections. No intuition to help.

OP I totally understand why you feel so sad. It would be lovely to be looked after following an operation. To set down the mental load and rest, concentrating on recovery.
If he can’t help can you ask a friend/relative to come over? Make sure you rest properly 🌹

I don’t need anything pointing out to me. I know sooooooo many women who are absolutely exhausted because their partners don’t help enough. My previous therapist also spoke about this with her years of experience in couples’ therapy. Women are sick to death of doing everything.

She didn't say she was shocked. She said she is sad about it. She's allowed to be sad and angry that her husband is such a dick, no matter how long he's been a dick.
It seems to me you might be looking for a way to blame her, because how long he's been like this isn't relevant here. The point is that she should face the reality that he is a dick and leave him.

He is awful.
You are enabling it.
I'd have let them put the food shop inside the door.
Woken him up and told him it needs putting away and the kids uniforms need washing and drying.
Stay in bed today and tell him to sort the kids out. Tell him when youd like lunch and what youd like.
Ditto for dinner.

Get well soon. You should have opened the door to the delivery asked that they wait whilst you got the twat up. Then told him to put it away.

Martyring yourself is not the answer here. Get well soon.

What a prick he is OP. Is this normal for him?

Same here! My experience is, thankfully, the complete opposite! How can you speak for the majority of women! There’s millions of us!

Oh I’m sorry OP, he sounds really selfish. :( Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I can only think that if you are doing that stuff, he probably assumes you’re okay to do it. Some men are not trained by the world around them to think about anyone besides themselves a bit slow on the uptake and don’t consider other people’s needs unless they are spelled out clearly. Quietly playing the martyr will get you nowhere with someone like this as they will keep taking until you stop giving.

I would have a serious conversation with him about his actions, how they made you feel, and about how he needs to step up with the housework so that you can recover.

@Braindump09 I’m sorry your relationship has come to this. I don’t know if your dh has always been like this from the start as some pp are suggesting. But I have been in relationships when the man treats me like a person of value at the beginning (or first couple of years) then at some point turns into how you have described your husband’s behaviour.

I don’t know if it’s because they want to end the relationship but are too cowardly to just come out and say it, so they behave increasingly badly until you get fed up and end it yourself. Or if it is because of a mentality that once I’ve put the effort into attracting you and convincing you to commit long term then I don’t have to bother anymore (I did my bit!).

FFS, it’s a forum for women, if we want to say men are bellends, we can.

Most people with an ounce of common sense know we don’t mean every single man.

Can you get any adult to care for you today?
I am worried your hungover H will be selfishly ignoring you again.

This is all really shocking to read. The contempt he is showing you is awful.
Please don't let this slide or ignore it or shrug it off.
He deliberately neglected you and incapacitated himself so you couldn't ask him to pick up some chores or be responsible.

Horrible behaviour. Wishing you a speedy recovery @Braindump09

I know lots of women hate 'Not all men are like that' comments (with good reason) but if you're going to make stupid and just plain inaccurate comments like 'men are bellends' then a perfectly valid respons is to point out to you that not all men are like that.

I 100% agree with you. When my husband says "you should have asked" I reply :

"So I have to ask everything, forever.... making it all my responsibility?? What's your own head for?"

Martyrdom will get you a hernia OP if you’re not careful. I agree you need to reach out to wider family if your partner is as useless and selfish as he seems to be

That’s awful. After my open appendix surgery my ex went to the football the next day, leaving me alone with a 20 month old and 4yr old. His excuse was he thought my 15yr old son would be there, but he had gone to his grandma’s early for Christmas, it wasn’t his responsibility to look after me. Of course he could have not gone when he realised, but still did. We split up soon after, and to be fair he really did look after me and kids when I had a major surgery 6/7yrs after we split. He came every day to the hospital, a 3hr round trip and came over every day to cook dinner for the kids and wash up. He’s a better ex than he ever was partner

He sounds like a useless idiot really, he shouldn't need to be given instructions like a child to do basic household jobs and look after you when you're sick

A decent man wouldn't dream of behaving like this

Martyrdom isn't attractive. If you were doing the laundry and said no when he offered to get you something no wonder he took it at face value that you were OK. I'd have come in from my OP amd laid on the sofa and rwad/ watched tv and made it clear I didn't want to be up and about. And then family members would know to look after me Plus I'd have asked for what I needed

He shouldn't need to be told all that, he should be doing his share anyway.