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Horrible Fathers Day with DH

497 replies

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 21:01

Horrible Fathers Day morning with DH - honestly dreadful.

Last night DH and I had a fight, he had watched 4 hours of WWE on TV and I had left him alone to enjoy it. When it had finished I made a hot chocolate and went to sit on the couch. DH was taking up the whole settee with his legs on top of the couch, I asked him nicely to move his legs and he huffed that I was controlling how he sat. I just didn’t want his feet in my face. Things spiralled after he refused to move his legs and he called me “rotten”on the inside” a “vile woman” and a horrible person and I was ruining his night etc. All for asking him to move his legs! He said these things in front of DS (12)

I walked off and went to bed, I had to remove myself from the situation.

This morning I tried to act as normal possible. I wished him Happy Fathers Day. DS made him a cup of coffee (he barely looked at DS and told him he had just had one)

Got the cards and DS made a few jokey gift vouchers. DS2 had made a little present in school, his main hadn’t arrived in time, he also had a history magazine and a gift voucher.

DS went to give him the cards and he would barely look at him, saying shall we just not bother. He had a face like a slapped arse, it was dreadful. I told him to put aside whatever it was was going on and make an effort for the kids.

He started another fight and I’m ashamed to say that DS went to his room upset.

I had to convince DS to come back down and try again saying that Daddy was having a bad day.

We tried again but it was dreadful, so forced. I apologised that his main gift had not arrived, I admit that I said “please don’t shout at me” I apologised for saying that as it was probably passive aggressive and I said please don’t be upset.

DH looked at the little pile saying that there was barely anything there.

DS stormed upstairs again. I had to go to work.

I text DH to see if he would at least take the kids out to the park as the weather was lovely but he refused. I even sent him free McDonald’s vouchers so he could take him to a drive through but he refused to attempt to salvage the day.

DS stayed in his room all day, DS2 amused himself and DH played video games all day.

Its 9pm and the cards are still unopened 😔

If it wasn’t Fathers Day I swear I would have asked for a divorce today.

OP posts:
ClawedButler · 17/06/2024 11:34

Your first few posts made me tear up a bit, thinking of what this dreadful sh1t stain of a man was doing to your kids.

The last few have given me goosebumps - I am in awe of your courage and your strength, you're doing an incredibly hard thing but remember, even in the darkest times ahead, it will never be as painful as watching your son's heart break.

WineGumm · 17/06/2024 11:33

It’s all flooding back to me. All the vile things he has ever said or done.

He once threatened to pick up a spider and throw it in my face. (I am extremely phobic of spiders) A big one ran across the living room floor, I screamed for him to get rid of it.

He was gaming.

He said if I don’t stop screaming, he will pick up the spider and throw it in my face.

I should have left at that moment.

OP posts:
WineGumm · 17/06/2024 11:29

I am going to write a list of all the small steps I have to take to completely remove myself from him. I have emailed womens aid to request an appointment this morning.

OP posts:
WineGumm · 17/06/2024 11:28

Iamblossom · 17/06/2024 11:19

Gosh I don't know you but I feel extremely proud of you.

That’s really nice to say. Thank you.

OP posts:
WineGumm · 17/06/2024 11:27

Gettingbysomehow · 17/06/2024 11:18

Unfortunately men like this can be anyone. My violent and abusive ex husband was an aerospace engineer and everyone who knew him superficially thought he was great. He was a psycopath.
You have no choice but to get rid of him.
Don't do anything without talking to a solicitor and women's aid they will give you the best advice.
Don't hesitate to call the police every single time if he is abusive.
I've been there. The relief when you get rid of him will be huge.

Thank you. It’s reassuring that I’m not alone and I’m so sorry you went through a similar situation. I almost wish all those years ago that I had called the police when the violent threats began. He’s never been physically abusive, it’s all verbal, name calling, threats of violence, put downs etc.

OP posts:
BileBeansSara · 17/06/2024 11:26

The fact that he has immediately apologised means he is fully aware he is acting like an asshole and is choosing to do it.

He will try to persuade you to let him stay now OP. Keep that fantasy of getting him out of your life as your life goal and let the solicitor do their job.

Imagine next fathers day as being poles apart from this one and let that carry you through.

Iamblossom · 17/06/2024 11:19

Gosh I don't know you but I feel extremely proud of you.

BileBeansSara · 17/06/2024 11:18

Mayorq · 16/06/2024 21:14

I'll be honest, he sounds like a fucking cunt.

Nailed it.

Gettingbysomehow · 17/06/2024 11:18

WineGumm · 16/06/2024 21:25

I haven’t confided in anyone IRL yet. I wonder if anyone has any idea what he is like. He has a job of high standing and people would be shocked I think to learn what he is really like.

We have a council house (housing association) I don’t know what would happen as it’s in both of our names.

DH earns a decent wage, in part time on a low salary.

Unfortunately men like this can be anyone. My violent and abusive ex husband was an aerospace engineer and everyone who knew him superficially thought he was great. He was a psycopath.
You have no choice but to get rid of him.
Don't do anything without talking to a solicitor and women's aid they will give you the best advice.
Don't hesitate to call the police every single time if he is abusive.
I've been there. The relief when you get rid of him will be huge.

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 17/06/2024 11:17

WineGumm · 17/06/2024 10:36

Sounds ridiculous but last time what swayed me was how he was living the life of Riley up in his Mums, having all food cooked for him, a lovely comfy bed, no childcare when I was on my own doing it all. My mother pointed out how unfair it was and stupidity I had him back. So so stupid of me.

A - it wouldn't have lasted as his mum would get sick of him - but even if she didn't, so what?

B - having your own comfy, warm bed all to yourself is worth him living the life of Riley for sure!

C - you are teaching your children that when you disrespect another person, you will be the loser.

CustardySergeant · 17/06/2024 11:17

DustyMaiden · 17/06/2024 11:04

You are being unreasonable not to tell him you are divorcing him. Do yourself a favour.

She has told him exactly that!

oatmilk4breakfast · 17/06/2024 11:15

Wow, well done! Stay strong that’s a huge thing, you’ll hopefully feel loads better when he’s out of your life.

user1984778379202 · 17/06/2024 11:09

DustyMaiden · 17/06/2024 11:04

You are being unreasonable not to tell him you are divorcing him. Do yourself a favour.

Eh? She's told him the marriage is over. He knows.

Hecatoncheires · 17/06/2024 11:08

Good for you, @WineGumm - you clearly have way more strength inside you than you may have realised. I hope everything works out for you and your sons. You are giving them a wonderful gift of future contentment as a properly strong family unit. All the very best to you.

DustyMaiden · 17/06/2024 11:04

You are being unreasonable not to tell him you are divorcing him. Do yourself a favour.

Tontostitis · 17/06/2024 11:04

Your marriage is dead he's totally checked out and you should too. You will be so much happier than this alone I promise you.

familyissues12345 · 17/06/2024 10:59

Well done OP! Now to stand strong as he will no doubt lay the guilt trip on thick. You've got this!

HROSESATTERS · 17/06/2024 10:59

What an awful person... no excuse for this behaviour, even if he was having a rotten day

user1984778379202 · 17/06/2024 10:56

You absolute superstar @WineGumm! I think this is the best update of any thread I've ever read on MN. You've absolutely done the right thing for you and your boys. Hopefully your DH won't make things difficult during the divorce but if it gets tricky and you find yourself wavering, come back on MN for support. Everyone here has your back. Flowers

Tandora · 17/06/2024 10:53

You need to divorce this man, and society as a whole needs to get over the idea of “Father’s Day”. Clearly a holiday invented by the MRAs. How many fathers need or deserve it really 🙄

Cooper77 · 17/06/2024 10:53

He sounds like spoiled child. He watches WWE, plays video games, sulks and throws tantrums! Ugghh...repulsive.

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 17/06/2024 10:49

Good luck OP, you and your children deserve so much more than this vile man xx

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 17/06/2024 10:49

Well done, your sons will thank you x

Next bit is the hard part, stay strong. Keep reading this thread so he doesn't sway you xx

SwedeCarrotLimes · 17/06/2024 10:49

Well done OP for having the courage to get out of this toxic relationship.

It will be the best for everyone. I also hope it makes exH reflect and change his behavior, at least for the DC sakes, but somehow I doubt it.

Good luck.

RosieCockle · 17/06/2024 10:49

Really well done to you. I expect things will be a bit tough now, but totally worth it in the long run. So keep thinking about that xxx

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