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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:40

@beckybarefoot well I haven’t said I’d be skint if I went without my partner. Really makes no sense because the problems isn’t him going is it? It’s what he’s said

OP posts:
MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 16:39

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yellowsmileyface · 16/06/2024 16:39

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Music, movies, work, family, life stuff, politics, general world events, sports, etc.

Not paying for sex.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:39

is no one going to point out that the OP went to the RED LIGHT DISTRICT with her partner. i assume she wasn't forced, she went to look at the sex workers along with her partner.

so its ok for her to go and look, but its not ok for him?

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:38

I’m really not bothered about whether or not people think I am BU for going on his phone sorry

OP posts:
PeopleGetSoAngry · 16/06/2024 16:38

"Fit birds"? Do people still say things like that? Sounds like the script from a 1970s sitcom. Id find it really grim even though it was obviously jokey and realistically no harm in it.

Screamingabdabz · 16/06/2024 16:38

So many apologists for dickhead behaviour here… yes op it’s unacceptable and embarrassing that your partner would think and talk like that about women. ‘Banter’ or not.

Tigrela · 16/06/2024 16:36

That would turn my stomach even if it was a joke. What's funny about joking about paying to use a woman's body for sex. I don't think I'd be able to look at him the same way after that.

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 16:36

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Wait, so seeing sex workers is the only thing guys have as a hobby?

Floatinginatincan · 16/06/2024 16:36

Clearly a joke between 2 friends. If you were worried someone was trying to get hold of him urgently. The reasonable thing to do is wake him up & say I think someone is trying to get hold of you.

yellowsmileyface · 16/06/2024 16:36

YANBU. Evidently he was "joking", but it would gross me out for a guy to "joke" about using women as a commodity. It indicates a general lack of respect for women.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:36

ah.. well, if you were worried that your partner was needed on the phone, why did you not wake him instead of looking through it?

you know what they say, if you are not going to like what you find, then don't look!

anyhow.. it all sounds pretty normal 'lads' stuff to me.. You've already decided he's an arsehole, that he's cheating, that he's a wrong un.. but honestly, i really think you are really over-reacting.

Dilemmaskiddlez · 16/06/2024 16:35

I think that's lads banter more than anything. Also you can't expect him to never find another female attractive ever again. He's verbalised it in lads banter. If you didn't look at his phone you'd have never known about it.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 16:35

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HellonHeels · 16/06/2024 16:33

He and his friend are both sleazy, unpleasant specimens. I'd be grossed out by that conversation.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:31

Knew I’d get replies about me going on his phone🤣 no I don’t at all I’ve explained why I did

OP posts:
Boreoffwithyournakedpics · 16/06/2024 16:29

I'd be annoyed with you if I was him. It's a crappy joke. Do you always read his messages?

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 16:28

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