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AIBU?

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Original poster

I dread weekends

36 replies

dratdratdrat · 16/06/2024 13:15

Two Dc. One is 6 and mostly a joy, I enjoy his company and we have a lot of fun together. The other is 2.5 and he is a fucking maniac and I do not enjoy his company and actively dread spending time with him.

I know i am being unreasonable btw.

He’s just SUCH hard work. He’s violent towards us all (inc pets) has an extreme need for control over everything, he's always shouting and/or crying. His sleep is shit, his eating is worse. He is extremely irritable and defiant. He won’t hold hands or listen to instructions and he will actively do the opposite of what you tell him in almost all situations.

Its at the point where I don’t want to leave the house with him. This is having a negative impact on my 6yo who should be out and about at the weekend, meeting friends for picnics and going to the zoo etc.

His development is normal and his 2year check was all fine, although I told the HV about his behaviour and I got “terrible twos” I personally believe there is more to it, do the terrible twos lead to you hating your life?

I’ve taken him to the GP to rule out anything physical/pain causing his behaviour and he’s perfectly healthy. He is an expert masker (i believe thats what it is) and he will always be super charming and sociable to strangers so the GP immediately dismissed me when I mentioned possible neurodivergence.

Honestly I am at my wits end with him. I even said to my husband I wish we’d never had him which I know is awful.

Any advice, anything at all, very much welcome.

OP posts:
Original poster
dratdratdrat · 16/06/2024 16:39

2catsandhappy · 16/06/2024 16:13

Can you video a play session/melt down/bedtime screams etc to show your Dr/HV?

Yes I have been building a folder on my phone of his tantrums. I've stopped now though because it's basically 4/5 every day and it's pretty distressing to look back over.

OP posts:
Original poster
dratdratdrat · 16/06/2024 16:38

onwardandupwards · 16/06/2024 14:27

My now 4 year old ds is exactly the same, he's on waiting list for ASD assessment. He is non stop doesn't need much sleep every attempt at a day out is exhausting. Our hv did a referral which was backed up by his pediatrician, however at nursery he is one of the most quiet children in there, won't play with other children, barely talks to staff ( lovely nursery he's been there over 3 years) outside nursery he is horrendous, still on reins as he's a runner, I often spend hours sat in the same small park with him and dd almost 6 as its the only place he manages to scoot round and round in. Keep going bk and I kept a diary of his behaviours, bed times ect.

My son is beautifully behaved for his grandparents and for his childminder. On holiday grandparents saw snippets of what we usually deal with though.

I can honestly handle the shit sleep and even the tantrums but it's this intense need for control I am really struggling with.

OP posts:
2catsandhappy · 16/06/2024 16:13

Can you video a play session/melt down/bedtime screams etc to show your Dr/HV?

Pantaloons99 · 16/06/2024 14:46

BananaHammock23 · 16/06/2024 14:40

following with interest as I'm having a similar ordeal with my 2.5 year old and feel at the end of my tether. I wish I could impart some helpful advice

It won't help right now but this does get better. This age brought me to tears daily.

kitteninabasket · 16/06/2024 14:46

I'm really sorry this is happening. If he's violent towards pets then you need to rehome them ASAP.

BananaHammock23 · 16/06/2024 14:40

following with interest as I'm having a similar ordeal with my 2.5 year old and feel at the end of my tether. I wish I could impart some helpful advice

onwardandupwards · 16/06/2024 14:27

My now 4 year old ds is exactly the same, he's on waiting list for ASD assessment. He is non stop doesn't need much sleep every attempt at a day out is exhausting. Our hv did a referral which was backed up by his pediatrician, however at nursery he is one of the most quiet children in there, won't play with other children, barely talks to staff ( lovely nursery he's been there over 3 years) outside nursery he is horrendous, still on reins as he's a runner, I often spend hours sat in the same small park with him and dd almost 6 as its the only place he manages to scoot round and round in. Keep going bk and I kept a diary of his behaviours, bed times ect.

Pantaloons99 · 16/06/2024 13:36

Sorry OP, I shouldn't let my experience cloud you. You may struggle to access assessment through the NHS system at this age.

From my experience, I think some may have attributed the behaviour to other things such as the terrible 2s, or just being young and having siblings.
It wasn't until age 8 that it was clear as day that something was going on but I was then refused an NHS assessment. Because again no one would back me up, even the school, GP was just not interested and tried to blame other factors.

We paid £2000 for a very detailed assessment including in school observation. The social differences are more apparent with age so this can help with meeting diagnostic criteria. But each child is different and it will no doubt be clear to an assessor even at this age. Unless it is very obvious ( which it often isn't to outsiders who love to blame parenting) you may be very frustrated trying to get anyone to listen in the public system.

A diagnosis has been incredibly worthwhile and validating in my experience for all people but especially my son.

Original poster
dratdratdrat · 16/06/2024 13:29

Pantaloons99 · 16/06/2024 13:19

Everything you describe sounds like Autism with a PDA profile. This is the most difficult age from my own experience. It got significantly easier with age when you can communicate more. The meltdowns should lessen. But you will have to parent differently to avoid problems for all of you.

I can see that trying to get a diagnosis at this point may be difficult and of no value. I wouldn't however listen to a GP, a health visitor or nursery worker on that subject tbh. You will know best if you research into it. Lots of helpful groups on FBook regards how to manage the different needs at this age. This stage is a huge blur for me.

Honestly thats what we have been thinking too. we've thought he was wired differently since he was a baby but it is very very subtle so I don’t think anyone else gets the challenges we face.
Its interesting you say pursuing a diagnosis at this point would be difficult - can I ask why?

OP posts:
Miloandfreddy · 16/06/2024 13:22

Two year olds are awful in my opinion, still a baby but wanting to be a big boy. Give him time OP.

Pantaloons99 · 16/06/2024 13:19

Everything you describe sounds like Autism with a PDA profile. This is the most difficult age from my own experience. It got significantly easier with age when you can communicate more. The meltdowns should lessen. But you will have to parent differently to avoid problems for all of you.

I can see that trying to get a diagnosis at this point may be difficult and of no value. I wouldn't however listen to a GP, a health visitor or nursery worker on that subject tbh. You will know best if you research into it. Lots of helpful groups on FBook regards how to manage the different needs at this age. This stage is a huge blur for me.

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