To ask how to potty train a resistant 3 year old?

My DD has SEN so I know it’s slightly different but I remember the pressure once she had turned 3 very well! Maybe I’m in the minority but I hate that ‘Oh Crap’ book. To be honest DD is very stubborn & preschool really helped us in terms of reinforcing potty training there. There is lots of good advice on here but I’m hoping the school would assist with it despite what they say. In my daughter’s reception class at age 4 children were regularly still having accidents & needing support.

Ok so it sounds like you're very stressed over this & I don't blame you. Im a childminder for over 24 years so I've trained many many children including my own 2.
Here's what I would do;
I would leave it for now. Because your stress is causing him to be stressed & that's not helping anyone.
Sporadically mention the potty over the summer. But not so much that he feels under pressure. Keep him in nappies.
Explain to him that when he starts school it will have to be in a pull up & all his friends will be in big boy pants. If he's not bothered by that then fine. Let him start school in the pull ups. I guarantee by Christmas he'll want to use the potty/toilet like his friends. Nothing like a bit of peer pressure.
The school can't stop him starting there so take a breath & stop beating yourself up over it.
I know that's easier said than done.

Why does it matter if he pees while you're out? Take a bag full of clothes for changes and nappy bags for dirty clothes. There will be lots of accidents and maybe it'll be a few months before he cracks it, but he'll get there :)

We used to have to run into Primark with my DD covered in pee all the time 😂

I'd consider skipping to the commando stage especially with boys. My DS while doing the bare bottom stage would just wait until no one was looking and then wee on the floor. He didn't make any progress until he was wetting his trousers. Definitely have a pile of clothes and wipes to hand wherever you go.

In your situation you need to make using the toilet more attractive to him than having an accident/using a nappy. How you do that will depend on what motivation works best for the individual child. A lucky dip box of treats, sweets, stickers basically whatever it takes to lure him into trying. At the same time making changes and cleaning up accidents as boring as possible. No punishment, no crossness just boring and time consuming. Staying in is usually easier bur if you can't then you still have to have the same approach. Take treats and spare clothes with you. A plastic bag and towel if you are worried about accidents in the car or on chairs. Good luck

I would let him be wet for a minute each time so he feels how uncomfortable it is.

A minute? Mine couldn’t have cared less. Wet himself and carried on playing!

I never used bribery either, but you’re the one who claims to be the better parent and not using lazy techniques, so the least you could do is impart some of your wisdom! Anything less looks like laziness!

(Oh, and when she’d finished the box she got a trip to the farm park with ice creams for everyone. That’s how I’m not still having to give her hot wheels cars 10 years later)

Bribery

bigtime bribery. I got a shoebox filled with little prizes - the sorts of stuff you’d get in a party bag, hot wheels cars, bouncy balls, shiny stickers. Every time dd successfully used the potty or loo she’d get a prize.

We also had an all-or-nothing point when the nappies “ran out” but I had some lovely pants with Peppa Pig on that I needed her to wear instead.

good luck

Would it even be mumsnet if someone didn’t bring up those pesky fat people on a totally unrelated thread 😂

Ok I did this - almost the exact same timeframe except mine turned 3 in July and school September. It's stressful so I feel you. Let me ask some questions if I can before making suggestions

What is he into? His favourite things/toys to play with

Have you tried standing wees?

Favourite foods (as in treats he doesn't get a lot of)

Have you ever had a successful wee on the toilet/potty?

How is he verbally/his understanding of words etc?

Does he understand when he has weed/pooed himself? In nappy or pants does he tell you or just ignore and carry on

Is he generally demand avoidant?

I 100% agree. Worked amazingly for my toddler. They have specific chapters for older than 3 year olds and I read it and then reread it every time I got disheartened. She mostly got it in a week and it took 3 for her to be completely fine. She warns that 3+ years old is harder so at least it's realistic and I found it comforting.

My children are in their late teens. Had to be trained to school.
i used a variety of methods.
Bare bottom half for 2-3 days. Watching them like a hawk. Mine loved to wee into a bottle.
1 likes the toilet and the other didn’t,
we went out together to choose big boy pants and a potty.
Mr poo goes to poo land was very helpful with one child. We would read it while sat on toilet/potty. Talk about where pop/wee would go and say goodbye to poo/wee.
If he really isn’t ready then leave it for a week or 2. Go back to nappies and then try again.
The most success ful for me was the bare bottom half method. The fresh air and lack of cover just seemed to help raise the awareness level.
Smarties for sitting on potty/toilet and also for producing something in potty/toilet.
Watching Daddy do wees/poos in toilet and talking about this together.
He will get there but if he is strong willed and sees he gets attention - any attention - it will likely be much more challenging.

Your biggest problem sounds like the fact you’ve started and stopped so many times before. I know you can’t go back in time! But it’s probably going to take him a while to accept using the toilet because it’s more hassle than going whenever/wherever he wants and every time he’s shown resistance you’ve given in and allowed him to go back to nappies. So you’re stuck in a classic battle of wills that he thinks he’ll win by kicking up a fuss.

Do you have the huggies bedtime pull ups or pyjama pants in your country? I would get these because the packaging is very obviously only for bed and chuck out all the nappies. Because big boys don’t wear nappies. I wouldn’t let the fact that he’s distressed deter you either, he’s probably just annoyed he’s not getting his own way.

And yes I potty trained DD in a flat during lockdown. And DS in a house but with a tiny courtyard garden. So no running around naked in the garden for us either! I said we go for a wee before we go out and we waited. DD took 2 days!!

He has to realise you’re serious and you mean it this time. But it’s doable, of course it is.

None of our under 3s wanted to use the potty just before they turned 2 got a toilet seat and there all very happy to use it and tell us when they need to go. Only nappies for bed now