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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
Carbrer · 16/06/2024 20:23

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:19

@Carbrer not really... I do not understand the point of the OP's original post...

They went to look at sex workers because it had been recommended by friends?

Look at what? And now she's upset about some banter her partner has had with a friend which she only knew about because she didn't trust her partner and went through his phone!

Ah I thought you were pulling OP up on her grammar, but misspelled it. 🫣

I don't see the issue with visiting the red light district, I did too with an ex, as have a few friends, as it's one of the most famous parts of Amsterdam. We weren't interested in visiting any sex workers, just walked through the area.
The trust part is a little dicey, but too much unacceptable behaviour gets dismissed as banter, I wouldn't accept it if it had been my partner either.

cheddercherry · 16/06/2024 20:23

Well, it’s not banter it’s him saying quite plainly that whenever you aren’t around he’s got a “green light” to cheat on you, right? Doesn’t matter if he’s in Amsterdam or not basically you now know if he sees a “fit bird” and you aren’t there he thinks that’s fair game, an he’s even grim enough to pay for it too.

But you probably didn’t need this thread to tell you that he’s not a catch.

Meetingofminds · 16/06/2024 20:22

I meet some men and wonder who on gods earth lives with this specimen when I find out they are married, and they start every sentence with love. Now I know. A match made in heaven/hell.

Catlord · 16/06/2024 20:22

Depending on how he is generally, I wonder whether he could he have been bringing your name into the conversation quite swiftly to balance having a joke with his pal and shutting down the topic by reminding him 'I'm a married man, my wife is my priority with, sex tourism isn't on my itinerary'?

Don't get me wrong, I would not have liked to see that from my DP and feel strongly about the sex trade etc. But in isolation I wouldn't have taken it to mean he'd ever wish to pay for sex.

ActivePeony · 16/06/2024 20:21

UnbelievableLie · 16/06/2024 20:19

So many posters defending "lad banter" clearly explains the amount of women on here starting threads about their shitty partners. Raise your bars and address your internalised misogyny 🙄

👏

willWillSmithsmith · 16/06/2024 20:21

I’d be annoyed he used the word ‘birds’. I haven’t heard that since circa 1978.

UnbelievableLie · 16/06/2024 20:19

So many posters defending "lad banter" clearly explains the amount of women on here starting threads about their shitty partners. Raise your bars and address your internalised misogyny 🙄

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:19

@Carbrer not really... I do not understand the point of the OP's original post...

They went to look at sex workers because it had been recommended by friends?

Look at what? And now she's upset about some banter her partner has had with a friend which she only knew about because she didn't trust her partner and went through his phone!

ActivePeony · 16/06/2024 20:19

HellonHeels · 16/06/2024 16:33

He and his friend are both sleazy, unpleasant specimens. I'd be grossed out by that conversation.

Me too.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:15

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh nooo

OP posts:
Carbrer · 16/06/2024 20:15

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:13

#grammer

Awkward!

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:13

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:10

@beckybarefoot if you are really that interested then I went to see it because a few of my friends who have been recommended it. I hope that’s good enough for you🙂 I didn’t start this thread with the intention of getting particular answers as I’ve already stated and if people are going to get arsey then I will get arsey back

I wish you and your bad grammar well xx

#grammer

Carbrer · 16/06/2024 20:13

Whistledown1004 · 16/06/2024 19:37

And this is why male misogyny exists because it gets dismissed as "lads will be lads" "lad banter". If we just go along with the "joke" we are just as bad.

No! It needs to be called out its not ok. 1. For taking about sex workers as if a piece of meat 2. Talking so disrespectfully about your partner and that you would openly cheat with a sex worker.

No funny

Yes, some of the bars on this thread are so low they're on the floor!

Shootingstars999 · 16/06/2024 20:13

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:10

@beckybarefoot if you are really that interested then I went to see it because a few of my friends who have been recommended it. I hope that’s good enough for you🙂 I didn’t start this thread with the intention of getting particular answers as I’ve already stated and if people are going to get arsey then I will get arsey back

I wish you and your bad grammar well xx

Well said.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 20:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:10

@beckybarefoot if you are really that interested then I went to see it because a few of my friends who have been recommended it. I hope that’s good enough for you🙂 I didn’t start this thread with the intention of getting particular answers as I’ve already stated and if people are going to get arsey then I will get arsey back

I wish you and your bad grammar well xx

OP posts:
beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 20:08

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 19:53

@beckybarefoot yes you are

You are showing your true colours now... you are not getting the answers and support you were hoping for... I see you don't answer any questions about why you were both in the red light district... you wanted everyone to support you and not everyone is.. your replies are now telling a bigger story x I wish you and you're insecurities well

Stripeysocks1981 · 16/06/2024 20:06

Why are you making up mad excuses for looking through his phone?
You’re paranoid, and you snooped through his phone. Didn’t like what you saw. Boohoo. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It’s lads banter. Ignore it, if you bring it up he will know you snoop through his phone whenever the opportunity arises.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:04

@Choochoo21 I am not bothered that he went and I wouldn’t have been bothered if he went if he were there with friends. I’m also not bothered he called them “fit” Its the fact he basically said if he wasn’t there with me he’d have cheated. What’s so difficult to understand

OP posts:
Choochoo21 · 16/06/2024 20:01

I would seriously consider ending my relationship is my partner went through my phone and read my messages.
Its very controlling behaviour.

You went to the red light district and so you can’t be shocked that he/his friend is going to make a joke out of it.

What was the conversation as you were walking around?
Were you discussing the architecture of the buildings or perhaps the amount of litter on the streets?

I doubt you were having the same conversations as you would have been if it wasn’t a street full of prostitutes so you can’t really take the moral high ground here.

ChicDreamer · 16/06/2024 20:01

vanillaclouds · 16/06/2024 17:22

It's the women that think they're being cool, chilled and I'm ok with my husband doing blah blah that get treated so appallingly by their men.
They might take the piss out of woman who won't tolerate certain behaviour and have boundaries but there's a saying that people treat you how you allow them to.

This ^^ Absolutely.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 19:59

@SweetFemaleAttitude 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 shut up

OP posts:
ProfessionalPirate · 16/06/2024 19:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

It might be in your circles, but it really isn’t in mine.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 16/06/2024 19:56

I find it hard to believe that a woman would go and have a look at other women who are being exploited, as a fun past time.

You're both as disgusting as each other.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 19:53

@beckybarefoot yes you are

OP posts: