All I wanted when I got home from hospital was to be looked after by my dh

OP I assume this arsehole behaviour hasn’t sprung out of nowhere?

you’d probably have helped yourself by telling him when he meandered off to bed “the food will be here at 1pm, make sure you’re up” as well as saying that the washing needed doing.

Buy that’s an aside. He’s an arsehole. Get better and get rid.

Threads like this make me sad. I refuse to believe men can’t think that at a time like this their partner needs the extra help and they should sympathise with them and help them however possible WITHOUT needing to be asked. They aren’t toddlers. Even children understand as much. I hate how the majority seem to be so selfish and so I refuse to believe it is not intentional. I have a very large family and the good ones seem to be very rare sadly. Amazingly nice when they need something though!

I am a man

Depending upon how bad my wife was (e.g. is she safe to be left alone), I'd take the kids to the park, shops, cafe, etc, so that she could sleep or potter in peace

funnily enough @ThisOldThang you didn’t need to mention you’re a man. That was so painfully obvious from your solution to a woman who needs food put away; school uniforms to be washed and a cup of tea and something to eat, being to fuck off out, sort your own snacks and leave her to “potter” 🙄🙄🙄

OP stop doing it. if he's asleep get him up? You shouldn't be lifting and carrying anything at all.

If the wash needs doing, tell him to do it.
being a martyr gets you nowhere and sends the message you don't need help as you can get on with it.

if push comes to shove can you go to your parents fora bit of r&r, there's no way i'd be getting out of bed after an OP.

please fight and advocate for yourself. you deserve better than this.

I'm guessing this cuntishness hasn't just sprung from nowhere, has it?

Hospitals always advise patients not to lift or do heavy housework and the anaesthetic will make you feel unwell for a while after an operation. He sounds awful, I'd be seriously reconsidering this relationship

If a grown adult needs prior instructions on how to care about their spouse they don't deserve a fucking spouse.

^ This with knobs on! Seriously WTF!

an ounce of empathy would make this request unnecessary. XY chromosome does does not inhibit chores.

Tell him to get his finger out, sort any housework left - don't you do any of it for at least a week - and do dinner, and thereafter ply you with snacks, drinks etc at need. Show him the recipe books and he can sort out a menu for the next fortnight. FFS, who does he think he is? Total prat.

Looking after somebody that's just had an operation is fucking obvious and the OP's partner is a selfish arsehole.

More generally, some people like to speak in code or just use moods to convey what they want. You can't expect somebody to read your mind, so clear communication is essential.

Well, you are NEVER EVER going to get TLC and consideration from this man.

NEVER.

First thing to do is realise that. Then decide what you want to do about it.

You must be dying to shag a man who you have to treat like a child.

What would have happened if you’d had to stay in hospital today ?

Sounds as though you are the default human to do everything.

What a colossal prick. I'm so sorry op ☹️
Do you have children with this prince?

It just tells you EVERYTHING, doesn't it? It's like, "Here's your own personal Marriage Mirror! Have a look!" You can't unsee a prick, can you? He's shown you exactly who he is and how much he thinks you're worth.
I'll never forget my mother explaining to me that our neighbour, lovely Mr. Silverman, was divorcing his wife of 30 years a few months after his bypass surgery because in sickness he'd learned who his wife really was: Unloving, uncaring. That stayed with me. Who they are in your sickness is who they are to the core. And I'd be following Mr. Silverman's lead on this one, OP.

I was in hospital. My artery tore while out on a walk. It caused a full blockage and I had a heart attack and collapsed on the street. Someone called an ambulance. I was blue lighted to A&E and met by the crash team as I went into cardiac arrest. Big stuff. Life changing. All of that. 6 months recovery. Anyway, my first night in cardiac ICU, my husband stayed home. Didn't come to see me. When he finally did, he came up to me and said, "I realise that I do love you after all." I was so sick and so unwell and so weak. But I remember putting a pin in that and thinking, "I'm not going to let that comment slide. When I get to the other side of this, I'll revisit it."

Four years later (and for many reasons, but the main one being that he is an absolute luxury size cunt) I am emancipated from that asshole.
I wish you, with all my heart, the same freedom, in time, and when you're ready, OP.

My stbexH may 'not have been taught but nor was I. I learned to do things (sometimes badly tbh) because I want to help those I love. My ExH is a selfish pig. He doesn't want* to. OPs husband doesn't care. He isn't stupid He just doesn't care. Hence getting drunk when he was supposed to be on parental duty, let alone look after OP.
I'm teaching both my kids (1 M, 1 Fm) to do better: easy- they're good people!

I had surgery recently, was recovering on a woman’s ward, several men rocked up to pick up/visit their partners, all booming voices, no consideration for anyone there. One of them had come to pick up his wife who had day surgery, on his motorbike. When she told him he should have come in the car, he had a full on strop and called her ungrateful and selfish. There’s a lot of shit men out there, and he wasn’t even the worst one I saw that day.

I’m sorry, you do need to rest. Operations take a toll on your whole body and mental health for days after the op and then you have the recovery of the bit of you that was operated on. Your dh is an absolute self centred, unloving horrible man, who is clearly never going to be there for you. If you can’t go and stay with family/friends, or get someone to stay with you, don’t leave your bedroom, order food and drink from Just Eat (just for you) and concentrate solely on recovery ( and your plan for leaving the dick)

💐for you OP. Rest, get well, get stronger and end this hideous relationship. Life is short. Get this subpar specimen out of your life. You will be SO much happier.

You deserve better.
What advice would you give to your DC if they had a partner like this?

OP this so so sad and he sounds utterly selfish. My DH completely pulls his weight anyway but I had a big op at the beginning of the year and he stepped right up. Cleaning, washing, cooking, putting food delivery away and absolutely everything. He totally looked after me even buying thoughtful gifts to make me feel a bit better.

I also told DH how long it was likely to be before I could get back to various tasks so it was all spelled out. Perhaps you need to be more blunt too telling him exactly what's needs doing and what you need to recover.

Plus, don't do any jobs. You are recovering from a major operation so you shouldn't be lifting and bending for a start. Also, obviously no cooking for anyone. Doing these things will delay your recovery and possible cause complications which would put you back in hospital so it's in his own interest to help you. 💐

Why are you being a martyr?

If you are doing all that he thinks a) you're capable b)you want to

He isnt a mind reader