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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 16/06/2024 17:03

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You have a low opinion of men.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:02

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 17:01

@beckybarefoot no, I wasn’t sure if I should mention it to him when he wakes up or just to leave it incase I was over reacting. You’re very argumentative

i really am not... as everyone else has said... you should not have been looking on his phone and you are over-reacting.

the only decent thing you can do, its actually tell him when he wakes up, what you have done!

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 17:01

@beckybarefoot no, I wasn’t sure if I should mention it to him when he wakes up or just to leave it incase I was over reacting. You’re very argumentative

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 16/06/2024 17:00

Yuck. I wouldn’t be happy with that either but I also wouldn’t have looked at his phone.

Lampzade · 16/06/2024 17:00

Screamingabdabz · 16/06/2024 16:38

So many apologists for dickhead behaviour here… yes op it’s unacceptable and embarrassing that your partner would think and talk like that about women. ‘Banter’ or not.

This
They both sound like immature idiots tbh.

anotherglassofsomething · 16/06/2024 17:00

It depends on who he is, I wouldn't expect this from dh so I would divorce him for it but that's because I wouldn't have willingly married a man who talks like that about woman.
However I know there are many men who openly speak like that all the time but I wouldn't be married to them.

QueensOfTheVolksAge · 16/06/2024 16:59

Your partner pays for sex, or would happily pay for sex, even whilst in a relationship. He would or maybe already does, pay for sex with coerced women, who statistically speaking are very very likely to be trafficked or under some form of trauma or duress.

His money (your joint money?) wouldn't buy consent either, because consent cannot be bought, so .. yeah. He would happily pay to rape women, behind your back. Because they are so "fit".

Is that the best man in the world? The best man in your town, even? No. Not even the best man in your street. Is this Mr Pay-per-Rape the best man you can find? No. Of course not. I would definitely split up over this! I would be disgusted and unable to ever see him the same way.

Tandora · 16/06/2024 16:59

PossumintheHouse · 16/06/2024 16:58

No, it isn't. Some men talk to each other like that. It isn't ordinary and it's manky as fuck.

It isn't ordinary and it's manky as fuck.

this

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:59

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:57

@beckybarefoot that I want people to say ltb? If I wanted that I wouldn’t have come on here for opinions, I’d just do it. Don’t people always come on here to get other opinions?

what exactly do you want people to say? i'm confused? you don't want people to comment on the fact you looked at your partners phone, and you don't want people to tell you to leave him?

so you actually want people to reassure you that this is 'normal'?

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 16:58

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Bumblebeestiltskin · 16/06/2024 16:58

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Why is what men text to each other about different to what women text each other about?

This crappy 'boys will be boys' narrative is decades out of date, and is just an excuse for unacceptable behaviour in boys and men.

For what it's worth, I text my friends about sex etc, but I don't text them saying I'd pay for sex and cheat on my partner.

Shineabrightlight · 16/06/2024 16:58

I don't know why it's OP that is getting a hard time when it's her DP that is the one who is behaving badly.
Similarly why is every one assuming it is just banter - sounds to me as though he possibly does use prostitutes and his mate does as well. Even if it is banter it is gross.

PossumintheHouse · 16/06/2024 16:58

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No, it isn't. Some men talk to each other like that. It isn't ordinary and it's manky as fuck.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:57

@beckybarefoot that I want people to say ltb? If I wanted that I wouldn’t have come on here for opinions, I’d just do it. Don’t people always come on here to get other opinions?

OP posts:
Tandora · 16/06/2024 16:57

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Why do you think it’s ok for men to disparage women for a “bit of bantz”?? Is it ok to be racist if it’s just banter? Homophobic? Ableist? Or is it just women as a group who should put up with being dehumanised in the name of “bantz”.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:56

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:55

@beckybarefoot what’s makes you so sure of that🤔

so sure of what?

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:55

@beckybarefoot what’s makes you so sure of that🤔

OP posts:
Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 16:55

I think some posters are a bit naive and happily wave their partners off to far away stag do's really thinking they're not going to sleep with sex workers.

shearwater2 · 16/06/2024 16:55

Ugh, some men.

Didimum · 16/06/2024 16:55

I’m surprised at this thread. If women are really excusing this disgusting, disrespectful behaviour as ‘lad’s banter’ then no wonder there’s so many women on here upset about their shit partners.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:55

well i guess i forgot the usual MN anhem of LTB! thats what the OP is here to hear anyway so might as well get it over and done with.

Soonenough · 16/06/2024 16:54

Unfortunately I might have said similar to my friend if it was male prostitutes. It's a joke because he really wouldn't have spent all his money on sex workers would he . If you think that men AND women don't say outrageous things for the laugh/shock value you're kidding yourself.

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 16:54

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I said it was possible.

Why are you so sure it's not possible?

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 16:53

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Tandora · 16/06/2024 16:51

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Ummm yes! It’s absolutely not ok to talk in such a disparaging and disrespectful way about women, including women who sell sex. And they are not “poor ladies of Amsterdam” they are women, mostly immigrant women, usually in a variety of highly vulnerable situations in which they have few other options other than to sell sex for money. They are not commodities to be joked and laughed at.

I sincerely hope you are not raising boys. (Or girls for that matter).

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