Short version: One of the diamonds has fallen out of my engagement ring. DH says we can't afford to fix it as we're trying to save (which we are). AIBU?
Long version: When we got engaged DH gave me a beautiful, old engagement right that belonged to his grandmother and her mother before that. It''s the nost special object I've ever had.
A couple of years after we got married, one of the diamonds fell out. We searched and searched but couldn't find the stone. That was 5 years ago. Since then, it has been sat in a box in my dresser.
We have been very hard up for most of our marriage, so I could understand not getting it fixed. Diamonds are hardly a priority when you're struggling to pay the bills. In the last 12 months things have been much better, largely down to me going back to uni through the pandemic, acing it whilst also homeschooling our young son when schools were shut, working my arse off since I qualified and almost doubling my salary in the last 2 years (it was low to begin with so not that much by mumsnet standards but still a big achievement).
DH earns barely above minimum wage in a skilled job that he adores and is brilliant at, but is in a v low paid industry. Whenever we've had conversations about money, his job has never been a thing he is willing to consider changing. He will always be a low earner, and any change to our circumstances will have to fall to me, hence my recent career decisions. I, on the other hand, am often criticised for 'spending' - even kids shoes that fit properly or kids clothes (or my own) that are not second hand are seen as self indulgent and wasteful. I've felt some resentment towards him because of this over the years, though now I just accept it, and can see a benefit to one of us not being massively stressed by huge responsibilities all the time. He's a very playful, present father to our DS. He's also very careful with money, organised and disciplined, which I'm grateful for. He is definitely a 'save until you can afford it' person. He consideres any (0% interest) credit card debt, or overdraft debt, however small, as a sign of trouble and would rather eat beans and not go on holiday and pay it off straight away, than accept a small amount and paying it down slowly and affordably. We have a 2.5k loan we used towards the cost of a vehicle last year, and about £500 in cc debt. We have no other debts, mortgage, car loans etc whatsoever.
I recently had a pay rise that equated to about a 20% increase. We agreed we would live as we currently do for the next 6 months, pay everything off and save more towards the deposit for a house (currently renting). I suggested we could look into the cost of getting my ring fixed and maybe do that too, as a kind of treat and gift to myself having worked to hard to get here. Today we found out that it would cost about £230. DH refuses to do it. We need to save the money / pay off things first, it's not a priority, no one needs a ring. Generally when it comes to money, what he says goes.
Now, I don't want a ring fixed with reluctance and resentment on my wedding finger, so I've had to drop it. But I feel a bit hurt tbh. More than I'd like the ring to be able to wear again, I'd like DH to feel proud of me, and grateful for how hard I've worked, and sad that I've not worn the ring he gave me when he proposed for the last 5 years, and for him to want to get it fixed too. He just doesn't really care that much.
I said "what if I could find the money somehow, maybe sell a few things?" (clothes, old kids stuff etc) and he replied "then that money should so into the pot, not get spent on stuff we don't need". So even as the higher earner, by some margin, I lack the agency to make this decision.
He says we'll fix it one day. When is it ever going to be a priority? I look at my wedding finger and feel a bit sad. The ring sits in a box. How old will I be before I can wear it again? What's the point of it if I can't?
I don't know. Sorry for the long post over a totally 1st world problem. It's not the ring, it's his attitude. Is he being tight fisted and mean, or AIBU?