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AIBU?

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For being upset at what DP said to his friend?

393 replies

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

OP posts:
Shineabrightlight · 16/06/2024 17:43

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/06/2024 17:36

Plenty of women joke about how they wouldn't kick some blokes out of bed, what they would like to do to other blokes and so on. I know many of .my work mates do. Hell we even have that sort of banter between the women and the gay men. Amazingly we all manage to never actually put it into practice its just a bit of fun between mates.

A couple of weeks ago we went on a hen weekend that involved butlers in the buff, sip and paint with a very fit naked bloke and none of us actually slept with anyone. Cos you know all the talk is literally that - just stupid talk between mates.

I don't think emulating bad male behaviour is a good look. Just because men talk about women as sex objects I don't see women talking about men in a similar fashion is something to aspire to.

Similarly the thought of women watching Butlers in the buff turns my stomach almost, but not quite, as men going to see strippers and lapdancers.

sweetpickle2 · 16/06/2024 17:43

I am not a pearl clutcher by any means but women lining up to excuse this as banter is really depressing.

Shootingstars999 · 16/06/2024 17:41

summerOnes · 16/06/2024 16:26

DP is asleep on the sofa and his phone was next to me charged up. He kept getting messages from his best friend, like one every second saying “reply quick” so I went onto the messages to see if it was anything serious so I could tell DP.

Long story short I’ve just read a conversation that went like this.

His friend “how was Amsterdam, did you go to the red light district” (we went amsterdam last week week)
DP “yeah there were so many fit birds there”
His friend “There is isn’t there🤣”
DP “yeah I’m so glad I went with (my name) otherwise I’d be skint🤣”

Ive come upstairs because I am fuming. He’s still asleep downstairs and I know when I mention it to him he will say he was joking. But would anyone else take it as a joke? Am I over thinking and just put it down to lads having “banter”

It’s understandable that you are fuming.
Its disrespecting you.
Having said that it is highly likely that it’s just banter and he’s just wanting to make his mate laugh.
Do you trust him?

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/06/2024 17:39

@summerOnes It’s completely inappropriate and disrespectful. I would find it impossible to get past shit like this. And I would never be in a relationship where this kind of sexist disloyal crap was seen as ‘banter’.

WorkCleanRepeat · 16/06/2024 17:39

I think you're being sensitive. It was a joke. Unless he has form for being a sleeve I wouldn't batter an eyelid at that comment.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:38

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Tandora · 16/06/2024 17:37

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:34

This thread is an interesting mix of cynically low bars and inexplicable naivety, often from the same posters at the same time.

Is this how some straight women cope with having to date straight men?

This thread is an interesting mix of cynically low bars and inexplicable naivety, often from the same posters at the same time.

quite.

Is this how some straight women cope with having to date straight men?

Sadly I think this is right on the nose.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/06/2024 17:36

Plenty of women joke about how they wouldn't kick some blokes out of bed, what they would like to do to other blokes and so on. I know many of .my work mates do. Hell we even have that sort of banter between the women and the gay men. Amazingly we all manage to never actually put it into practice its just a bit of fun between mates.

A couple of weeks ago we went on a hen weekend that involved butlers in the buff, sip and paint with a very fit naked bloke and none of us actually slept with anyone. Cos you know all the talk is literally that - just stupid talk between mates.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:36

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Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:34

This thread is an interesting mix of cynically low bars and inexplicable naivety, often from the same posters at the same time.

Is this how some straight women cope with having to date straight men?

Tandora · 16/06/2024 17:33

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So you have to be willing to joke about buying prostitutes (behind your wife’s back ) to qualify as “a man” in your opinion?

Again, it’s not about him “looking at another woman”, it’s about him joking about buying prostitutes. I’m staggered you don’t perceive a difference.

Tandora · 16/06/2024 17:31

Fulshaw · 16/06/2024 17:16

So many po-faced, upright women around. It was just a bloody joke with a mate! Absolutely nothing in it.

If I’m offended by rape jokes, does that make me po-faced? What about racist ones? Theres nothing funny in what was said.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:30

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ZenNudist · 16/06/2024 17:27

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 16:39

is no one going to point out that the OP went to the RED LIGHT DISTRICT with her partner. i assume she wasn't forced, she went to look at the sex workers along with her partner.

so its ok for her to go and look, but its not ok for him?

It's central in Amsterdam. You come out of the station and its a bit to the left @beckybarefoot . The OP is not at fault.

You cant avoid as it sprawls to other areas. Plus theres unsavoury stuff like shops selling dildos and novety condoms amidst a pretty stellar city.

I thought it was mainly at night but it seems there are women on show in the day. Its grim but I do love the city and there's lots to recommend it for a holiday with teens.

@summerOnes I'd be annoyed with my DP finding the exploitation of women titillating.

Tandora · 16/06/2024 17:26

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Do you understand the difference between women as sexual beings and women and sexual objects / commodities ?

what is a lads lad? Is that code for rampant misogynist?

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:25

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NeedToChangeName · 16/06/2024 17:25

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@MushroomStamp Some men, not all

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:25

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:23

Have you honestly not realised this? Why do you think they go far away for days on end to countries where sex workers charge very little? It's super common. And even strippers often do extras on stag do's.

As I've said a few times already, I don't move in those circles personally. Doesn't appeal to me at all.

@Begsthequestion ... as my parting shot! i now realise where i have gone wrong all these years...

the stags my husband has been on, they haven't left the country... phew thankgoodness, i dodged a bullet there eh.

Bestyearever2024 · 16/06/2024 17:23

If I felt secure with my partner, I'd assume he was joking and banting

But then, if I were secure with my partner, I wouldn't make up an excuse to check his phone

If I felt insecure with my partner, I'd check his phone and assume he meant that he'd have paid for prostitutes when without me

Begsthequestion · 16/06/2024 17:23

beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:18

@Begsthequestion .. no they don't! where is your evidence that this is what happens on a stag do?

who hurt you?

Have you honestly not realised this? Why do you think they go far away for days on end to countries where sex workers charge very little? It's super common. And even strippers often do extras on stag do's.

As I've said a few times already, I don't move in those circles personally. Doesn't appeal to me at all.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:23

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beckybarefoot · 16/06/2024 17:22

@MushroomStamp ... im actually laughing now at this thread.. its crazy! but i have to sign off now, but i can't wait to log in tomorrow to see how i get attacked further x thanks for the company

vanillaclouds · 16/06/2024 17:22

It's the women that think they're being cool, chilled and I'm ok with my husband doing blah blah that get treated so appallingly by their men.
They might take the piss out of woman who won't tolerate certain behaviour and have boundaries but there's a saying that people treat you how you allow them to.

Shineabrightlight · 16/06/2024 17:20

Fulshaw · 16/06/2024 17:16

So many po-faced, upright women around. It was just a bloody joke with a mate! Absolutely nothing in it.

Are you OP's partner? If not how do you know it was banter?
It certainly sounds as though he is used to visiting prostitutes when he is not with OP. Only her partner and his mate , and probably all his other similar mates, know if this is just banter or a snap shot of what they are in the habit of doing.

MushroomStamp · 16/06/2024 17:19

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