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AIBU?

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Father's Day unwanted gift

91 replies

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 19:06

Husband hinted for an expensive gift for Father's Day, new sunglasses that would cost anything from £100 upwards. I bought a few bits the kids picked for him, the usual dad bits and bobs, chocolate etc and printed a voucher for the glasses and said we will go shopping as I don't know what style you'd like and can put money towards them if you like a very expensive pair.

Straight away his face was tripping him and he said the voucher was worthless as I'd given him vouchers in the past that had not been redeemed - for a new cinema that opened but when we hire a babysitter it's been for nights out and we didn't fancy the cinema as wanted to have a meal and drinks instead or went out with friends. This was something we had discussed prior to going out and both agreed the cinema didn't feel worth it when we were paying a lot of money for a babysitter.

I wasn't happy with the comment and thought it was really rude and quite selfish. We don't have much money and I don't buy myself much, I recently spent my birthday voucher he got me on a gift for a friend as I couldn't afford to buy one otherwise. I don't have spare cash to replace the voucher.

Aibu to think this comment was out of order and to feel hurt by this?

OP posts:
fedupforever · 16/06/2024 21:37

lol there's no prescription in them. Just standard sunglass lenses!!

OP posts:
ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 21:33

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 21:20

Gave him 2 IOUs for this Father's Day and last years Father's Day yes but he's free to redeem them when he wants. We booked a babysitter and chose to go to a friends party instead of the cinema. Another time we went out for drinks and a game of pool. We don't go out often and it's generally him that chooses what we do. We pay for a babysitter so it's a dear night out and wanted to spend the money elsewhere.

Fwiw I buy him all his clothes, toiletries, anything he needs. He doesn't buy himself anything so I feel like he's maybe huffing coz he 'needs' new glasses and I've not produced them but the last few months have been tough and I was planning on getting a few token items for him.

I'm sure all families are the same but I just feel like every month I'm put a fortune spending it on others, clothes for the family (change of season, baby has outgrown last summers clothes) weddings, birthdays, family live far away so flights to go over to them several times recently, i look at my wages and just see all this money going out of it and I'm running about in gym leggings with holes in. I buy all their stuff in the next sale and only just paid off the last lot. Husband does well out of this and got lovely mango sunglasses last summer but has no idea of costs of clothing but expects me just to produce new clothes if we have somewhere to go

If his prescription changes that frequently then he needs cheaper sunglasses. If he's just a nobby poser then bin him

GoogleWhacking · 16/06/2024 21:33

@fedupforever do you know what the sad thing is, my son will never do something like that again. He will always approach father's day with trepidation now scared to fuck up. And do you k ow what, I hope he doesn't get him anything next year

Gabbsters · 16/06/2024 21:33

It's only today I've learned that people are given expensive presents for Father's Day- and worse, ask for them! He sounds like a big baby.

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 21:31

GoogleWhacking · 16/06/2024 21:27

My son spent 2 hours making something lovely for his Dad. His Dickhead Dad screamed in his face that he hated it and he's not 5 and should have bought him a present.

Thank fuck I divorced that twat. Solidarity OP

That's is awful. How hurtful!!

My son picked up the sarcastic comments about what a wonderful day husband has had today and cried asking why he didn't like his voucher as it was his idea when we couldn't find glasses (we decided together but think he was trying to take the heat for me which makes me even sadder) and my husband asked what I said to him to make him say that. Everything is my fault.

OP posts:
fedupforever · 16/06/2024 21:29

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 21:06

I recently spent my birthday voucher he got me on a gift for a friend as I couldn't afford to buy one otherwise. I'd be really annoyed by this OP. He didn't want to buy your friend a gift he bought you a gift. If you don't have money then don't buy your friends a gift. You're not in primary school.

Agree but it was a present from both of us. Special birthday. Agreed on item and cost and when it came to purchasing I hadn't enough to cover it all so spent the voucher to make sure I had money left in my bank the rest of the month. He didn't contribute.

OP posts:
GoogleWhacking · 16/06/2024 21:27

My son spent 2 hours making something lovely for his Dad. His Dickhead Dad screamed in his face that he hated it and he's not 5 and should have bought him a present.

Thank fuck I divorced that twat. Solidarity OP

Gakpo · 16/06/2024 21:20

Are you married to a child?

Father’s Day is card and token gift. DH got a box of chocs from Tesco and was perfectly happy.

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 21:20

Gave him 2 IOUs for this Father's Day and last years Father's Day yes but he's free to redeem them when he wants. We booked a babysitter and chose to go to a friends party instead of the cinema. Another time we went out for drinks and a game of pool. We don't go out often and it's generally him that chooses what we do. We pay for a babysitter so it's a dear night out and wanted to spend the money elsewhere.

Fwiw I buy him all his clothes, toiletries, anything he needs. He doesn't buy himself anything so I feel like he's maybe huffing coz he 'needs' new glasses and I've not produced them but the last few months have been tough and I was planning on getting a few token items for him.

I'm sure all families are the same but I just feel like every month I'm put a fortune spending it on others, clothes for the family (change of season, baby has outgrown last summers clothes) weddings, birthdays, family live far away so flights to go over to them several times recently, i look at my wages and just see all this money going out of it and I'm running about in gym leggings with holes in. I buy all their stuff in the next sale and only just paid off the last lot. Husband does well out of this and got lovely mango sunglasses last summer but has no idea of costs of clothing but expects me just to produce new clothes if we have somewhere to go

OP posts:
ChristmasCwtch · 16/06/2024 21:16

Socks and chocolate are standard Father’s Day fare here.

Sounds extravagant to expect anything other than a token gift, especially if money is tight!!

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 21:09

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 19:58

Childcare. We both have semi decent wages but childcare eats it up. It's also been a rough few months with loads of big family birthdays and weddings

The voucher was printed at home so no money has actually been spent on it yet. Same with the cinema one or it would have been used to save it expiring. I took the kids to look at glasses yesterday and couldn't see anything so we done a print at home for a shopping day for glasses. Think that's what has annoyed him as the previous one didn't come to fruition but only as we don't get out often and when we do pay a babysitter we use it wisely and often end up out for drinks!

He says there has been other vouchers like this but I think he's talking about ones for sexual favours I've bought years ago at Valentine's Day etc and he's probably tried to redeem one for a shag when I've been really not in the mood. Really don't think this is in the same league as an actual gift voucher for a present!

Oh! So you've been doing like IOUs? But never letting him redeem them? That is a bit shit

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 21:06

I recently spent my birthday voucher he got me on a gift for a friend as I couldn't afford to buy one otherwise. I'd be really annoyed by this OP. He didn't want to buy your friend a gift he bought you a gift. If you don't have money then don't buy your friends a gift. You're not in primary school.

SpringKitten · 16/06/2024 21:04

My kids got their dad a Toblerone! I think I need to up my game 🤣

yanbu he is being bratty

Notadoormat4 · 16/06/2024 21:02

Why on earth did you use what he gave you for a friend? If you haven't got money, then friends need to understand that they aren't getting gifts.

PassingStranger · 16/06/2024 21:01

Its awful all this mothers day, fathers day pressure, everyone has a irthday what's wrong with celebrating that it's your special day.
It's too much having to buy for every made up occasion.

Tell him to wait for his birthday.

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 20:57

Yeah I agree it is in poor taste, for Mother's Day I got a voucher for a massage, other bits and bobs that were appreciated but I didn't ask for anything. I never do. I tell them to make me a card and this year asked for the toy cupboard to get cleaned out instead of a gift 🙈

OP posts:
ABirdsEyeView · 16/06/2024 20:53

If he's a man who has everything and you are a woman who cannot afford to buy a friend a birthday gift, then something has gone very wrong!

I think it's time to tell him that you won't be buying expensive presents while your financial situation is so hard - token gifts only.

And I'd have a look at your financial arrangements and ensure he is paying his fair share of family expenses, proportionate to income. When it comes to spending, make sure you aren't taking in a greater share of costs while he prioritises getting what he wants first!

ManilowBarry · 16/06/2024 20:50

We don't celebrate this commercial clap trap. Every day is fathers/Mother's Day.

However if your family do celebrate it then don't you think it's extremely bad taste to have him ask for a specific gift, especially when your finances are poor?

What's wrong with a card made by the children and I've family meal at home?

BarcardiWithGadaffia · 16/06/2024 20:46

He sounds like a very unattractive big old baby, poor diddums hasn't got any expensive sunglasses

Liliee · 16/06/2024 20:44

The man's a prick and a man-baby.

This must be one of many issues with him.

Poor you, poor kids.

TusconTrain · 16/06/2024 20:43

You've been together for twenty years and share children yet he is the man who has everything and you have to spend your own voucher to be able to get a gift for a friend!? Meanwhile he demands £100+ gifts for father's day. Is he financially abusive, OP? Because what I've just summarised makes it sound like he is.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 16/06/2024 20:39

Father’s Day is just cards and token gifts. Dh got books, a record and a homemade cake and he said we’d done too much. We aren’t struggling financially, we just buy ourselves stuff when we want it so don’t need anything. Fwiw I’m the same with Mother’s Day. A card, token gift and possibly my choice of takeaway and I’m more than happy.

I think it’s appalling that you had to spend your voucher on a friend because you couldn’t afford a gift but this twat wants to blow £200 on sunnies. It was also knobber behaviour to act disappointed in front of the dc who just wanted to do something nice for him. Didn’t he get the memo that when you have kids, they come first and your trivial wants have to wait. He seems a very selfish man.

Ihatemyinlaws · 16/06/2024 20:36

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 19:58

Childcare. We both have semi decent wages but childcare eats it up. It's also been a rough few months with loads of big family birthdays and weddings

The voucher was printed at home so no money has actually been spent on it yet. Same with the cinema one or it would have been used to save it expiring. I took the kids to look at glasses yesterday and couldn't see anything so we done a print at home for a shopping day for glasses. Think that's what has annoyed him as the previous one didn't come to fruition but only as we don't get out often and when we do pay a babysitter we use it wisely and often end up out for drinks!

He says there has been other vouchers like this but I think he's talking about ones for sexual favours I've bought years ago at Valentine's Day etc and he's probably tried to redeem one for a shag when I've been really not in the mood. Really don't think this is in the same league as an actual gift voucher for a present!

Fair enough, child care costs is a killer I know. maybe stick to a box of Chocs next year , that will teach him!

fedupforever · 16/06/2024 20:34

OnTheRightSideOfGeography · 16/06/2024 20:09

Sorry if this is a dim question, but when you say you printed a voucher, do you mean you went to an online shop and paid to buy one of their vouchers and then downloaded and printed it; or do you mean that you knocked one up for him like an IOU that was from you i.e. "FedUp hereby promises to buy Mr FedUp the sunglasses of his choice up to the value of £100" ?

If it's the latter, I suppose those kinds of 'informal' vouchers don't always get redeemed - whether they get forgotten, or the giver changes their mind/is reluctant/is a bit hard up when the recipient wants to call in their gift, or the recipient feels awkward asking for it; but if it's the former, then if it doesn't get used, well, he only has himself to blame for not bothering to use it, doesn't he?

Printed myself and told him we would go on a shopping day to pick them. We've been together 20 years he isn't shy about asking for it to be redeemed but understand what you mean.

OP posts:
fedupforever · 16/06/2024 20:32

Createausername1970 · 16/06/2024 20:08

Blimey - £100 gifts for Fathers Day!? It's a made up day with little significance.

We have always encouraged DS to do a card on Mothers Day or Fathers day, just to show appreciation and he usually gets some sweets he knows we like. Jelly Babies are my favourite and DH is Wine Gums. So DH got a bag of Wine Gums and is very happy with them.

If DH is expecting £100+ to be spent, can I ask what he gets his Dad?

He no longer speaks to his dad and when he did he got him a bottle of wine and 6 beers......

OP posts: