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Original poster

To think that Dads who don’t care about Mother’s Day also don’t care about Father’s Day?

59 replies

Bernadinetta · 16/06/2024 20:17

Around Mother’s Day there are always posts on here and other social media with complaints of dads being generally useless- either forgetting Mother’s Day or actively choosing not to do anything (“you’re not my mother”).

As it’s now Father’s Day I’ve seen a few posts telling mums to match their husband’s energy- give him a taste of his own medicine, if he got you nothing then make sure you get him nothing, see how he likes it. I’ve seen a skit on TikTok just now where the “dad” gets up on Father’s Day wondering where his gifts and fanfare are and the “mum” with faux surprise says oh, you’re not MY father, and the “dad” is all disappointed.

AIBU to think that Dads who haven’t bothered on Mother’s Day are not going to care at all if they don’t get anything for Father’s Day and it’s not at all the “gotcha!” some people seem to think it is? If they ever realise that it IS Father’s Day, they wouldn’t be fussed at all about receiving a card, a pair of socks, a mug.

OP posts:
DarkForces · 16/06/2024 23:30

I like to go out for a meal at lunchtime on Mother's Day in return I try to make a dh feel special on Father's Day as he really is a fantastic dad to dd. He's had a small present and card that I gave to dd to write and pass over, I've made him breakfast, his favourite dinner and he chose a long walk he fancied doing today and had a few beers. I know some people think that the child should make the effort but I like the opportunity to say thank you for what he does and vice versa. I'm sure when dd is older she'll take over, but for now I like to mark the day

RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 16/06/2024 23:25

Yeah, my husband isn't bothered about it really to be honest with you. He did get me some flowers and a box of maltesers and a card for Mother's Day, which was quite nice considering I'm not his mother!

Our adult daughter got me a big bunch of roses and took me out for lunch - just me and her - and she got me a bottle of brandy as well. So I was quite spoilt.

DH works different days/varying shifts, and was actually at work Saturday, and today, and is in tomorrow, (Monday.) And he didn't book Fathers Day off. He didn't get in till 3:00 PM today - he started work at 9am, and I gave him a Father's Day card, and a box of Celebrations. And our daughter popped in for half an hour to see him, and gave him some Guinness and a big Toblerone bar.

But quite honestly, it was just another day. He just wasn't really bothered about it. He likes to make a fuss with his own birthday - and mine and DD's - and he loves Christmas - but Fathers Day is just a bit of a non-entity to him.

He definitely makes more of a fuss of me on Mothers Day. I think he'd be slightly offended if I didn't get him anything at all - not even a card, coz he'd think I didn't care (when I do!) But he is not hugely bothered about Fathers Day.

Opinionwontchangeluv · 16/06/2024 23:16

If someone is a piece of ISH dad that deserve a casual day

MossyBottomFarm · 16/06/2024 23:16

Out of interest I looked it up as I always assumed Father’s Day was a made uo holiday to sell cards.

Mother’s Day (Of Mothering Sunday) seems to go back to 1907… and Father’s Day to 1508!

Lentilweaver · 16/06/2024 23:11

In my house we don't do either. Neither of us cares. It's not part of our family culture.

Codlingmoths · 16/06/2024 23:08

There is nothing equal about growing a baby and caring for them in their first few months so yes I wanted recognition from my Dh, and if he didn’t care about Father’s Day (he did, but in your hypothesis) he also hadn’t been in the trenches. He hadn’t been miserably unwell for months, lost lots of weight, then barely slept in months while managing anaemia. Why should recognition be equal?

SwordToFlamethrower · 16/06/2024 22:59

I love mother and father's day. We treat then like second birthdays, but with the difference of not singing happy birthday.

We do cards, sometimes presents, but rarely. Usually it is a nice meal, being treated to extra hugs, kisses and being the centre of attention. I made my dh a cake today and we had a tea party with our best China tea set. We went to the park and just sang his praises all day.

It wasn't about presents, but kind gestures and that is what I love about mother and father's day. Appreciating each other as parents. The children love the special day, we all benefit 😊

KnickerlessParsons · 16/06/2024 22:52

We don't celebrate either in this house. We know our kids love us and don't want them spending £££ on cards/flowers/gifts on one particular day created by Hallmark.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 16/06/2024 22:29

My Dh is into these days, I am not. I've asked him time and time again to stop fussing on mothers day, but he does and on fathers day he gets upset if we don't fuss over him. So yes I agree with you OP, either you care or you don't.

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 22:23

S0livagant
Ah sorry missed that! that’s really good, must get onto looking at using the kettle more with them, the 11yo was epic at the coffee (we have one of those coffee pot thingies you put on the cooker) and 9 yo did the toast and the timer for the egg ( I put in and took out)

S0livagant · 16/06/2024 21:51

Also if they have been taught. Mine were taught to only put necessary water in the kettle, so safer to pour, not to fill the mug as high as I would, how to safely use the toaster, under supervision many times before doing it alone.

S0livagant · 16/06/2024 21:47

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 21:40

S0livagant
depends on the age- my 9 and 11 yo wanted to make coffee, toast and a boiled egg-if I’d said well it’s up to you or you go do it we could have had an interesting scenario

That's why I said 'from about eight'. Some children could younger, others older.

theeyeofdoe · 16/06/2024 21:40

@Bernadinetta stop watching drivel.

WallaceinAnderland · 16/06/2024 21:40

DH didn't know it was FD today. He does remember MD though.

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 21:40

S0livagant
depends on the age- my 9 and 11 yo wanted to make coffee, toast and a boiled egg-if I’d said well it’s up to you or you go do it we could have had an interesting scenario

bridgetreilly · 16/06/2024 21:38

I think Father’s Day is absolute nonsense. I have never bothered with it and my dad doesn’t know or care when it is either. Mother’s Day, on the other hand, is a proper tradition which my mother does care about and I think is important to mark. Unless you happen to have a dad who does the majority of childcare, that seems fair to me.

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 16/06/2024 21:38

All events in this house are "for the children". I am not particularly bothered by birthdays, mother's day, father's day. But the giving of gifts and the opening of presents is a great treat for children. They love seeing us excited over getting a mug, or a hat, or a new washing up basin!!

We've just had a father's day party where the DC gave DH a flask (that he picked up for himself today!) It's not that big a deal, but kids do like to do something.

ARichtGoodDram · 16/06/2024 21:26

My ex has always been lazy with Mother’s Day and birthday, but expected to be treated on Father’s Day and on his birthday.

The ‘surprise’ of a PS5 for her birthday - he’s the gamer, not her -, after she’d bought him something he asked for for his, was the final straw for the mother of his youngest children (I have his eldest children).

i know a few women who had the same experience.

daisychain01 · 16/06/2024 21:20

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 20:47

Any of the scenarios you mention are a sad environment for a child to grow up in- dad not caring, mum not caring, either doing a ‘haha gotcha’ on the other. There is no way that child doesn’t end up in an endless cycle of not caring and not being cared for back.

.... and deliberately going out of their way to be as mean and petty as possible to pay them back for not getting them a Mother's Day card 2 months ago.

How small minded can you get.

DappledThings · 16/06/2024 21:18

I don't care about Mother's Day or Father's Day but I do facilitate something for FD. For both MD and FD it's never been about presents though, just about cards made at school and maybe some chocolate.

S0livagant · 16/06/2024 21:17

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 21:12

S0livagant
But because of the hype (wrongly in my opinion as today I know a couple who have lost their only daughter, and a young child who’s lost his dad in the last few years), the child knows the date and has been brought in on this being a day where they do something special. So the TikTok laughy people who leave their child to it are messing with their child as much as or perhaps even more than the dad so yes on this day it is important

The children will make a card at nursery or school. From about eight they could bring their parent coffee and toast in bed. They can draw a picture or pick some wildflowers on their own initiative. It doesn't require the other parent.

FuzzyStripes · 16/06/2024 21:17

Perhaps some of it comes down to the relationship they have with their parents which can influence their views on it. I also doubt anyone is bothered about receiving socks and a mug.

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 21:14

BarcardiWithGadaffia
But I don’t think op is talking about a family where everyone looked out for each other the rest of the year- sounds more like there’s animosity and one up man ship and in the end that comes back on the child

stayathomer · 16/06/2024 21:12

S0livagant
But because of the hype (wrongly in my opinion as today I know a couple who have lost their only daughter, and a young child who’s lost his dad in the last few years), the child knows the date and has been brought in on this being a day where they do something special. So the TikTok laughy people who leave their child to it are messing with their child as much as or perhaps even more than the dad so yes on this day it is important

Gymnopedie · 16/06/2024 21:01

Several of the posts around Mothers' Day, where no-one has done anything to mark it, also say that their DH/DP expects the full works on his birthday and Fathers' Day.