Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:18

@Begsthequestion .. no they don't! where is your evidence that this is what happens on a stag do?

who hurt you?

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:16

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:15

@Begsthequestion ... i feel very sorry that you have such a low opinion of men and lack trust!

I know you will find it hard to believe, but there ARE men out there who can be faithful too their partners and can contain themselves around other women.

what a sad day

Yeah I know. The men I know don't go off on extended stag dos to hire sex workers.

Other men do though.

Fulshaw · 16/06/2024 17:16

So many po-faced, upright women around. It was just a bloody joke with a mate! Absolutely nothing in it.

positivevibesonlyx · 16/06/2024 17:15

I would mention it to him when he wakes. I'd stick to the facts, his friend was messaging him, you read it just incase he needed anything urgently, you then read a conversation you wish you hadn't and state how you feel. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to feel upset.

I wouldn't be annoyed at him making the 'joke', it be more upset on how he worded it.
'I’m so glad I went with (my name)' so just because you were there with him and not the fact he's not single...

Having said that, him saying it doesn't make him capable of doing anything.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:15

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:12

I'm sure you're very aware and there's absolutely nothing for you to worry about and your husband was an angel on every occasion.

The men in my life don't go on stag dos. It's not a thing in my circle.

@Begsthequestion ... i feel very sorry that you have such a low opinion of men and lack trust!

I know you will find it hard to believe, but there ARE men out there who can be faithful too their partners and can contain themselves around other women.

what a sad day

JanglingJack · 16/06/2024 17:15

PeopleGetSoAngry · 16/06/2024 16:38

"Fit birds"? Do people still say things like that? Sounds like the script from a 1970s sitcom. Id find it really grim even though it was obviously jokey and realistically no harm in it.

Confessions of the snoring man. By proxy.

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 17:15

@MushroomStamp hilarious but no I was changing a nappy

OP posts:
MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

HarpieDuJour · 16/06/2024 17:14

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:39

is no one going to point out that the OP went to the RED LIGHT DISTRICT with her partner. i assume she wasn't forced, she went to look at the sex workers along with her partner.

so its ok for her to go and look, but its not ok for him?

I ended up in the red light district of Amsterdam with my dad. (He, a soldier whose job was training other soldiers, got the map upside down!). OP could have got there accidentally, or maybe her partner knew where they were going and she didn't. It's easy to end up in the wrong place in a strange city.

Jeannie88 · 16/06/2024 17:13

Banter, blokes seem to think they have do this to impress each other 😔

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:13

PossumintheHouse · 16/06/2024 17:12

I feel sorry for you.

Yup. This poster is arguing that all men are the same, and at the same time, that not all men are the same.

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:12

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:06

@Begsthequestion what kind of stags do your male friends and relatives go too?

i mean i know i don't go on these stags, but i'm normally aware of what has happened, and of the 3 stags my husband has been too recently, absolutely never was there even a hint of a sex worker?

maybe the men in my life have a different view on women than the men in yours do?

I'm sure you're very aware and there's absolutely nothing for you to worry about and your husband was an angel on every occasion.

The men in my life don't go on stag dos. It's not a thing in my circle.

PossumintheHouse · 16/06/2024 17:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

I feel sorry for you.

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

If you can't understand my posts, don't worry about it.

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:09

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 16:55

I think some posters are a bit naive and happily wave their partners off to far away stag do's really thinking they're not going to sleep with sex workers.

Edited

im absolutely certain my husband would not sleep with a sex worker! and i absolutely trust him that he won't.

he does look at other women, but he can control himself enough not to try throw cash at a them.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

OlympicProcrastinator · 16/06/2024 17:08

The bar for men is set so low it’s unreal. I would not tolerate this in my marriage at all. I would expect my husband to show me so much more respect than that I’d be seriously reconsidering my marriage.

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:06

Icantpaint · 16/06/2024 17:05

I’ve been on many stag do’s. On each one, every single member of the group has been able to not sleep with any prostitues. It’s almost like we don’t want to do that…

So I presume you don't make jokes like op's partner did either then.

There's more than one type of man.

MonsteraMama · 16/06/2024 17:06

The pickme is strong on this thread

TheSixQuarks · 16/06/2024 17:06

It's a bit icky but I guess if you go to see the red light district it's probably not a surprise that your man has an (icky) joke about it with his friends. If you're that offended by the idea of sex work, why go to see it?

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:06

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:03

It's more of a bonding activity on a stag do, far away from partners and wives. A big secret for big boys. The group all doing it makes it more socially acceptable for them. Less grubby and desperate, more top bants to text one another about after.

I'm surprised with all your knowledge of men that you didn't know this already?

@Begsthequestion what kind of stags do your male friends and relatives go too?

i mean i know i don't go on these stags, but i'm normally aware of what has happened, and of the 3 stags my husband has been too recently, absolutely never was there even a hint of a sex worker?

maybe the men in my life have a different view on women than the men in yours do?

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Icantpaint · 16/06/2024 17:05

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:03

It's more of a bonding activity on a stag do, far away from partners and wives. A big secret for big boys. The group all doing it makes it more socially acceptable for them. Less grubby and desperate, more top bants to text one another about after.

I'm surprised with all your knowledge of men that you didn't know this already?

I’ve been on many stag do’s. On each one, every single member of the group has been able to not sleep with any prostitues. It’s almost like we don’t want to do that…

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

It's more of a bonding activity on a stag do, far away from partners and wives. A big secret for big boys. The group all doing it makes it more socially acceptable for them. Less grubby and desperate, more top bants to text one another about after.

I'm surprised with all your knowledge of men that you didn't know this already?

Swipe left for the next trending thread