Things you miss from before having kids

Spending quality time with DH :(

Yes yes yes. I've said this a lot. I had no idea parenting would be such a physical job. For the first 4 years I literally became underweight from lack of sleep and lack of rest time.

I feel like people talk about the mental aspect of motherhood, and the sleep, but rarely the physical side and it IS physical. Your body doesn’t get a chance to recover from anything - pregnancy, the birth, sleepless nights, illnesses, any injuries - it’s just go go go, up at 6am no matter what, you never rest and recover and the strain all piles up. Lugging car seats around, lifting them, carrying them, pushing prams, playing on the floor, cleaning/cooking. There’s no such thing as rest, not really, and I’ve found it rough - my body aches a lot and I feel older.

My DS is 16 and I can do most of those things now, only thing I can't really do yet is spontaneous holidays, I probably wouldn't leave him for a whole week on his own yet.

Some space from my DDs. I’m a single parent, with no family nearby who also home educates. I do take myself off for walks and to the local town for a day - they’re teens now and can fend for themselves for a while - but I look forward to a weekend away and having the chance to miss them. I miss skipping meals because I’m not hungry … I always have to cook family meals and sometimes I’d be just as happy with a sandwich. Dropping my laundry off for. Service wash … it’s just too big a pile now 😂 The general lack of responsibility for anyone but myself. Peaceful, restful holidays that don’t involve Disney, Lapland, Le Petit Chef or anything else ‘as seen on TikTok’.

Enjoying dinner.

Dinner is the worst with kids.

Oh- and seeing a good deal on flights or any holiday and just booking it.

Simple as applying for leave from work and throwing a few of my own clothes in a suitcase.

Now travel is an arduous list of chores and planning and limitations.

My little one is now in year 2 at Uni, and yes, I can and do do all of the things on your list OP. I relish them and am grateful for the time.

DH and I go on lots of spontaneous weekends in our campervan. It’s currently 11.04 am on Sunday and I’m in bed drinking tea and ‘reading the news’

i loved bringing my children up, but this bit is good too x

I miss being able to rest and take care of myself when I get sick.

I've had a wretched cold this week. My youngest has it as well. So I'm not only sick, I'm up all night and day breastfeeding and trying to settle a sick baby as well.

My husband had the cold first, he spent three days in bed watching TV.

My 2 are now 19 & 21 year olds.
I have my time back and my freedom back but i do remember the days when i didnt.
Im still young not 40 yet for a few year.
I love the peace and quiet I can do what i want when i want now and sleep in have a nap go out when i want.
Go on mini breaks or holidays without a care in the world.
No more school dramas no school runs.
Its just endless what you can do when they grow up.
Im also single that makes it even better.
You will all get your time back.

Being on my own.

Just my old body

My kids are in their 30s and obviously I am supposed to be able to do all this - and can in a way, however, for me you never get total carefree freedom back - just in case something happens- tbf though that is the case for anyone with any Family, just all my family that needed me for a large part was my kids, and is again, so with no kids that would be different. And maybe teen/20s sense of freedom just can’t be recaptured as responsible behaviour seems more necessary- sigh!
Re freedom - With instant communication I’ve found if I don’t answer texts/whatsapp group to my kids they start wondering then worrying where I am - that grates at times having to answer - or worry them (no I’m not 99!)
I look loads older but feel not much older but I’m less fussed about many nights out/festival type stuff and more keen on solo space - I do get these in abundance and it’s just general age I think changed my ideas of good times for me!
Early in childhood it seems like forever you’ll not be sleeping, having to bath/feed/monitor - I remember looking at all mine - 4 under 7 and a nasty split with dad - wondering how I’d cope forever bathing and feeding 4 humans - But I did, with some added fun too, and things change so quickly such as them getting to nursery, school, going to friends, going out, sitting in their rooms - nothing is static and each stage brings some joy as well as some frustrations - I guess that applies to life in general with or without kids though.
Enjoy (most of) the ride!

Oh and being able to take my time to shower, do my hair nicely and get ready in my own time in the morning!

My children are 6 and almost 4 (and I'm 32 weeks pregnant with #3). They're currently playing quietly with toys in the background while I have a cup of tea and a quick scroll of Mumsnet. Obviously not totally ignoring them but I think it's good for children to be left to play by themselves sometimes. Also a great believer that half an hour of TV here or there, or a film at the end of a busy afternoon, will do no harm. A lot of parenting is what you make it.

I do miss waking up when I want to, although this is less bad nowadays and we're rarely up before 6:30 - and I am definitely dreading going back to the baby sleeping patterns. I also miss just being able to go out for dinner or drinks with my husband whenever we want to, and going on 'adult' holidays with proper sightseeing and exploring abroad. But I know those things will come back.

We're quite strict on bedtimes/adult time in the evening and I think that helps.

No you'll get all of that back, OP.

I remember feeling this way but before you know it they're grown up and you can go back to doing all of these things...gets boring though!

So much so, we have decided to start again 😆👶

General freedom!

I watched a vid of myself skydiving whilst I was travelling 15 or so years ago. I miss that. I used to go away every 6w at one point, now I haven't been abroad once in 4 years.

I miss not worrying. I'm exhausted with worrying. And fighting for support.

We have SEN dc - sometimes I feel guilty with the thought that If I went back in time I would think long and hard about the decision to have dc and most likely I wouldn't choose this path. I remember nievely discussing the possibility of having children with disabilities with DH and we both looked at life with disabilities in this rose tinted view. I have no friends, no social life, never been abroad, days out are stressful, life isn't what we pictured. And I'm skint, so very very poor. In all senses of the word. I love my children but the life I lead is not one I would choose for anyone.

I miss being carefree.

The constant niggling anxiety at the back of my mind is difficult. Have they eaten enough? Are they safe? Where do they need to be at this hour of the day?

Does it get any easier?

When they get older you get do more fun things with them by choice. For example sometimes doing anything with a 2 year old whinging and doing a runner is a nightmare but having a 16 year old and doing a shopping day, meal and the cinema is like going out with a friend. You can chat and have a giggle.

Probably most of those and now my youngest is 16 I can finally have most of those things again and I’m very happy about that!

I identify with most of these, but my god I miss easy, spontaneous, open-ended socialising.

Now the weather is good, pre kids id often be down at the pub after work - colleagues, friends. You’d stay all night sometimes.

Now that takes organisation. Finding a friend available also takes organisation.

Friendships in general are quite difficult as a parent I find. Everyone is so busy with their own lives.

It can be a bit lonely really. I haven’t made new ‘mum friends’ as I thought as everyone is in the same boat of being exhausted and busy with work and kids.

It gets easier once they’re all a bit older if your still on baby stage with one of them it’s tough and a big adjustment juggling them especially if the older kids are loud while baby is trying to sleep and you just want 5 minutes to yourself

I feel the same it’s like you lose yourself