Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Things you miss from before having kids

117 replies

Smellslikechikenoutthere · 16/06/2024 17:23

Very very happy to be a mum, like my life now in a different way and wouldn’t change it..,BUT…occasionally crave the things in my old life and hope to one day do them again

1). Lying in and sleeping properly
2). Coming downstairs only me and Ddog , to quiet, whatever I want on the tv/radio and only having to think about making myself a coffee
3). Drinking wine in the sun on my balcony, reading a book or listening to music..spending hours relaxing there until sunset and the stars come out..then crashing on my bed in a lovely drunken haze (barely drink these days as feel awful afterwards)
4). Doing what I want and when I want to
5). Spending rainy weekends lay on a sofa watching films all day and trashy tv
6). Making only food for myself and not having to cook full, heathy meals
7). Going to festivals and concerts and weekends away
8). Spending money on myself on perfume, bags, books..just whatever I fancy
9). Lying on a sun lounger on the beach, reading magazines, listening to music and drinking cocktails
10). Having proper time and conversations again with Dh

What would yours be?

Will I ever get these back?? Or will I be too old and a different person by then 🙈

OP posts:
Hwx · 16/06/2024 20:09

Staying up/out late whenever because I can just decide to sleep in the next day.

Rainy indoor weekends actually being relaxing. I try with the crafts and baking but my daughter wants to turn everything into over the top silliness at the moment.

Travelling being easy. Especially the waiting around bits.

menopausalmare · 16/06/2024 20:03

Smoking.

CatrionaBalfour · 16/06/2024 20:02

Nothing. Nothing at all.
I really wanted children, and struggling to have them put me into a trough of despair. I feel so lucky and so privileged to be a mum. There's nothing like it in the world.
Forgive me because I know this is light hearted, but I just had to say ❤️

Satanzlilhelpa · 16/06/2024 20:00

Late at night? I don't understand...

MammaTo · 16/06/2024 19:57

I feel like you’ve literally hit the nail on the head. I’ve never been an active person but having a toddler has made me be on the go constantly.

We're very lucky in terms of childcare so we can have nights out but half the time I’m clock watching because I know I’ll have to deal with an 18 month old and a hangover the following day.

Musical festivals is also a big one that has crept up on me this year - seeing everyone doing their Glasto prep is making me so jealous! I know you can take the kids but it would be a whole different experience.

BackToWhereItAllBegan · 16/06/2024 19:39

You will get it all back and you'll appreciate it all the more for having missed out on those things for a few years. Some of these things become even more fun because you can enjoy them with your grown up children!

Pippippip2024 · 16/06/2024 19:35

Actually I also really miss by toned stomach, mines a jiggly mess now

Pippippip2024 · 16/06/2024 19:33

I miss being able to clean up and organise without interruption, eating without interruption and lie ins and relaxing evenings. Most other things are fine 😅

wouldn’t change anything though, my children bring a unique joy and satisfaction to my life that wasn’t there before.

spicysamosahotcupoftea · 16/06/2024 19:33

The biggest things for me would be:

  1. sleep
  2. only being responsible for myself
  3. doing what I want, when I want
  4. having much more free time
  5. much less worry
  6. being spontaneous / planning less
  7. having more money!
WormBum · 16/06/2024 19:30

My sanity and robust mental health. I fear they are gone forever.

Icanttakethisanymore · 16/06/2024 19:29

I miss walking home from work with my DP (when we used to live in London because we didn’t need a bloody 4-bed house and a garden aka 2 million quid) and stoping at a pub, having a pint, walking on, a meal out, another drink… a spontaneous but totally unremarkable evening in the life of a couple with money and no children. I miss being well rested, in control, sexual.

blossoms4cherry · 16/06/2024 19:29

I miss me

Icanttakethisanymore · 16/06/2024 19:23

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 16/06/2024 18:24

Oh God, a lot. I adore my kids but parenting well is hard. The mess, drudgery and endless meal making is absolutely soul destroying tbh. Today I put on a new cream coloured cardigan, lifted DS from his high chair and he instantly smeared a fistful of broccoli down my front. I honestly could’ve cried.

I mainly miss:

Being a sexual person. Everyone just sees me as a ‘mummy’ now. I miss dating, before DP, and the thrill of being pursued by a man. I used to live in an exciting city and spent quite a few summers dating, I miss the feeling of getting ready on a warm night and the smell of perfume knowing I was off to meet somebody and wondering how it would go.

Like you, eating what I want when I want. I want to wake up and drink coffee at a leisurely pace, simply boil some fancy tortellini for lunch, skip a meal if I can’t be bothered, have the freedom to make dinner at 9pm if that’s what suits my plans. By the time I’ve sorted the kids I rarely bother with myself or just have a banana and a digestive biscuit. Food is no longer fun and I seem to spend about 4 hours a day making it and cleaning up the endless mess, smears, crumbs and stained clothes.

Having a tidy house. This one really gets to me tbh. I’m sick of people telling me to ‘lower my standards’. To what? Dirty plates? Wearing smelly clothes? Crumbs and sticky floors? What am I supposed to be leaving exactly? Mouldy food in the fridge? The mess is endless, it seems utterly impossible to have small children and not have a house you feel frankly embarrassed of. I clean constantly but it’s never enough. Just one meal and it’s all a mess again. I hate it.

Not having to hear my own voice ALL DAY saying the same old shit. ‘Leave your sister/brother alone’ ‘put that down’ ‘be quiet the baby is sleeping’ ‘for the millionth time, no’ ‘you’ve just had a snack’ on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Tbh I’m finding it very hard at the moment

I hear ya

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 16/06/2024 19:20

Travelling - I have a 2 year old and it’s just not fun… I can’t spend days wandering then eat in any restaurant. Everything has to planned and planned around naps and sleep and what will stop the whinging!!

The prospect of moving to another city, town etc I feel trapped as I’m in a good school area with family around so can’t move out rural with chickens just for fun

Doing nothing and having nothing planned sounds blissful

PiggieWig · 16/06/2024 19:18

Having money

MadameMassiveSalad · 16/06/2024 19:17

Oh and tidying up my house & it staying tidy for more than 10 mins!

MadameMassiveSalad · 16/06/2024 19:16

Small boobs. Waist.
Holidays out of term time to far flung places. For a long time.

theowlwhisperer · 16/06/2024 19:14

sleep

my abs

not having to put other people first for ever 😂

stickygotstuck · 16/06/2024 19:11

Headspace.

Despair1 · 16/06/2024 19:09

You've summed up the changes associated with new parenthood wonderfully OP. Yes, you will be able to retrieve many of the things on your list but in my experience, the role of parenting never leaves you. It makes a huge difference if you have family nearby to support you. Take care !

YellowHairband · 16/06/2024 19:07

Smellslikechikenoutthere · 16/06/2024 19:00

@YellowHairband How amazing, how was it? Was it as good as you thought or did you not know what to do with yourself and missed them 😅

Well I have an exam on Tuesday which was the reason for the weekend to myself. I was mainly getting in some last minute studying so didn't end up not knowing what to do. But it was lovely to wake up naturally, and just go through the day on my own schedule, not anyone else's. Obviously the revising wasn't fun, but just not having to consider anyone else was nice.

Smellslikechikenoutthere · 16/06/2024 19:00

@YellowHairband How amazing, how was it? Was it as good as you thought or did you not know what to do with yourself and missed them 😅

OP posts:
YellowHairband · 16/06/2024 18:52

I had the house to myself from Friday evening to this afternoon as DH had taken DD1 (4) and DD2 (2) away.

What I noticed was how lovely and long the two evenings were. Make myself a relaxed dinner and then it's hours before bed, knowing I won't be woken up. Now they're back it's a busy bedtime, and an earlier night in anticipation of an early wake up.

Smellslikechikenoutthere · 16/06/2024 18:49

@Satanzlilhelpa Late at night?

OP posts:
Itsdefinitelytimeforanamechange · 16/06/2024 18:48

My youngest is 4, and definitely feel we can get a few of these back soon. No lie-ins but I usually wake up early and come down by myself to enjoy a coffee in peace. No buggies, high chairs, nappies or nap times though!
And the really really crazy thing, she’s going to school in September and after years of SAHM’ing and barely having a minute to myself, I’m just about to get my life back and I’m seriously considering a 3rd! Totally bonkers really but I don’t feel ready for this life stage to end

Swipe left for the next trending thread