Page 15 | To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 2024-06-16T09:29:32+00:00

Yes I know there is a topic for this but there's next to no traffic and people who have already cracked this and moved on probably aren't looking at it. My DS turned three a couple of months ago. We have tried potty training several times with no luck so far. He is starting school in September and HAS to be trained by then. There is no other option. I have taken tomorrow and Tuesday off work so we are on day 2 of a four day window dedicated to cracking this and it's getting worse, not better. I don't have any other holiday other than the last two weeks of August which we have booked off to go on an actual holiday and will be completely ruined if we have to spend it hanging around the holiday accommodation doing potty training. I'm at my wits' end. He doesn't want to sit on the potty. He withholds for hours on end. He gets increasingly angry and fed up and wants to go outside and play. Eventually I give in and we go outside and it's only a matter of time before he pees or poos in his pants. Please help.

Original poster

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/06/2024 11:30

Marblessolveeverything · 16/06/2024 11:29

It isn’t an issue in 90% of jurisdictions as research has shown children are releasing the necessary hormone later.

I very much doubt children there are physically different. Unfortunately it sounds like you will just have to juggle time off between ye to provide consistent training.

The only time off we have is now.

Do you have any tips for the actual training?

OP posts:

Marblessolveeverything · 16/06/2024 11:29

It isn’t an issue in 90% of jurisdictions as research has shown children are releasing the necessary hormone later.

I very much doubt children there are physically different. Unfortunately it sounds like you will just have to juggle time off between ye to provide consistent training.

Original poster

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/06/2024 11:25

I guess I am hoping for some replies from people who didn't have the luxury of being able to wait until their child decided they were ready and found a way of making it happen.

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Original poster

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/06/2024 11:24

Marblessolveeverything · 16/06/2024 11:17

You need to recognise you can’t force a child to develop quicker. And regardless of where you are children are not magically different no matter what they are telling you.

On a practical level nobody learns anything in a pressurised environment so if you feel stressed so will he. Take the pressure off and identify a path if he isn’t trained there has to be one, shout your rough jurisdiction and someone will know the loopholes.

The nursery have said that most kids who aren't already potty trained just magically get it in the last two weeks before they start school. Conveniently for them, this coincides with the time he will no longer be their problem. Inconveniently for us, this coincides with our first proper holiday since our honeymoon 6 years ago.

The school have said that they can't legally refuse to take him but it will be a very rocky start for him if he can't use the toilet.

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Original poster

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/06/2024 11:22

WhatNoRaisins · 16/06/2024 11:17

How long have you got to spend training? Mine both flat out refused the potty for days on end before deciding it might actually be quicker and easier than stopping for a shower/change of clothes. It's harder if you've only got sat a weekend.

We can spin it out until the 23rd with only one day when he really has to go to nursery but that's all the time we have. I don't know what I will do if we don't see any progress in that time.

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WhatNoRaisins · 16/06/2024 11:17

How long have you got to spend training? Mine both flat out refused the potty for days on end before deciding it might actually be quicker and easier than stopping for a shower/change of clothes. It's harder if you've only got sat a weekend.

mitogoshi · 16/06/2024 11:17

Bribery! What is their weakness? Chocolate buttons? Coins (yes I bribed dd with quarters (USA), toy cars ? Use of iPad?

It takes 2-4 weeks of very consistent work too I'm afraid

Marblessolveeverything · 16/06/2024 11:17

You need to recognise you can’t force a child to develop quicker. And regardless of where you are children are not magically different no matter what they are telling you.

On a practical level nobody learns anything in a pressurised environment so if you feel stressed so will he. Take the pressure off and identify a path if he isn’t trained there has to be one, shout your rough jurisdiction and someone will know the loopholes.

Crystalball84 · 16/06/2024 11:17

I would take the nappy off and put on pants and be prepared to do a lot of changes. His childminder or childcare setting will have to help. Most children don't learn in a week.

Original poster

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/06/2024 11:14

JollyGreenSnake · 16/06/2024 11:00

"I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end."

It sounds like he's just not ready, and it's not working for either of you. I've had this conversation in several other parents groups recently, and I think it's probably not realistic to toilet train before the child is ready. It's unfortunate that there's a school requirement. Where I live, schools will not accept children under 4. Your son will probably be one of the younger ones in the group?
We struggled to introduce DS, then ~2.5, to potty before arrival of new baby. He used the potty for a few days, then absolutely refused to use it again.
Several months later, he announced that he was going to use the toilet, and has been pretty good about it since. We didn't need days off etc to do it, but staff at our nursery have been supportive.

Kids can develop really quickly at this age, and he still could be pretty good at using the toilet by September.

We aren't in the UK. School is compulsory from the September of the year they turn 3 and he has to be potty trained by then. He won't even be one of the younger ones.

OP posts:

Original poster

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 16/06/2024 11:13

TheSoapyFrog · 16/06/2024 11:11

My son wasn't ready until he was 3 and a half. I didn't keep pressuring him into it, as that can often hinder them more. One day he sat on his potty and had a wee. Within two weeks he was using the toilet. There wasn't any need to stay in for a week and let him run around with no pants on while I chased him with a potty.
My advice is to leave off for a few weeks, keep the potty around, and see what happens. Maybe some YouTube videos about using the potty/toilet would help.

I don't have a few weeks. Every time we have tried and failed we've said we'll leave it and try again later and now we are out of time. It has to be now.

OP posts:

TheSoapyFrog · 16/06/2024 11:11

My son wasn't ready until he was 3 and a half. I didn't keep pressuring him into it, as that can often hinder them more. One day he sat on his potty and had a wee. Within two weeks he was using the toilet. There wasn't any need to stay in for a week and let him run around with no pants on while I chased him with a potty.
My advice is to leave off for a few weeks, keep the potty around, and see what happens. Maybe some YouTube videos about using the potty/toilet would help.

JollyGreenSnake · 16/06/2024 11:00

"I'm at my wits' end.

He doesn't want to sit on the potty.

He withholds for hours on end."

It sounds like he's just not ready, and it's not working for either of you. I've had this conversation in several other parents groups recently, and I think it's probably not realistic to toilet train before the child is ready. It's unfortunate that there's a school requirement. Where I live, schools will not accept children under 4. Your son will probably be one of the younger ones in the group?
We struggled to introduce DS, then ~2.5, to potty before arrival of new baby. He used the potty for a few days, then absolutely refused to use it again.
Several months later, he announced that he was going to use the toilet, and has been pretty good about it since. We didn't need days off etc to do it, but staff at our nursery have been supportive.

Kids can develop really quickly at this age, and he still could be pretty good at using the toilet by September.

InTheRainOnATrain · 16/06/2024 10:52

3 year olds are stubborn as. Sympathies. My DD was the same and I got to her brother before 2 because yikes. Is it school nursery if he’s just turned 3? They may prefer potty trained but I don’t think they’re allowed to not let him come because he isn’t. Still I’d crack on and give it your best shot.

Witholding for hours, do you mean wee? He’s older, sounds like he has excellent bladder control, DD was the same, which is hard initially but once you persuade him to try he should get there really quickly.

Pump him full of fluids. Anything he’ll drink that he’s not normally allowed- juice, squash, even ice lollies. Take him every 30 minutes to the toilet (he’s too big for a little potty) and have him sit for 5. Fidget toys or books, TV or iPad if you have to. Eventually you’ll catch something and when you do give a small sweet like a smartie.

Make accidents annoying so he has to get himself changed, put wet clothes in the laundry, mop up a puddle, get clean clothes himself. If there’s TV on never pause it so he misses it. The idea being that he’ll twig it’s quicker and easier to use the loo. At this age language is important so don’t say anything like ‘it’s ok’ if he has an accident. Obviously you don’t shame him but ‘oh dear, wee goes in the toilet’ should be the response.

Promise a trip to the playground as soon as he does a wee on the toilet, then wait for as long as it takes. When he does go then you rush out, take a change and try to be home within the hour to avoid an accident but it’s outdoors so not a disaster if there is one.

Any friends his age who can show him how it’s done and provide a bit of peer pressure?