Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 18/06/2024 09:45

@Yellowvelvetpop Yep more than you think do it.

Yellowvelvetpop · 18/06/2024 07:44

Knitgoodwoman · 16/06/2024 19:27

I don’t think that’s a joke. I’ve worked with mainly men for 20+ years and the ones who ‘joke’ like this are the ones that do it. A lot more men get prostitutes in Amsterdam than you’d think as well. Most men I went away on work trips with did.

🤢

Disturbia81 · 17/06/2024 17:28

Howbizarre22 · 17/06/2024 11:38

Great to see that misogynist “mushroom stamp “ has been removed- and not surprised at all to see he was a “previously banned poster” 🙄😊

I honestly thought Andrew Tate has signed up
What a vile scummy poster. "I'm a sleazy swamp dweller therefore all men are and you women are all overreacting"

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 17/06/2024 14:38

My sentiments exactly!

Mothership4two · 17/06/2024 14:35

@AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment

Read at your own risk: Urban Dictionary: mushroom stamp

Eew!

OonaStubbs · 17/06/2024 14:22

People are allowed to be slightly annoyed with their partner. It shouldn't be either "it's OK, just lads banter" or "LTB".

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 17/06/2024 14:07

Mothership4two · 17/06/2024 01:07

I have checked and can't find any reference to it or variations

Read at your own risk: Urban Dictionary: mushroom stamp

summerOnes · 17/06/2024 13:28

@Howbizarre22 fabulous👏🏻

OP posts:
Howbizarre22 · 17/06/2024 11:38

Great to see that misogynist “mushroom stamp “ has been removed- and not surprised at all to see he was a “previously banned poster” 🙄😊

Toptotoe · 17/06/2024 10:17

It’s disrespectful of you. He is demeaning you to his friends, I’m guess this is not the first time he has said stuff like this. I’d tell him what you have seen and tell him how angry it has made you - don’t let him change it to you looking at his phone, you can have that argument later.
i have a very low tolerance for this kind of ‘ banter’ but I know a lot of women are prepared to tolerate it. You need to work out where you are setting your boundaries.

AmelieTaylor · 17/06/2024 10:17

Soonenough · 16/06/2024 16:54

Unfortunately I might have said similar to my friend if it was male prostitutes. It's a joke because he really wouldn't have spent all his money on sex workers would he . If you think that men AND women don't say outrageous things for the laugh/shock value you're kidding yourself.

Exactly.

everything has to be so DEEP these days, no light hearted humour.

Pantaloons99 · 17/06/2024 10:11

I find it really gross and it would put me off massively. Referring to them as fit birds is so cringeworthy I couldn't bear it. I'd hate to think what other ' lads banter ' crap he's capable of tbh. Absolute tool.

summerOnes · 17/06/2024 10:11

@Ineedaholidayyyy eww what a horrible person

OP posts:
Ineedaholidayyyy · 17/06/2024 10:07

summerOnes · 17/06/2024 09:46

@MushroomStamp perhaps you should learn to get some respect. Glad this is all a laugh to you👍🏼 again, you’re not funny

@MushroomStamp has no respect for women. This the same person who posted this below, in response to a thread where a woman was horrified her husband had filmed them having sex , without her consent.
Quote
"If OP thinks it was only for his own personal gratification then running to the police is a bit extreme"

LesFreursDuMal · 17/06/2024 09:52

Ah yea, poor prostitutes. Prostitution is fully legal in Amsterdam. Women are authonomous human beings with presumably brains they can use, so if they choose suck dick for money instead of working at the local KFC, that's their prerogative. Not going to split hairs over it, whatsoever. Sick and tired at women portrayed as poor brainless victims at every opportunity. Go get a normal job, stop offering fucks for money, if you don't like it. It's Amsterdam, not the deepest russia, where no one gives a fuck.

As for the message, it's crude, but probably a joke.

summerOnes · 17/06/2024 09:46

@MushroomStamp perhaps you should learn to get some respect. Glad this is all a laugh to you👍🏼 again, you’re not funny

OP posts:
Howbizarre22 · 17/06/2024 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Doteycat · 17/06/2024 09:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

You must know some real swamp creatures of men.

Newposter180 · 17/06/2024 09:04

localnotail · 17/06/2024 07:22

That's really uncalled for, Amsterdam is lovely and romantic! Shame that most tourist only know it for weed and sex. But this says more about some people's narrowness of mind and is not Amsterdam's fault.

Totally agree! Having been to all three of those places, Amsterdam is my favourite by far for the canals, hotels, restaurants and museums which are all world class. I do find it completely bizarre that a couple on a weekend there would go anywhere near the red light district, but maybe that’s why my husband would never make this kind of “joke”…

localnotail · 17/06/2024 07:22

Meetingofminds · 16/06/2024 20:30

I wish I could say I had holiday envy but that sounds like a HIDEOUS weekend away. What is wrong with Rome or Florence or somewhere romantic and civilised?? Sounds absolutely grim!!!

That's really uncalled for, Amsterdam is lovely and romantic! Shame that most tourist only know it for weed and sex. But this says more about some people's narrowness of mind and is not Amsterdam's fault.

Meetingofminds · 17/06/2024 06:39

Superstar88 · 17/06/2024 04:08

Sorry but red district is about women selling bodies, same way as dancers, or any performers really. Also do you think most people go to red district to what feel sorry for women? As long as women not forced and have a choice.

How would you ever know if they were being forced? No one chooses that work for the love of it, there will be very little ‘choice’ in that woman’s life even the ones that aren’t being trafficked, exploited and abused. Many have drug habits and are a product of terrible childhoods.

TealSapphire · 17/06/2024 05:28

Telling username @MushroomStamp it really lets your misogyny shine through.

I thought banter was light hearted and witty ribbing or teasing. Looks like it's been appropriated by low intellect types to excuse the stupid shit they spout dressed up as 'jokes'.

ImustLearn2Cook · 17/06/2024 05:11

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 20:04

@Choochoo21 I am not bothered that he went and I wouldn’t have been bothered if he went if he were there with friends. I’m also not bothered he called them “fit” Its the fact he basically said if he wasn’t there with me he’d have cheated. What’s so difficult to understand

@summerOnes YANBU and I can’t think of many men who would be ok with their dp or wife joking about cheating on him. He probably wouldn’t write it off as female banter.

It’s not respectful of your partner is it? It’s basically showing off to his friend that his dp/wife isn’t that important to him or valued very much. Typical of toxic masculinity mentality.

I have met men who are absolutely paranoid about their dp/wife cheating on them even when there is no evidence to suggest that they would. I could only imagine how they would react to this type of message on their dp/wife’s phone.

whatdoidonowffs · 17/06/2024 04:53

QueensOfTheVolksAge · 16/06/2024 16:59

Your partner pays for sex, or would happily pay for sex, even whilst in a relationship. He would or maybe already does, pay for sex with coerced women, who statistically speaking are very very likely to be trafficked or under some form of trauma or duress.

His money (your joint money?) wouldn't buy consent either, because consent cannot be bought, so .. yeah. He would happily pay to rape women, behind your back. Because they are so "fit".

Is that the best man in the world? The best man in your town, even? No. Not even the best man in your street. Is this Mr Pay-per-Rape the best man you can find? No. Of course not. I would definitely split up over this! I would be disgusted and unable to ever see him the same way.

That’s a bit of an extreme jump don’t you think ?

ImustLearn2Cook · 17/06/2024 04:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

@MushroomStamp I just want to point out that there are a lot of male chefs out there. There is absolutely nothing unusual or wrong about men who like baking and yes talking about baking or texting about baking or swapping recipes or trading baking tips.

And there are male artists, craftsmen out there and some of them crochet or knit. There is nothing wrong with that either.

Toxic masculinity is going out of fashion, it’s time to let it go.