To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

It's normal. Why are you reacting so badly to it? Just clean him up, put pants and trousers in a bucket if the poo was runny and ask him to do it in the potty next time.

@Muthaofcats you're the one who should be embarrassed about your awful attitude towards a struggling mother.

Yep, you did, pretty embarrassing for you to be honest.

We did a version of this and it worked very well. Zero confusion and very little mess and stress. Just "well done, we made it!" or "oh no! You'll get it next time."

You’re being melodramatic. Poo accidents happen when they are learning, it’s not his fault and the drama and stress you are making around it is seriously in danger of putting him right off even trying. Trust me you do not want a poo withholding, constipated child who eventually needs years of laxatives.

Buy cheap pants and bin them if you have to. But accidents and cleaning them up go with the territory of potty training children and the bigger deal you make of it the more miserable you’re going to make yourself.

THAT IS NORMAL - isn’t it day 1? Adjust your expectations and train him.

Poster is getting confused.

I called her comment disgraceful.

Can you quote where I used the word disgraceful? Are you getting me mixed up with someone else?

Haha ok. Disgraceful is precisely the word you used but don’t worry; I’m not offended.

Neither am I concerned that a stranger on the internet has queried my powers of comprehension.

That sounds really stressful, op,with the pressure of school in September. I have 4 children, and although I've never read the 'oh crap' method, I think I followed the basics of this, from what I've heard about it. It worked for 3 of mine, but not so well for 1 of them. At first I stressed about it, but then I forced myself to make the active decision not to stress, and I just did the following instead...

I just told him that we were throwing away the nappies and would be wearing pull-ups instead. I carried on with normal life, which like you, involved lots of time spent out the house. I just took him to the toilet every hour on the dot, the same at home or when we were out. If he managed to produce even a tiny wee, he'd get a choc button. If he'd wet/dirtied his pull-ups already, I just changed him with no fuss, and got him to sit on the potty/toilet for a minute. I didn't ask him to stay there long, just a couple of minutes, and he got the choc button if it was successful. I'd chat to him a lot about it all too. If he'd already done a wee in his pull-ups, I'd just lightly say 'oh that's a shame, you could have saved it for the potty and had a button', but I didn't get stressed about it. Eventually, bit by bit, he did more and more wees etc on the potty, and fewer and fewer wees in his pull-ups.

A few people disapproved of doing it this way, and said it would confuse him, and we should just lose the pull-ups, but honestly, it didn't confuse him. He learned that way, and it didn't take too long at all. It took the stress out of it all when the usual method hadn't really worked.

If your ds is withholding until he naps, don't worry. It shows he's capable of holding it in, which is a great sign of bladder control! Just stick the pull-up on him, and don't worry. You have three months. You could try what I suggest, and then re-evaluate in a month. He could be doing really well by then! Tell his nursery what you are doing, so they can stick to the same method.

I haven't called you disgraceful or any other names. I didn't say you couldn't read either. I suggested you struggled with understanding what you are reading.

Reward chart? Worked well when we trained my older son. Also solidarity as my younger child is now 3 and screams when we saw the potty.

But he really wants to go to school with his big brother, but I kindly explained not until he learns to sit on the toilet.

it's just in pants instead.

We had a few that couldn't get to smell right after - that was DS - so in end bought loads of cheap pants and if really bad just threw them out.

Lots of accidents is normal and few years time this will all be a horrible but vague memory.

Needs to be naked from waste down. Let him sit on toilet if he doesn't like the potty.

I remember with my second that some Buzz Lightyear underpants that he could wear if he kept them dry was an incentive.

We had tried the doll thing while Mummy and Daddy cooed about the clever doll you fed water who then drained water into the potty. This worked for the first but the second looked at us as if we were crazed and picked up the doll off the potty, squeezed the bottle into the potty and then sat the doll back on the potty. Might be worth a try though along with salty food and lots of water.

This is probably not PC but my mother told our youngest that big boys don't use potties. This seemed to have some effect because for ages after we went past the nappy aisle in the supermarket he'd hiss that big boys don't wear nappies.

We struggled on and one day while washing my hands, at the age of three he came into the bathroom, clambered on to the loo (we left a smaller loo seat on top for him and a step thing to step up on) sat down, did the whole business, wiped, flushed and washed his hands before leaving. I was astonished and willing to pray to whatever deity was responsible. He was day trained from that moment. I think it helps that they have clothes that are easy to get down like sweat pants rather than struggling with buttons and zips. Also keep the potty/child seat available so they can get to it themselves rather than you bringing it out when they tell you they need it.

Honestly stop.

Go and talk to the school. Tell them that there is a very real possibility that your DS - a tiny child - will not be potty-trained by the time he starts and you expect them to put in place measures to ensure that he can access education alongside all the other children, that it is not a "rocky start" for him and that his privacy and dignity are respected. He will not be the first child to be in this position. You are wasting precious time with him being stressed and anxious when you should just be enjoying your lovely boy.

Please don’t act disgusted or stressed every time he poos; it’s going to create loads of shame and issues around a perfectly normal bodily function. This all seems so angsty, even to the extent people on the internet trying to help are being called names in relation to their advice. It would be impossible that all this pressure wasn’t transferring onto him.

you suggested your husband has some time off in august, might he be a better shout ? He seemed to be suggesting he knew better last time so perhaps will relish the opportunity to sort it himself?

Potty training is the worst. The worst. My two pence worth is follow your gut. You're his mum and know best. Oh crap is bollocks ime. With my eldest we just had to force it through to get the job done. Pure hell. Personally I think the idea of 'readiness' is also bollocks. Massive sympathy that you have such an early deadline to get it done! We had to have ours done by 3 which we mostly did......with accidents. It was haaaaarrrrd.

You called me disgraceful. It’s a bit of a leap.

I was pointing out that the OP says she’s followed an approach but it doesn’t sound like she ever actually did from what she describes of her past experiences so I have suggested she look at it again if she’s struggling.

I wonder why this has wound you up so much that you’re calling me names and suggesting I can’t read.

Hi
Potty trained my DS at 2y9 using the following strategies!

1. read lots of books about potty training for weeks beforehand
2. practised pulling trousers and pants off and back on again independently as well as how we wash our hands independently
3. talked about which potty he would like and then went and collected it together. Also chose some pants he wanted and he handed them over at the till etc. to give a sense of ownership over the whole thing.
4. drew a reward chart with every 3rd square coloured in. I explained that every time he got a bit of wee or poop in the potty we’d colour in a square and when a we reached a shaded square he got a prize (hot wheels car etc). Even if 75% of poop was in pants we still coloured in if a tiny bit got in the potty! It’s all about relaxed positivity! Ended up having about 3 charts over 2/3 weeks with “prize intervals” getting more spaced out and then naturally trailed off.
5. We stayed in for 2 full days and I had the potty close by at all times. I made sure to get in crafts and fun indoor activities to make the days fun. I asked him if he needed a wee or poo literally every 10mins to the extent I had a headache at the end of day 1 lol but it worked. He had to try sitting on the potty at least every 30 mins and we read a book when he did. Clapping and joy at the tiniest success and pretty much ignoring the accidents. Just saying “oh dear, we can’t win them all, try again next time” and move on.
6. No turning back, the nappies are gone now and that’s that. Worked for us so hopefully some of that helps. It is doable. Good luck!

It's ok. It's normal. Disgusting but normal. Please don't despair.

Please try not to worry when poo accidents happen.. we clean their bottoms when they're in nappies, it's just in pants instead.

I would always ask him to empty the pants into the toilet, assist in showering his bottom (or baby wipes if not at home) all of that calmly - but means him taking time out of his play etc to put poo in the toilet, flush it, clean himself up, put the pants and possibly trousers in the washing machine. It gets annoying to the child to have to do those things which can help in them thinking to just get the poo in the toilet in the first place - and in the meantime him practicing cleaning his bottom/reaching etc will help with the next step - that being him wiping himself properly once the poos are all on the toilet! As the schools don't generally assist in that area so using the poo accidents to teach him cleaning his bottom at least starts to kill that skill in when it's at the messiest so he can find it a doddle when it's a normal cleaner toilet affair

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this but Toilet Training in Less Than A Day worked for all 3 of mine.

You need a doll that pees and tbh it sounds ridiculous, but it does work.

Its a shift in perspective - you don’t praise them for going to the loo, you praise them for keeping their pants dry.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/0671693808/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=12HO3HEGUS759&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.d67B3XCwFhZk2thtzTTUq2kr3aYUWD5hddNqdmO8NRoO1VvkK8GAeXGY3g_33I8KUh6-AF8QUVF2JmLBKM1m-aIRvy0p7OntiD-CBVxIFZ9lPbUSOJ0Bn-LU1zYTuqgMGr3S0YEOvZmgc62k7tq0pbtkq4C99IIuSJL_rFBAccyIH-EPlcW9wS5d_BqzmLhgwGf620erJ6rm-7hThNkPhQ.XjLRoQC0PhQ2EF--XkrFwYWHWMMNVyKh3aW2xZt8jF0&dib_tag=se&keywords=toilet+training+in+less+than+a+day&qid=1718626445&sprefix=toilet+training+in%2Caps%2C95&sr=8-1