All I wanted when I got home from hospital was to be looked after by my dh

Of course you can. But it will be low level sexism which should be challenged.

If a group of men were chatting and one made a low level sexist comment, would you want one of the other men to challenge it?

This is awful. If he won’t help you during your recovery then once you have recovered you need to either take steps to leave or match his energy when dealing with anything he needs especially if he is ever ill.

I'd be making plans to leave ASAP, OP.

He's shown you who he is and how little he cares for you.

Imagine you became ill long term ... he won't be there for you. He's showing you this now. So get rid.

This really should be the straw that breaks the camels back OP. It's bad enough living with a loud mouthed aggressive low life drunk. But when he can't even show you a bit of care when you need it...? Surely it's time to say enough is enough? Imagine not having to listen to him and be embarrassed by him and tidy up after him. At the moment you've got all the bad stuff about being in a relationship and none of the good.

if not this, what WILL be your last straw?

You know what you need to do, no make things happen in your life so that you can do it.

🥱

Oh you’re right. I misread your pointless me me me post 🤷‍♀️

still, no one cares what you would do if your wife had an op. This is about the OP and her hopeless DH and she quite clearly doesn’t need him to take the kids to the park, so i stand by my thought that it’s very male behaviour to come on a thread declaring a pointless “solution” believing it makes you look good.

Isn’t that depressing? You have to wear your pjs for a man to care.

On one hand I agree with you but ultimately she has to work with the shorty material she’s got.

he is sure as hell not going to do it off his own back….
but maybe he will do something if she expressly asks

It's quite sad how much victim blaming there is on here.
@Braindump09 , wishing you a speedy, smooth recovery. I am sorry you are not being supported like you should be.

Sounds like DH is unlikely to step up.

What ages are the DC? Can they be directed by you from a chair so that laundry gets done and food gets put away (in future)? Even littlies can do quite a lot when directed and supervised. Obviously, they should not have to be put in this position.

I'm so sorry, OP, has the camel's back broken with this final straw?
Hoping you are able to bounce up from this horrible low in the fullness of time.

Get well soon

Jesus that's terrible, Op. The body needs a huge amount of energy to heal itself in the days and weeks after a surgery. Honestly, I'd go to bed and rest.

Then let's not have these bastards at home.
Would be great. 😁

Unfortunately lots of us have similar experiences. Mine was after 3 days in labour then emergency CS. Was in hospital 4 days afterwards. DH visited twice as he wasn't feeling well. As he was driving me home I half jokingly said 'I hope you've got me flowers', he drove to the Co-op and left me in the car for 30 mins with a newborn then came out with a bunch of carnations. Got home, the place was a tip.
I should have realised what was to come. He was an ex by the time DD was 3.

I'm guessing he's like this a lot?

I never said “depending on how old the kids are”.

Stop making shit up to justify your bullshit.

This. I broke my arm a while back and DH was beside himself with worry and arranged with his boss to work from home while I got to a stage where I could look after myself. He helped me out of bed every morning while it was still agony, and helped me to dress myself when I struggled.

I would do the same for him, and indeed did when he did his back in and couldn't stand up unaided.

That's what partnership is all about.

I'm sorry your DH is such a twat OP. I hope you feel better soon and don't hurt yourself doing something you shouldn't.

Please seriously consider ditching this waste of space. I guarantee your house will be happier, tidier and cleaner without him in it.

Taking sole responsibility for the kids and providing some much needed peace and quiet is considered to be the considerate thing to do in our house

But that’s not what the OP needs is it? And you - by virtue of your stating “depending on how old the kids are” - were referencing what you’d do if you were the OPs DP. Which would be no bloody help to her whatsoever.

Which frankly, despite your NALMALT -ing is a typically male approach.

If he was in bed when the shop arrived, wake him and tell him it’s there.

if the school uniform needed washing, tell him so he can get it in the machine.

Stop doing these things and make it clear that he has to.

Focus on your recovery, when you are better ask yourself whether you want this future, see a solicitor, before you have another relationship think about your boundaries and make sure you maintain them.

Having a five year old and a two year old screaming and shouting downstairs makes it pretty much impossible to sleep upstairs. Taking sole responsibility for the kids and providing some much needed peace and quiet is considered to be the considerate thing to do in our house.

It's also nice of you to immediately jump into man hating / sexist stereotypes.

FYI - I always to the kids laundry on a Saturday morning. I also shop, cook and clean. Can you believe that? In 2024?

Yup, it's basic humanity. Doesn't say much for men that so many haven't ever experienced it from them.

I hope you got some sleep OP, you need serious rest after a GA. From personal experience, I felt worse 2 days after and it can take you 1-2 weeks to recover from the effects of GA, never mind any surgical recovery needed

Did you get any discharge advice from the hospital? If so then show it him

Stay in bed and write a list of what you need him to do ND GIVE IT HIM

Then write another list of steps to kick him out once you are well enough

How old are the DC, can they help with anything?

You need to get strong enough to make an appointment at the solicitor's and then make plans to leave him. He has shown that he doesn't give a stuff about your wellbeing. So sorry OP, what an arsehole.

MariaVT65 - it clearly depends where you are based but it does happen.

Yes, hes behaving badly. Were you surprised? I doubt it. Today have a bed day - you need to rest stop doing things the world won’t end.
Don’t make any long-term decisions wait till you’re stronger