To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

Do you think people who live in flats or potty trained in winter are all incontinent ?

they say do it in summer as it’s warmer so easier to be naked. Central heating is however, available.

If the Op had done exactly what is advised then I’d be more amenable to this suggestion; but she hasn’t even attempted the basics so you can’t just say oh children are all different because she hasn’t even really tried to follow a consistent approach.

it is fairly obvious most of the time that children who struggle with potty training usually have a parent who was not really committed, had their own issues around wee and poo which they projected onto their kids, being super stressy about it etc.

The oh crap book is pretty rubbish tbh, there are lots of books - I read several - and they all pretty much same exactly the same thing. It really isn’t rocket science. So unless your child has special needs, I’m thinking something else is going on here.

It isn’t helpful to keep insisting one book and one method work. They don’t: not universally.

Respectfully, people are trying to be helpful and you are being super resistant. I get why, it’s stressful at this point and not worth feeling crap about yourself. It sounds like you haven’t had much support from your husband, who is an idiot for making you go out on the second day when you were supposed to be potty training. Unless there are issues with domestic abuse, I don’t understand why you couldn’t have told him, no, we are potty training. I didn’t have any support either, it was me on my own with 2 kids and it was hard but I did it.

But you are where you are now.

it isn’t unkind to suggest the reasons your son may be struggling, you don’t seem to be reflecting or taking any of what people are saying on board. You seem to think only stay at home parents with gardens have potty trained children. What did you think the rest of the working population with kids did ? Also, what is this focus on a garden? The toilet is in the house, not a garden. It’s irrelevant to potty training.

OP just ignore the stupid poster. Obviously don't cancel your holiday. Progress has been made today. It's an emotional rollercoaster. You are doing fine.

Same here @MissScarletInTheBallroom . People insistent Oh Crap works mean it worked for them and maybe a handful of other children they know. In RL, no one used it and their children trained easily. For those who struggle, it’s just perseverance. We’re seven months in and still struggling (not trying to dishearten you sorry) but I just repeat: positive, calm, encouraging.

@Muthaofcats

Not very helpful. You're making the mistake that thinking just because your kids trained in 3 days, every child can and if they don't it's their parents fault.

Children are all different, what works for some doesn't work for all.

Also I’ve only just realised you’re literally potty training him now- if that’s the case, why are you on mumsnet!?! Get off your phone: and focus! You’re supposed to be watching for signs he needs to go and then responding at that point. Not forcing him to produce offerings on demand! No wonder he’s holding it in then having accidents. Poor lad. Spend the evening reading oh crap properly, because what you’re currently doing is indicative of why your poor son is struggling.

Ah so you did read oh crap but sounds like you never really committed to trying,

and I can assure you I am a full time working parent and also had another child at home, in winter, with no garden. I had planned for the other child to be in nursery for the first couple days so I could have all my focus on the one potty training but they got sick so I ended up with both at home and decided just to crack on on my own. It was MUCH harder than doing it with one child, but I did it solo, so sorry but they sound like excuses for not trying hard enough.

I feel for you as it’s such unhelpful advice when people say to wait until they’re ready; that’s literally the opposite of what all the guidance says. And please don’t do what others have suggested and send your child to school in nappies. How horrible for his self esteem to be a kid in nappies and this is not the job of teachers to change nappies, they do not have the resources for this.

also the oh crap book does not suggest forcing them to sit on a potty every few minutes, so perhaps read it again?

Oh Crap method all the way. I don't care what people say, it works. Barring developmental issues, any 3yr old can learn to potty train.

You say he doesn’t like having accidents - that’s GREAT as you can build on it.

It is useful as one of mine just didn't care.

Try putting it potty/toilet with help and get them to flush (if not bothered by noise) and just say next time try for here - no blame.

Some kids are just harder.

I think (without meaning to be unkind) that this sounds like a ‘you’ problem rather than your son. It sounds super confusing and inconsistent to start and then give up several times and not dedicate sufficient time and focus to this. You’re sending Such mixed messages to him and reinforcing he can’t do it. It might be annoying and impractical but all of the books tell you you need to block off a week to focus on potty training, and do nothing else, not even looking at your phones. Yes it’s intense, yes it’s exhausting but done properly you’ll find too don’t need the full week. All of the books say you don’t ‘try’, you just get rid of nappies and never go back to them. The idea of ‘being ready’ is also proven to be rubbish too. They’re ready as soon as they can follow simple instructions which is why many are trained from 18-20 months. So unless you think your child may have special needs there is no reason they can’t crack this. You sound like you’re putting far too much pressure and stress on him which is now causing him to resist and withhold: it does get so much harder if you leave it until after 3 when they can get more stubborn. But I understand that me saying this isn’t that helpful now the damage is done to that extent.

I think the only thing you can do at this point is to commit some proper time to your son and if that means foregoing a family holiday then so be it. It’s worth it for the self esteem and sense of achievement he will have. I don’t think it will work on holiday, you need to dedicate proper time to it so I’d cancel it. Otherwise call in sick for a week with a bug if necessary: the majority of potty training is staying naked at home anyway so a miraculous bug could be an option if you’re truly stuck now with annual leave.

Perhaps read some of the books, ‘oh crap’ is poorly written but it does work. I followed it to the letter and both my children were trained within 3 days and had maybe only 1 or 2 accidents ever in the first week or so and then never again. I did take it really seriously though all whilst trying to act totally chill and no pressure.

the people I knew who struggled seemed impatient and unwilling to spend the time to help their child - didn’t read or follow the books properly and just wanted someone to wave a magic wand. What’s silly is that being like this short term makes it all last so much longer.

Oh god I remember being oh that's grim. If you need to go out and about I somtimes used to out a pull-up over underpants so they could still feel wet (or cloth nappy cover depending what you have)
I was the queen of about 10 pairs of shorts in my change bag and a huge wet bag to contain dirty stuff

You say he doesn’t like having accidents - that’s GREAT as you can build on it.

No blaming but ‘oh that’s a shame, it would have been better in the toilet’ or whatever he’ll understand as linking the two and as pp have said, have him take part in the cleanup (to an extent obvs, making a three year old clean up their own shit by themselves is… not the intention). Nice and calm and ‘let’s try again’

Itll be ok

Mine were chocolate orientated. So one choc buttons for a wee and two for a poop. Increased as needed to they got one for sitting on the potty for say 3 mins (yes we had a timer and potty lived in front months TV 😂)

Naked never worked for us they needed pants weirdly as they hated being bare bottomed

I would suggest just taking him at regular intervals, big fuss and small reward for each success.

I was going to suggest this - if nothing else try and get him in a routine - and if bribery works use it.

I had issue with eldest two - both either late diagnosed of ND or looking to be - one of who was a nightmare at school but even now as a teen doesn't seem to get physical body feedbacks like others. Also had unhelpful childcare who put eldest back in nappies for their convenience and while in UK school not very sympathetic and they were very young in school year - so yes got to summer and very much felt the pressure.

Youngest was a doddle in comparison. Older two had accidents despite being trained- but it was fine and they did get there in the end.

It does not have to be now. You sound (reasonably) too stressed about it. (I remember the pressure of school)

Wait a bit longer. Might be SEN at play. If he is not ready he is not ready.

I'd keep pull-ups. Use them like pants. Reward for any progress. Tell school you have tried but he is not ready because xyz reason.

AMAZING! Well done to you both!

Also 2-3 hours between toilet trips is perfectly normal for a 3YO in full control of their bladder, which he clearly is. You just probably want to try a bit more frequently to avoid missing it. So don’t worry about that. You’ve definitely got this! Salty crisps and TV as a bribe is also a great idea.

Can DH bring some crisps back from work when he gets home? No rush. Don't go out unless you have to. Sounds like it's going well

I would join you but DS3 has a tummy bug so I think it is a bit unfair. I have been inspired though so I think we will be doing more nappy off time once he is better.

Ignore unhelpful advice. We are a bilingual family too although we have very strong English because this is the home language which both parents speak. I usually say "wee" and "poo" but I had intended to use "pipi" or "kaka" which is the community language simply because I want him to understand that they have the same meaning - but he isn't stupid. He actually figured it out pretty easily without me needing to do this. It was just more natural for me to say wee/poo.

my little girl aged 3 was resistant in potty training and I just wanted her out of nappies at this point, I tried everything almost but realised she really enjoyed going to the actual toilet with her big sister. I ended up buying this toilet seat with steps from amazon https://amzn.to/3z1kpPj for her so she could get up by herself as she's a stubborn little miss. defiantly was worth the money as its so easy for her now, although a minus is that her older sister who is nearly 6 thinks its fun to use as well 😂