To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

Hooray! 😊

Don't think that your aim is to prevent accidents. Accidents are to be expected and are part of the learning curve. Don't see it as a failure if he has an accident - he will learn something from it.

Despite what some books and some (probably older and selectively forgetful) parents on here tell you, very few children are reliably toilet trained within a few days, although they have hopefully got the idea in that time.

It usually takes a number of weeks or even months until a child is really confident at it. (Quicker for older kids mostly) At some point you stop taking spare clothes everywhere and on that day your child will wet themselves for the first time in 6 months.

It's all part of the fun.

OP, I feel like you think that potty training means immediately peeing and pooping in the potty every time. If he hasn’t been for two hours he has a great chance of training. You need to try to learn his rhythms and not over prompt. Keep going and don’t give up on him as that send the message that you don’t think he can do it.

Amazing

Also give him salty crisps to encourage drinking. It's a one off and might brighten the day especially as it sounds like you're a fairly strict household.

Also would not try and stay home for 4 days with a 3 year old and no screens. That sounds like misery for everyone. Think most who are suggesting this probably let their kids watch TV all day.

If he starts looking uncomfortable and is bribable with a screen I would say that's the time to use it. If he's hopping about with legs crossed and will sit on the toilet for an episode of paw patrol I would do that (but wait till he clearly needs to go - don't do it every 20 minutes)

My DS was similarly resistant to the potty. At two and a half he saw a friend using hers and wanted to try so we encouraged this but several weeks later the potty kept being used as a hat (🤢) kicked around the lounge and messed about with. I had another baby and was recovering from a section so it wasn’t a good time generally.

I had another go the month before he turned 3. He would sit on the potty and slowly got the hang of ‘holding’ his wee. He can and does hold for a long time so as long as you regularly take him to the toilet wee accidents are avoided but what he won’t do is tell you when he needs to go to the toilet and he doesn’t go independently. So if you forget to take him he wets himself eventually. And he almost always soils himself because he won’t say he needs a poo.

I have done a lot of reading around the subject and problems are fairly common. Largely the only thing that works is time which I realise is no help to op but I have similar concerns about ds starting school.

There's no point getting him to sit on the potty more than every 2 hours. Especially if he hasn't drunk anything. (Try ice lollies or coke?) It is just going to annoy him and he won't need to go. You need to maintain the appearance that you don't really care what he does and it's up to him but if he does something in the potty or toilet he will get X treat. Then carry on with your day. No further mention of anything toilet related until it happens.

The advice of sitting on the potty at 20 minute intervals is aimed at younger children. It's not the right approach for a 3 year old who has much more control and a bigger bladder.

I would ask every 20 minutes, talk about you going to the toilet. Drink something yourself and ask him, sometimes actions speak louder than words!

Deep breaths and ideally stay in the home.

At this point OP I'd pretend to ignore the potty issue whilst keeping an eye on him and being prepared to clean up.

We’re a bilingual family too, my nieces and nephews are trilingual and you’re not going to kill ‘one parent one language’ by saying just the keys words like wee, poo and toilet in English then repeating them back in the local language and it may help his understanding. With DD much as it pained me to do so, I had to use all the American phrases they used at daycare so pee, poop, diaper, fawcet for hand washing, saying potty in an exaggerated American accent. DH used to say it in his language then repeat in (American) English. There was also something in one of the potty training books I read about aligning language with nursery. I don’t think it was Oh Crap, it may have been Gina Ford. It really helped though so I wouldn’t dismiss the suggestion.

What a lucky little boy to have such a thoughtful mummy.

Of course you’re right about the language issue OP. Some people are just ignorant.

My DS turned 3 and refused to potty train. I remember holding him on the loo out of sheer frustration once. It didn’t work. But a few months later, it just clicked and he was trained in a week with barely any accidents.

So I don’t have any specific advice for you, but lots of sympathy.

Ignore all the competitive parents who think that because their method worked with their child, they are somehow superior. As for this nonsense about “missing the window” - that’s rubbish (and pointless anyway). Good luck OP.

You've received some good advice (as well as some shockingly judgmental and smug responses). Have you spoken to any parents of your DS' friends, since the rest of the children in his nursery are already toilet trained? Maybe there are approaches that are specific to the country/context you are living in. Even particular words and phrases that all the children are familiar with. I realise that may mean using the majority language which you understandably want to avoid, but possibly inserting a word or phrase into your conversations with DS could help you move forward? Just a thought.

Children tend to be toilet trained later these days than they were in the past. When my DH was growing up, all children were trained very early according to MIL. But it was understandable, since no one in their country had a washing machine at home (all laundry was done by hand) and disposable nappies didn't exist there in those years. No one wanted to spend ages washing nappies so there was a huge incentive to get children trained as early as possible. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with waiting until later, though sometimes an older child can be more resistant than a younger one. But that isn't always the case, so your approach of trying to wait until your DS showed signs of readiness seems perfectly fine to me. ETA: I know you can't wait any longer, I'm just saying that there was nothing wrong with waiting until now IMO.

Don't wait any longer, it's OK for people to keep saying wait until they're ready but for some children, the older they get, the longer they can hold the toilet and it's a nightmare trying to train them at this point! My second was like this.

My first wouldn't use the potty so I tried straight to the toilet and she clicked immediately. My second took much longer, she could hold for full days, it was a nightmare! We used lots of bribery in the end.

I would try using the proper toilet first, you never know, he might take to that more.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom I can REALLY emphasise with your situation.

And that poster who told you that you fucked up, is just rude and trying to get a rise out of you.

I had the same situation as you before my DD turned three. I also posted here and told other mums how she was behaving - withholding, completely refusing to sit on the potty or toilet.

Not many people actually had much advice or experience, aside from saying that she's 'not ready'.

After quite a few failed attempts, I decided to just stick to it. I didn't want her to be 3 and a half and doing the same stuff anyway. But my decision nearly went the other way, because of people saying to just wait.

That's all you did. You didn't fuck up. You just listened to the camp that says ' not ready '.

I think you've sometimes got to do a less efficient but more realistic version of Oh Crap depending on your circumstances. Take him out with a travel potty and loose trousers if you need to. If he's got to be back at nursery in however many days keep up with the no nappies at home and then take the nappy straight off after pick up.