To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

Lol 😂 Please teach us how to be perfect parents, oh wise master.

Rubbish. If you don’t like bribery call it positive reinforcement.
would you work for free? There are probably lots of things you wouldn’t do without some sort of incentive.
and yes, toileting is an everyday thing that has to be done- however it’s a new concept to most children when you start to “train” them and sometimes a little incentive, bribery, positive reinforcement works.
nothing lazy about it at all.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom research shows the hormone is coming later to children now there is a better understanding of different developmental patterns. Children back in those days were often shamed, humiliated and slapped.

There is plenty of research into the long term impact this had on the children as they got older. There does be a lot of rose tinted backwards glances.

Mine were trained at two ish, they spoke about the toilet were tall, this can help with the toilet and were dry at night. It is luck of the draw developmentally not particular skill or training.

Given you are in a different place with different approaches is there resources they have as I am conscious we weren’t in your unfortunate situation.

It sounds like you've waited too long. I would potty train at 2 unless there are some kind of special needs. Just go cold turkey. If he has accidents, he has accidents. He'll learn quickly then.

I never potty trained my younger two. Just waited until they asked. My daughter was almost 3 and a friend came over for the day. She saw her friend use the toilet and that was that. She decided she was going to use the toilet so we went out that afternoon and she chose underwear. No accidents at all . She even went to bed the 2nd night without a nappy and that was that. My son is a year younger. I decided to do the same with him . He was coming up to 3 1/2 and I thought I needed to push things on a bit. He wasn’t quite so keen but if he’d had a bath in the evening and was running around naked he’d often run and use the toilet . Same in the day if he had no nappy on he’d happily go and use the toilet. So we went out and got some pants. He was resistant the first day and on the way home from doing the school run he had an accident but literally the next day he put the pants on himself and again was pretty much clean and dry from day one.

i never had a potty just went straight to the toilet with a little step.

Attitudes towards toilet training are different in UK with a current trend for much later....I often think it's harder with more stubborn preschoolers then toddlers.

What are you currently doing- do you ask him if he needs toilet? I would suggest just taking him at regular intervals, big fuss and small reward for each success.

Are you using pull ups? Ditch these. Reusable toilet training pants can be good as they still feel the wet but saves your furniture.

Watch him like a hawk and you will learn his pretoilet cues and be able to step in before an accident.

Mine were younger (not bragging but smaller bums) and toilet with inset seat and stool was better than potty. Modelling toilet use helps then they are copying you.

On trips out we'd investigate all the toilets, did they have nice soap what colour were the tiles, was it toilet roll or sheets to encourage them to try rather than be nervous of new settings.

He obviously is ready as he can hold on for ages!! You just have to persist, definitely use bribery and keep going. Get all the potty training books off Amazon, get a toilet seat for him and NEVER put a nappy on him (only at night). Eventually he will get it although be prepared for lots of accidents. You’ve left it too late if anything as now he’s three he has the ability to hold on and has strong opinions!! But he will get there if you persist and you may have to be quite firm with him.
if he has an accident make him take off his own wet things and so on. Don’t be mean but he can take some responsibility 😊

Nappy off, bare bum and watch him constantly. When you see a sign pop him on the potty (or toilet - my DD2 never had a potty in the day time!) and make the most almighty fuss when he does a wee or poo. It actually took us longer to uncondition DD to receiving Oscar award winning praise every time she toileted than it did to toilet train.

Sit on the toilet/potty every half an hour- reward with smarties/buttons/sweets/whatever they are partial to.

No reaction to accidents- just clear them up and wait for the next one.

Good luck OP. It's harder when they're that little bit older because they get wide to the tricks quicker!

Bribery.

Every time potty is used correctly you get a chocolate button.

He'll get It pretty quickly if he wants something more than the tantrum.

DS ended up gaming the system. He started controlling his bladder so well, he'd do a wee then twenty mins later he'd use it again and then twenty mins later.

My point is, find your child's currency. This is a reward game.

You should use the oh crap method, that really worked for us.

Get one of those toilet seats with handles. Then just sit there with him holding a bribe until he produces something. Then lots of praise!

ok, my approach was to just put underpants on and top have potty in a couple of rooms. Crèche supported there and had usually two or three training together. Lots of talk about big boy pants, no negative reaction to accidents. simple oh oh let’s get you cleaned up.

lots of praise for sitting on potty if they don’t like potty try toilet with seat etc most children’s toilets are made to measure in settings.

are they able to communicate when they want to wee because I don’t know how you start without that key initial stage?

he won't start school/reception until he is 4. He is 3, clearly not ready. Nothing you can do. Nursery (I presume you mean pre-school) will have to deal with it. They cannot refuse him because is isn't potty trained!

It sounds like he is physically ready if he can hold for so long and it sounds like he is being a bit stubborn about it, which says he is probably not emotionally ready. You can help him to be emotionally ready though.

Consistent boundaries, no “giving in” and don’t play up to the refusal- walk off and say when you’ve done a wee you can go and play. You’re not bothered, no fuss, no negotiation.

if he wees or poos he has to change himself and put wet clothes into basket, again no fuss no drama or negotiation. You want it to be annoying to have to do all that, eventually he will realise it’s easier to have a quick wee and go back to play.

rephrase questioning/ statements: “it’s time for a wee now” instead of do you need a wee. “Oh dear wee goes in the toilet not the floor” instead of it doesn’t matter.

Bribery usually works really well for stubbornness! A choc button or a sweet or a sticker, 10 stickers and he gets to choose something?

I had one of these !

I kept trying and people kept saying ' not ready '.

In the end I just kept going. I used the ' oh crap ' method. Bare bottom to start with. I would watch her like a hawk. She also withheld her pee for hours and hours and hours. She'd be in pain, knowing that if she peed it went all over her, which she hated. But she still refused.

Yes, I grabbed her as soon as she'd eventually wet herself and I would hold her on the potty, even if she was upset. I explained ' see if you do it here, you don't get wet '.

I just persisted. I never shouted or was mean about it, but I did force her to sit on the potty until her brain finally made that connection - if I pee here, I don't get wet. I tried this separate times and always went back to nappies.

Until I had enough of it and just stuck with it. She was just under 3 when she finally got it. I knew I could have waited and waited and waited. She was never going to be magically ready if I hadn't persevered. She hated wetting herself and she just needed my support to understand that if she does it in the potty, she's not wetting herself.

Don't give up. Your child is old enough to get it. Something else has crept in. Some kind of fear or something, some sort of resistance.

I potty trained my second child before his 2nd birthday. It's completely possible.

Don't give up and don't listen to this ' not being ready ' stuff.

Also, have a look at the ERIC website. It’s a UK bladder and bowel charity for children and it has some potty training advice, plus you can contact them for advice.

Nursery can help though, presumably? So you do a few days with your annual leave, then they take over, then you're back at it at the weekend.

Mine was extremely resistant. I would take the potty outside if you want to be in the garden (unless you have a downstairs loo?). Then we had a Thomas reward chart with stickers and used chocolate buttons as bribery. It took a full week for him to use the potty by himself, and probably another month to be having less then two accidents per day. I'd say he was reliably trained by 3.5.

I wouldn't wait any longer unless there are additional needs, he's old enough now to get it, you just have to power through. We did also have a carry potty for longer outings in that first year.

You don’t say if this is just wee, but if it’s also #2’s then have a look at the NHS resource Poo Goes To Pooland.

If he’s not toilet trained by the time he starts school what happens? Do the school stop him from attending? Do they expect you to come and clean him up after every accident? He won’t be the only one he hasn’t mastered it so it’s impossible that schools have never encountered this before.