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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
Travis1 · 16/06/2024 22:33

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:03

@Travis1 who said the problem was him looking? Take your own advice

I can’t believe you’re more wound up by a joke than him actually being there but you went with him. You know the kind of man he is. Wonder if he knows you’re a creepy, privacy invader though

Stripeysocks1981 · 16/06/2024 22:33

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:28

@Stripeysocks1981 Are you not seeing his constant bad attempts at trying to take the piss? Are you still going on about me going through his phone. Nobody’s arsed. Have a good night x

I’m sure he will be if you tell him.
Really not healthy in a relationship. But you do you x

SeatonCarew · 16/06/2024 22:31

Tandora · 16/06/2024 16:40

your partner is disgusting.

WTF is with all the women on this thread saying it’s a joke?! So it’s ok to joke about buying women as if they were a piece of steak in the supermarket. This is fucking rank, violent misogyny.

Having said that you were wrong to look on his phone.

Why do you assume they're women? You really shouldn't.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:28

@Stripeysocks1981 Are you not seeing his constant bad attempts at trying to take the piss? Are you still going on about me going through his phone. Nobody’s arsed. Have a good night x

OP posts:
BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 16/06/2024 22:25

Banter. Not worth an argument over. Hope you’re ok.

Stripeysocks1981 · 16/06/2024 22:25

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:23

@MushroomStamp Are you honestly not bored now? Nobody finds you funny, you’re actually a bit cringe

Oh grow up. Why have you some here asking for opinions? You clearly only wanted validation. I’ll tell you what’s cringe; going through your husbands phone behind his back. Good luck to you both.

VictoriaEra2 · 16/06/2024 22:24

yellowsmileyface · 16/06/2024 16:36

YANBU. Evidently he was "joking", but it would gross me out for a guy to "joke" about using women as a commodity. It indicates a general lack of respect for women.

Yes. Agree entirely. All those posters claiming you shouldn’t have looked are missing this point.

Whatsmyusername94 · 16/06/2024 22:23

He’s gross

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:23

@MushroomStamp Are you honestly not bored now? Nobody finds you funny, you’re actually a bit cringe

OP posts:
MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 22:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

LifeExperience · 16/06/2024 22:20

He's joking about paying for sex with women who were likely trafficked, and many women here are excusing it. Unbelievable! Men act like this because women let them get away with it.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 16/06/2024 22:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Um football, cricket, music… if all they have to talk about is ‘fit birds’ and joking about using prostitutes then I’d bin them off. I can quite honestly say that my DH wouldn’t joke about that. I’d feel sick if he did.

brunettemic · 16/06/2024 22:13

Immature lads banter.
More to the point, what did he say when you told him you read his messages? It’s a dangerous route to go down.

VisitationRights · 16/06/2024 22:11

He doesn’t respect you or your relationship. Either he would cheat, given the chance, or he wants his mates to think he would. Not really a catch either way.

Delphiniumandlupins · 16/06/2024 22:05

I don't think his comment to his friend means that if he had been in Amsterdam without you he would have had sex with another woman. Presumably he is not in your company 24/7 and, up to now, you haven't assumed he is being unfaithful. His comment does mean that he's a sleazy misogynist who speaks disrespectfully about women (including you?) to his friends.

Newposter180 · 16/06/2024 22:05

Couldn’t disagree more that “this is how men talk to each other”. I don’t know what kind of neanderthals you’d have to be accustomed to to say that, but men are perfectly capable of being emotionally literate, intelligent and interesting.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/06/2024 22:04

I am a woman. A very happy woman with a very longstanding good relationship and very well adjusted adult children. And no I am not misogynistic. I just have a different opinion to you. But then I am not rude like you either.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:03

@Travis1 who said the problem was him looking? Take your own advice

OP posts:
Travis1 · 16/06/2024 22:02

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:39

is no one going to point out that the OP went to the RED LIGHT DISTRICT with her partner. i assume she wasn't forced, she went to look at the sex workers along with her partner.

so its ok for her to go and look, but its not ok for him?

Shout it louder for the hard of hearing

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 22:02

@Howbizarre22 ...

I know he won't and I trust he won't.

You must realise by now, you won't change my mind! You can call me naive all you like.. you don't know me and you don't know my husband..

I'm sorry you have been hurt and you've lost that trust in men. Maybe you need to talk to someone about it, it must be exhausting carrying this anger around all day long x

Howbizarre22 · 16/06/2024 22:01

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/06/2024 21:58

Failed attempt to make women look bad. Prick. Fuck off mumsnet this is a site for WOMEN

I have been on this site for years and I am a woman so fuck off yourself

I recognise your username you are either a man or an incredibly misogynistic woman.

Howbizarre22 · 16/06/2024 22:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Yet you know it’s vastly used by women. Do your mates know you frequent MUMSNET? Or do they park you on the back for infiltrating it and antagonising the women on one of the only mainly female spaces on the web for support?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/06/2024 22:00

@Icantpaint

I laughed

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/06/2024 21:58

Failed attempt to make women look bad. Prick. Fuck off mumsnet this is a site for WOMEN

I have been on this site for years and I am a woman so fuck off yourself

Superfoodie123 · 16/06/2024 21:58

Ew. So many women on this thread have such low standards