To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

Pants off. If he wants to go out he needs to go on the potty first. Let him tantrum, just keep repeating "I wanna go to the park too, we can't go until you've been on the potty because then you'll have an accident while we're out." Never give in to a tantrum.

Even suggest, let's go to the park, yay that'll be fun, shall we take your bike? Great, let's go for a wee before we go. Take him to the bathroom with you, have a wee, your turn! No we can't go till we've weed. Then just wait. Lock the door or sit against it. "I'm waiting for you to wee so we can go to the park" don't argue or make a big deal, play on your phone and just wait. When he eventually wees don't make a big deal "great, let's go."

Toileting isn't optional, it's not a power play. It's not something to be rewarded. It's a fact of life, you need to go the toilet, end of discussion.

Skip the potty and go straight to the toilet. A reward that will motivate him for when he's had a week no accidents. Raise it with his childcare? Is he in nappies at childcare or pants? If it must be nappies I always say washable nappies lead to toilet training earlier as they can feel they are wet

This has been my experience too. I've trained two children, so I'm not an expert but can see the differences.

1st child, DD. Started really getting serious at 2 and a half. She completely refused to even sit on the potty. Tried 3-4 times, never even got a wee ok the potty. Then around 2 months before her 3rd birthday, I decided that was it. I didn't want her to be 3 and not trained. I just persisted. Forced her to stay on the potty, even if she didn't want to. Sent her to nursery with no nappy. She never had accidents, but just withheld. All day! I was worried she'd get sick etc. but she was ok. Slowly at home, she started being less upset when I would get her to sit on the potty ( as she was peeing ). Then one day, after 2-3 weeks, she just walked across the room and did a wee on the potty. She never had an accident again. Once she realised it was safe. She was scared of it before.

2nd child. DS, had a lot of nappy free bare bottom time at home, from 18 months. The occasional day. He'd have accidents, but was curious about the potty though and not worried to sit on it. He also liked sitting on the toilet and copying his sister. Then one day when he was nearly 2, I took off his nappy and explained he needs to go in the potty. He did a poo on the floor and I showed him the potty again. He then just started doing everything in the potty on his own. No resistance at all. Very different experience. I sent him to nursery after the second day with lots of spare clothes and they just took him to the toilet regularly. Slowly but surely the accidents became fewer. It took longer for him to be completely accident free, compared to DD who was older. He would still have accidents maybe once every two to three weeks for a couple of months, but it was not too bad. DD had no accidents, once she finally ' got it'.

I know when you're in the thick of it, you think they'll never learn. But they will. He will get it ! Best of luck to you.

Since you need it for school and it's usual where you are, I'd make an appointment with your paediatrician and ask their advice.

In terms of what might help just for tips, have you done the Oh Crap thing where you let them be naked (or bottomless) for a whole day and ban yourself from your phone and spend the day watching and observing their potty "tells"?

Then big praise if you manage to catch anything and maybe a sticker chart with a prize at the end of it. However pressure can definitely backfire.

Toilet seat reducer instead of a potty, stool, taking them to a shop to choose their own pants, and a poo jar (bribery).

My son is autistic (as am I) and a chronic withholder. Not long after he turned 3 we went cold turkey with no nappies and lots of cleaning up. Key thing is we found he hated the potty but we did convince him to use the toilet. At first we would prompt him every few minutes if he needed to go or would put him on. We had a jar with tokens that we would exchange for a toy if he filled it. We still use it now for night time training. We continued to have accidents for a while (and still do occasionally at 5) but that's ok. He very rarely has accidents at school as the teachers constantly make sure the kids go regularly.

Naked waist down inside. Stay in as much as possible. Outside loose trousers no pants.

You have had good advice, mine would be you need to relax and stop worrying. If he feels your stress then he will be more resistant. Go back to easy and breezy, lots of praise, lots of treats etc. you do have time.

OP my ds was like this and didn't potty train until over 3.

I ended up bribing him. He got a sticker every time he used the toilet. When he went the whole day without an accident, he got a particular toy he'd been hankering for. He earned the toy within 3 days.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom he will soon copy the other children at school once he realises that all the other kids use the toilet. Unfortunately, you may have to rely on him feeling peer pressure to understand how important it is.

Why?

He's only 3 so what sort of school are we talking about? Nursery?

And if state I don't think they can refuse to have him?

I think you do just have to keep going with it no matter what because it is sometimes really hard. They won't always become ready in a way that makes it a pleasant and easy experience.

Mine weren't happy about it, completely refused potties at first and I was cleaning up a lot. I had to keep saying to myself "do you really want to deal with another of their shitty nappies?" and keep going until it started to click.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom so maybe he's just having a bad day or two. It sounds promising that he did manage before.

He WILL get this. Get it into your mind as well.

Regarding nursery, will they also try with him?

You need to keep going now. He does not wear nappies anymore. Throw them out, show him.

You will deal with the consequences of not wearing nappies, from this day forward. Take spare clothes everywhere you go and just KEEP going. He will get it.

It's like anything else, he needs to learn. I used to say that to my DD. Don't worry, it takes time to learn new things. You wouldn't give up teaching him to ride a bike, just because he didn't learn in a week.

@AsMuchAsICanTellYou ODFOD

Agree! Buy lots of cheap toys, sets you can split up/charity shops etc, maybe a couple of "better" things. Wrap up, put in a box, show him. These are potty presents! How exciting! He can choose one when he wees or poos on the potty (toilet) - what lucky boy! Engineer his choice so he gets a good one for the first couple of goes to get him into it. If he wets himself instead no problem, you don't care, you're blasé about the whole thing. No pressure.

This is a very useful website, eric.org.uk I know you're not in the UK but for anyone else interested they also have a helpline.

You can't stop once you start. Think his confusing that would be! If you're going to your in-laws for lunch you continue potty training there, and if he has an accident you deal with it. If their house is all carpets just don't go until he's trained.

It sounds like he can do it and is ready, he's just being stubborn. It's tough, but you have to just get on with it.

Disagree with this tbh.

DS just wasn't interested first time round.

Second time round it was ultimately a doddle after initial resistance.

Not needed to do this myself, but have seen people suggest it when desperate! Buy a big box of small parts toys that he’ll love (Lego or magnatiles type thing) and put it somewhere he can see but not reach. Give him one piece each time he uses the potty.
As others have said, when he does have an accident don’t say “that’s okay” but rather “oh dear, pees go in the potty/toilet”.

How can it be both compulsory but, at the same time, he can’t go unless he’s potty trained?

If he can hold on for hours, then he definitely has the control to be ready, butI think it has become too much of a battle with both of you becoming totally stressed. Being determined to be done by Tuesday is just adding to the stress. Though it must be doubly difficult if the nursery isn’t helping.

I think he is quite old to be using a potty, so could you encourage him to wee in the toilet standing up like daddy. I would advise not having another stand off like not playing outside. Surely you could have taken the potty outside with you.

Carrot and stick both have their place in parenting.

Too much of either is a bad thing.

I completely disagree that it's lazy. It's a tool that's useful in the appropriate situation. Bribery is not a bad thing, it's a neutral thing. Use it too much and it does become a problem but it's not an issue if used in moderation (like anything)

Kindly, that high horse you sit on, can ride off into the distance. It's unhelpful.

DS does not still get chocolate buttons strangely. We discontinued that once he got the principle (and started to abuse it!) by which time he'd realised that potty wasnt a big deal and was normal.

He has survived. We have survived.

We say no to him more than most and we aren't afraid to be the mean parents where appropriate.

The point is balance.

We started training our son a week after his third birthday, after previous resistance, and he got it in two days.
I bought him a giant duplo set that he had wanted and placed it where he couldn’t reach it, but could see it prominently in the living room, and told him once he had done 10 wees and 5 poos on the toilet, it was his - in the end he was deliberately skulling water to wee again 🤣 but then the pattern was formed.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom put him in loose trousers with no underwear then. When you go outside.

Has he ever done a wee/ poo in the potty or toilet ?

It took me ages to catch my DD at the right time. But they do show little signs of needing to go.

So I would try bare bottom when you're in. Then, tell him to sit on the potty ( if he will ) before you go out. If he refuses, make him sit.

Then once out, I would bring the potty and watch him closely and sit him on it, when you see signs. Also periodically.

I know it's not nice, but it has ti be done.

Don't force him to stay inside for potty training. That creates a negative experience. Your best opportunity is when you're inside. So watch him like a hawk and force him to sit whenever you see signs / or catch him going.