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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this just banter or was I reasonable feel a bit belittled?

30 replies

LakeDee · 16/06/2024 18:21

I'm out of this relationship a little while, but my self-esteem was low at the end so I'm not sure if this is normal banter in a relationship? He ended it coldly, said some hurtful things.

During the relationship, I often felt inferior to him, eg he'd quiz me on things he knew more about - poetry, music, for example, "who sang this song, who's this poet? Surely you know this one?" This was sometimes in front of others, once almost made me cry, but I'm not sure if I was being a bit sensitive. He never complimented my cooking, but praised his own no end; said my bed and bathroom was too small (we didn't live together) . These are just a few examples, but he had a good side too.

He fell out with a work colleague once and the colleague called my ex arrogant - this makes me think maybe I'm not being unreasonable, but looking back on the relationship, I now wonder why I stayed in it and why I didn't end it, not him.

AIBU - I'm too sensitive?
AINBU - Anyone would find this a bit belittling?

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 16/06/2024 19:01

He was doing it deliberately! It's great that you are rid of him and know to avoid people like that in the future.

Piffle11 · 16/06/2024 18:49

No it’s not banter. He was going out of his way to belittle and humiliate you. Asking you questions when he knew you wouldn’t know the answer. He sound like an arrogant, insufferable prick. You’re well rid.

yourlittleworldfallingapart · 16/06/2024 18:30

He sounds dreadful. Congratulations on being free of him!

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 16/06/2024 18:29

So he was trying to put you down in front of others (don't you know this poet?) by making himself look more knowledgeable? How old was he, 14?
No, adults don't do that to their friends or partners. The only thing wrong here is that you didn't roll yours eyes and tell him to grow up. You're out of it now - be grateful he's not around to bring you down! Deep breath, big smile, and get on with your life xx

IsabelleHuppert · 16/06/2024 18:23

The question is why did you stay in a relationship with this bore?