To think that Dads who don’t care about Mother’s Day also don’t care about Father’s Day?

My husband grew up not celebrating mother's day or father's day. He's never fussed about father's day, he accepts the kids cards gracefully as they make them in school. For mother's day DH makes an effort because I do celebrate it. However I am low key, I never want a fuss and am happy with a homemade card and a cup of tea in bed. That's what I want and he goes along with it. There's never a gotcha or anything because we are extremely chilled about it. We appreciate each other without the need to go overboard and one up each other on it.

There are 363 other days in the year to care. No one is required to care on specific days more than others.

I agree. I don't care much about Mother's Day, well it's about me and my children, no one else. I liked the cards they made at nursery and school, handprints, 'I love my mum because...' type things. I didn’t care for presents until they were old enough to do it on their own initiative. So no expectations of a partner. I wouldn't like a fuss to be made or I'd have to do it for Father's Day and that would not come naturally at all.

I didn’t even know Father’s Day existed until recent years so we’ve never done anything. I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day and never have. It’s not a gotcha, neither of us care at all.

My parents didnt do mothers of fathers days but that was totally irrelevant to how much they cared for us children. Why would the two things be connected?

I agree with you.

I don't care about Mother's Day. I really don't - we didn't do it when I was growing up and now I'm equally as unbothered as my own mother. If we were in that situation and DH wanted to teach me a lesson about Father's Day by not doing anything on Mother's Day, I wouldn't notice.

Actually what happens is he does nothing on Mother's Day, because I tell him not to bother. And on Father's Day I do make sure to do something small from the DDs (4 & 2) as I know he places more importance on it that I do.
I've never seen why men who don't care about Father's Day don't want to do something on Mother's Day anyway, if it is important to their partner. I've never thought my lack of interest in Mother's Day had any bearing on DH liking to get a Father's Day card and token gift.

Any of the scenarios you mention are a sad environment for a child to grow up in- dad not caring, mum not caring, either doing a ‘haha gotcha’ on the other. There is no way that child doesn’t end up in an endless cycle of not caring and not being cared for back.

I couldn't give a monkey's about Father's Day but I did do Mother's Day for my Mum and made sure the DCs did something for my DW (i.e. I paid for their flowers and cards).