To think DH should look harder for work?

if he loves fitness that much he should consider retraining for a fitness career (online?) and working as a leisure centre receptionist while in training, so he can get his face seen and build confidence.

Are you scared of him OP? Because I can't believe you haven't handed him his lazy arse on a plate a couple of months after he left his job!!! He needs to step up or step out of the marriage. There is no way, I could have sex with a man like this. Or even be in a room with him without losing my shit.

So your DH is a stay at home dad that doesn't do any housework or cooking, spends all day doing what he wants, and whose idea of parenting is to stick your 5 year old in front of a screen?

I appreciate you say you love him but I would be very resentful of someone like that. He seems to be treating you like his mum and him taking the roll of a teenager!

Yes. He’s got too comfortable.

Who exercises five hours a day, every day (golf?).

You need to take the bull by the horns and be proactive. Sit down with him, write his cv, apply for jobs etc. it’s a horrible process and can be daunting. If he hasn’t got much current experience, send him to the nearest charity shop to volunteer and get retail experience.

Oh my god, how do you have any love or respect left for this useless, selfish, awful-parent manchild?!

Good grief.
If it were me I would be giving him an ultimatum, he has two weeks to get the house spotless and the garden fit for Alan Titchmarsh to inspect or he can fuck off.
I would also expect an evening meal of a decent standard prepared for us all to eat in the evening, all washing, ironing and homework for DC to be taken care of. I would also ensure he was the default number for school to send all information to/call when DC is sick (I definitely wouldn't be using my precious AL when DC is home sick, that is what the SAHP is for, he can suck it up.)
He wants the privilege of being a SAHP (more time to himself, no boss breathing down his neck, no set routine etc) without fulfilling any of the role. I would be telling him as of now he can shape up or ship out.

Get rid of him while you are young.

My friend was in a similar situation and when she kicked him out in her 50's she had to give him half of her pension. He has since received an inheritance so he's still sitting pretty and she's still working hard.

There is no reason for anyone to be unemployed. FGS we imported 1million people last year and still have low unemployment. The problem now is aside from his old industry dying, that is probably largely irrelevant as 5 years out and he is very deskilled.

There is no shortage of job, just not what he wants but time he sucked it up and started rebuilding his skills, even if he starts shelf stacking!

I just couldn't have any respect for someone like him when. He isn't a SAHP. He is just bloody lazy. Time you shoved the coffee under his nose and he started smelling it!

You must be a saint putting up with this

That is some loser you are with.
He retired 5 years ago, but just didn't mention it to you.
This is not normal but if you want to be a mug and put up with it, crack on.
You deserve better.

This is absolutely nuts! He needs to either treat being a SAHP as a full time job or get his own job. Also, he'll have no pension? So no matter how much you earn he should have at least a part time job to provide for his future (if not for the family). I also have bad anxiety and have had therapy and medication so I can get jobs and provide for myself. Would he consider that?

They generally keep the house clean and do activities with the DCs.

This is shocking, OP.

Your husband doesn't work. He isn't bringing anything to the table financially. He isn't applying for jobs.

He should be doing 100% of school pick ups and drop offs, covering all the holidays and sick days, and doing the majority of the housework.

He is bringing pretty much nothing to the table and he doesn't even seem to be appreciative of you facilitating his lifestyle. He's an awful husband and an awful dad and you would be miles better off without him.

It does sound like he is depressed, but fuck, you only have one life, OP. Do you really want to waste it on this man?

Do not have another child OP.

On paper he's the primary parent, so would get residency. It isn't as easy as leaving. You need to sit down and work out a plan now your DS is at school. Make a list of what you need to improve in the house. Then make one of what you think needs to improve for your DS, interaction/less screens etc. If he won't step up and If possible, then he gets less spending money because you need to employ cleaner/gardener/DIY people.

You seem very accepting and accommodating OP.

If he's so into exercise could he make that a job? Get fitness qualifications and work in a gym or as a PT? Combine what he loves with work.

Maybe because he's not pulling his weight in the house either. He's getting a free ride at OP's expense

I don't think I could be with him. what is he adding to your life?

When dd was 13 and she did school French student exchange we had to drop off another French dc at a pupils house who dd knew but not particularly friends with.
The df had stopped working a few years prior, not sure why, the dm, like you, worked full time.
The house was dirty and untidy. I felt so awful leaving that French student there.
i know I was judgmental that day. I still am.
Your dh needs to work and you can get a cleaner or keep the house properly.
Your ds will be judged on the state of your home.

Fwiw the job would be a secondaryissue for me.
The fact is he form what you have written he is a poor, low effort, thoughtless and self-absorbed father and husband.

If he wants to spend all day on a tread mill and the rest of the time either divorced from family life with earphones plugged in OR boring them to death with niche conversation topics, id be clearly telling him he could fuck off and do it somewhere else

Where is your anger OP????

As many others have said, it sounds like you have a very uneven split. Anxiety is truly awful and can be debilitating - is he getting any help and support for it?

The reality is, if you weren't there, he would probably have to work! But he has you, so he doesn't need to. As you've rightly said, something needs to change. He either steps up and contributes to the household meaningfully by cleaning the house and gardening (all of which can be done while listening to music) or looks for a job, even WFH.

Also, a good gardening project (whether he thinks it or not) is brilliant exercise and also very good for mental health. And if he wants to pave it over, then he could equally learn how to do that.

Time for another tough talk but this time, you want an action plan.

He needs to get a job, any job just to get back into the routine, earn some money, meet people and more importantly, make a positive contribution to your family & life.

I cant believe you have a good marriage based on your post. You want viewpoints on should you really have to discuss whatever shitty true crime netflix show he watched? That isnt the issue.

His terminal failure to contribute since he became a father is

and Jesus wouldnt we all want his life????
4-5 hours exercising per day is laughably ridiculous

Weeding is exercising.
Cleaning is exercising.
Home maintenance is exercising.

You have let this go on FAR too long.
I'd be having a sit down and saying i NEED to see change NOW.
Andrhen follow through and start making his life hard.

I am amazed you would go along with him doing this. I couldnt respect let alone sleep with my dh if he did this and after 5 years i imagine he'd have killed virtually any love i had for him.

Divorce is a poor option as you will be financially screwed (SAHP my arse) so you need to improve your lot.

As an example The ipad at mealtimes needs knocking on the head. It poor quality shitty behaviour i cant even describe as parenting.

Stop accepting the piss poor standards he offers.
Set a decent bar and insist he meets it.

edit
The bar would include paid employment.
Re he doesnt care about the garden - so fucking what? I do a thousand things per day i dont really give a shit about becausey dh does, my kids do or because its part of adulting.
Does he not give a shit your child might actually like a nice garden or YOU might enjoy a nice garde ???

Both parties have to agree and be happy with the situation. OP is not.