My boring family and I

The thread is about how you sit and home and do nothing all weekend but you have "no time" to do anything?

I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and they just do whatever I tell them we’ll be doing on any given day. They might piss and moan about it but we usually end up having a good time (particularly if I promise ice cream at the end of the day and hold it over their heads all day 😂). If DH can’t come or doesn’t want to come I just take them on my own (and he owes me a night off!). We do activity farms, country parks, swimming, trip to local shopping centre, craft pottery places, garden centres. Most of those things are around a 15-20 min drive from our house. I do appreciate we are lucky to be able to afford these! I usually take a picnic to a country park and have a couple of passes to local places that save a lot of money if you go regularly.

This is what I did.

You have a dh problem if he is happy staying at home, leave him at home. So what if he is pissed off? Ignore it and carry on living your life. I could not cope with your suffocating situation either!
If your friends can’t come out then go to a meet up near you and make new ones.

This is only going to get worse op.

Its hard with kids can get thankless. Can you arrange something with a friend yoga coffee cinema? I find even now if I dont make changes then its same old crap. One evening out of house would help.

Sounds like the problem is your DH who neither wants to do anything as a family or parent his child.

I know what you mean OP - my son is nine and five years ago we were doing all the soft play and farms, and he was still amenable to trying whatever I wanted to do, or happy to play with my friends' children. Now he knows exactly what he wants to do and that is football, running, video games, YouTube, having friends of his choice over, going to their houses, and eating specific foods.

If I suggest other things there is at best a lack of enthusiasm, more likely strenuous objection. And yes I insist on doing stuff but I often end up thinking it was barely worth it because he is fully capable of quietly sucking the joy out of anything he doesn't want to do.

I think it is just part of them growing up and the only way is to make sure you do and enjoy the things you want with friends or your partner (as difficult as that is when your children are still young enough that you don't actually have much time to yourself to do anything without them...)

I could have written this myself OP. Im same age and mine are 7. I am at the age where I want lunch out and a tidy house, which is a nightmare working all week with two kids going mad. Like you I love being a mum, but I selfishly feel I’m missing out on other things.

I always think living for the weekend is problematic, you have to find small day to day pleasures, or at least something nice to do mid week. I usually try to see a friend mid week at least every 2 weeks, or take myself out for dinner. So even if your DH isn't interested you need to prioritise some adult time.

If seeing other people's lives on social media is contributing to your unhappiness, try backing off it for a bit. Remember they're only sharing the exciting parts of their lives.

'Dh generally just wants to *Chill at home at weekends and falls asleep in the afternoon'. So on Saturday morning say 'I'm off for a swim, see you at noon' and plan everything round it e.g. lunch in the fridge and no other kids round till afternoon. Then gradually push Saturday childcare on to him.

Exactly this..

I feel a bit similar. My dc are quite happy being at home. 6 is a funny age, they appear big, compared to how they used to be, but are still very young.

It's easy to get in a rut. Maybe choose a family activity every month.

Then have an afternoon to your self on other weeks . Your dh is a parent too, if you are unable to leave dd with him for a short period of time, that is another issue. I'm sure he would go out and leave you with all the childcare. He can also have a leisure afternoon.

I hear you OP! My kids are both ND and it's a saga taking them anywhere on the weekend. They're better at going out now they're a bit older. But around 6 they could be hard work.

When I was with my ex, our weekends were a lot like yours. The kids didn't want to go out. Ex basically didn't enjoy being a parent very much and he never wanted to do anything. I was miserable stuck at home but felt guilty about missing out on family time.

Now my ex has left, he gets to be Disney dad when he has then cos he gets to fuck off and do his own thing the rest of the time. My kids are older and we have an understanding that I take them out one day at the weekend. I use the time they are with their dad to do more fun and exciting stuff. I've got a child free week away this week.

I'm jumping to conclusions here, but your DH never wanting to go out anywhere and falling asleep on the sofa reminded me of my ex on Sundays. I'd be telling him you all go or you're off out on your own. Have one day out and one day home.

I just assumed some of these things would come back and I’d be able to do them

But you can - the things that are stopping you appear to be in your head, rather than actual physical issues. Are you worried about your DH being angry with you if you go out alone?

Go to the beach! Go with friends! Stop letting this happen. A 6 year old doesn't get to dictate - why would you leave this kind of decision making to a 6 year old?? You are the mother and you know what's best for you all. And even if your husband thinks he's tired, a beach trip will shake things up and he can relax in the evening and Sunday. Or he can stay at home sometimes. You will be so much happier if you have a fun Saturday. Then find a fun class on a Sunday morning or coffee with friends.

Your child is 6! You take her wherever you want. Go to exciting places with her, raise an interesting human being. Not everyone is made for a childcentric life. I found those years mind numbingly, soul destroyingly boring.

Now I have one teenager and one pre teenager and they are interesting people, who love to go to new places and see new things. It gets better.

I go off perhaps 2 weekends out of every 4 to do a hobby, you wouldn’t believe the grief I get from colleagues, friends, mums on the school run who all “can’t believe” I do this. The only person who fully supports it is my DH because he knows I need it. He is their parent too isn’t he? Why can’t he step up every couple of weeks to give you some time off?!

Your daughter’s 6 year old ! If you want to take her to the beach just take her and some beach toys and she’ll be fine once there. Tell DH he can chill and snooze at the beach

I was bored. No one wanted to do anything fun. So I took my kids to the other side of the world, alone (and disabled!lol). It gave us all a kick up the backside, it was honestly the best thing I've ever done in my life

Of course, we came back home and straight into our boring lives just like before 😅

But my point is, do it now, if you want to do stuff. Take them with you, leave them behind, don't create too many regrets.

I can relate.
you have to claim some of your time back.
when they are little everything revolves around them but she’s a bit older now and it will get easier to rationalise.
I love hiking but my DD never wants to go, she would rather chill at home, but I tell her that we are a family and we make sacrifices and support each other. She understands I do lots of running around to make sure she gets to do the things she enjoys… and this is something I enjoy so she can support me too.

my partner is older and works hard in a physical job. He tends to sleep or chill at home too. I don’t want to put pressure on him if he’s tired so I do things by myself. He can chill with DD at home.
I find when I’m out of the house doing my own thing he gets a FOMO and starts to suggest doing more things that I’m interested in.

don’t nope for your old life, it’s gone and not coming back. Find a way to find yourself even if it’s just a little bit. I used to go to the gym every day before DD. Now I commit to one yoga class a week. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

You obviously live near the beach, so can you get your DD into a water sport? Sailing or windsurfing? That way you get to go to the beach every weekend while she has fun outdoors with other kids.