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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
Cappuccino17 · 17/06/2024 04:24

It's upsetting for us ladies but yes it is meaningless 'lads banter' i would leave it and crack on.

Superstar88 · 17/06/2024 04:08

Sorry but red district is about women selling bodies, same way as dancers, or any performers really. Also do you think most people go to red district to what feel sorry for women? As long as women not forced and have a choice.

TMess · 17/06/2024 03:49

Newposter180 · 16/06/2024 22:05

Couldn’t disagree more that “this is how men talk to each other”. I don’t know what kind of neanderthals you’d have to be accustomed to to say that, but men are perfectly capable of being emotionally literate, intelligent and interesting.

Couldn’t agree more. Imagine thinking this is the type of thing men “just do”. 🤮

theGooHasGone · 17/06/2024 03:20

It was a joke with his mates that you weren't supposed to read. You read it and didn't like it. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to, and especially don't go snooping through other people's stuff.

Floorbard · 17/06/2024 03:13

Unfortunately your post seems to have attracted a bunch of loser MRAs and silly pickme types, op. Of course the texts you saw were out of order, to excuse them as ‘lads banter’ is pathetic and at this point, fucking boring.

DreamTheMoors · 17/06/2024 03:09

This reply has been deleted

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If they did, would you call them fag**ts?
Or worse?

oakleaffy · 17/06/2024 02:06

tamade · 17/06/2024 01:32

But OP going to gawp isn't taking amusement from women selling their bodies? I think they both deserve each other. Gross

OP didn't go to Amsterdam to gawp at sex workers.

on my first night there {I went alone as a young person} I found myself in the red light district {near where all the coffeeshops are} - It's in the historic, old part {or was}.

oakleaffy · 17/06/2024 02:03

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:40

@beckybarefoot well I haven’t said I’d be skint if I went without my partner. Really makes no sense because the problems isn’t him going is it? It’s what he’s said

Edited

If he really wanted to have sex with sex workers, he would be having it.

Plenty of married men do.

{Our GP was caught visiting massage parlours for sex}...married, four children.

tamade · 17/06/2024 01:32

Stinkerantibiotic · 16/06/2024 16:43

But why? Either they really would be buying prostitutes or at the very least they don't think it's a bad practice to support because it's funny to them. Women having to sell their bodies isn't really joke material in my book, but I suppose it depends what you expect from the father of your kids.

But OP going to gawp isn't taking amusement from women selling their bodies? I think they both deserve each other. Gross

Mothership4two · 17/06/2024 01:16

I think it's a joke in poor taste and not something he would actually act upon - stupid men's banter. I also think it's a bit futile to get angry about it.

We go on each other's phones sometimes

Mothership4two · 17/06/2024 01:07

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 17/06/2024 00:37

I'm certainly assuming so from the username. Check what it means on urban dictionary. Caution: not safe for work, and not something to look up during breakfast or any other meal.

I have checked and can't find any reference to it or variations

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 17/06/2024 00:37

ActivePeony · 16/06/2024 20:28

You are a bloke and I claim my £5.

I'm certainly assuming so from the username. Check what it means on urban dictionary. Caution: not safe for work, and not something to look up during breakfast or any other meal.

mrsdineen2 · 16/06/2024 23:59

MartyFunkhouser · 16/06/2024 23:18

Banter or not, a decent bloke wouldn’t make comments like that.

Many a true word spoken in jest.

A decent woman wouldn't go gawping around the red light district, so they're well matched.

MartyFunkhouser · 16/06/2024 23:18

Banter or not, a decent bloke wouldn’t make comments like that.

Many a true word spoken in jest.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 23:14

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Caththegreat · 16/06/2024 23:13

Sexist.some men do.

BucketBouquet · 16/06/2024 23:09

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:38

I’m really not bothered about whether or not people think I am BU for going on his phone sorry

Well I think it’s disgusting.

Jewel52 · 16/06/2024 23:03

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:42

oh good lord.. it sounds to me like you actually want to believe all these replies about what a monster your partner is..

men look at other women! women look at other men.. my husband knows that jason statham is my pass... if he knocked on the door, hubby has to close it quiety behind him... its not real.. its never going to happen.. its a bit of fun!

paying for sex with sex workers is absolutely not the same as a fantasy about film stars. One is a harmless fantasy about powerful individuals, the other is about the sexual exploitation of the powerless. Shame you can’t see the difference

Shineabrightlight · 16/06/2024 23:02

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 23:01

@Shineabrightlight No I’m still angry at him

Quite rightly.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 23:01

@Shineabrightlight No I’m still angry at him

OP posts:
Shineabrightlight · 16/06/2024 22:59

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:37

@Stripeysocks1981 he already knows you don’t need to worry☺️

@Travis1 well he knows I’ve seen the messages and he’s very sorry and no accusation of me being a creepy privacy invader from him so all good👍🏼

So OP does that mean he has convinced you it was just a "joke" after all?

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 16/06/2024 22:54

Sure, it's a joke. But I personally find it vile. I broke up with an ex who was like this because that's not the kind of man I wanted to be with forever.

Animatic · 16/06/2024 22:50

I wouldn't like that but wouldn't confront him either. Would have probably kept it somewhere at the back of my mind in "to watch out" box.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 22:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 22:37

@Stripeysocks1981 he already knows you don’t need to worry☺️

@Travis1 well he knows I’ve seen the messages and he’s very sorry and no accusation of me being a creepy privacy invader from him so all good👍🏼

OP posts: