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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving DCs to work abroad

63 replies

Doratheantiexplorer · 15/06/2024 21:11

DSis has the opportunity to work abroad for 4 months. Her motivation is the money although she’s not short of it, we both got a fairly large inheritance from grandparents recently. It would mean her leaving behind DCs aged 18 months, 4 and 6, there isn’t any opportunity to return to the UK in that time due to the long flight. DCs will be looked after by my DM and they see their father once per week.

AIBU to not understand how she can contemplate doing this? Would you be able to leave your DCs that length of time? I wouldn’t be able to do it not sure if Im just not tough enough! It also seems a burden to put on DM who is in her mid seventies and I think she hasn’t been given much of a choice.

OP posts:
Chocolate747 · 15/06/2024 22:09

Not a chance would I even consider doing that unless I was absolutely dependent on the money to feed/house my kids. She sounds very selfish (and I’d say exactly the same about a father who wanted to bugger off abroad for 4 months for the same reason). Your DM does have a choice and in your position I’d be supporting her to stand her ground if she doesn’t want to do it!

BIWI · 15/06/2024 22:09

I thought from the tone of your post you were going to say she was going to be away for 2-3 years! It's only four months. And it's all very well for you to say that she doesn't need the money, but how do you know? If, as it sounds like, she's on her own (seeing as you've said the DC will only see their father once a week), she may well need to earn more money.

PenelopeBridgerton · 15/06/2024 22:08

What does she do? I probably wouldn't have done it, but I can see why for a one off 16 weeks and a massive monetary gain it's quite an attractive prospect. Assuming they have their dad it's not going to impact them massively in the grand scheme of things.

Serendity · 15/06/2024 22:06

Your mum has a choice in whether she has a choice IYSWIM. She CAN say she can't do it. It's far too big a thing to take on just because you are too polite or scared to say no.

Butchyrestingface · 15/06/2024 22:06

Insane to be leaving three kids of that age with a woman in her 70s. My mum, who appeared to be in peak physical condition, dropped dead at a similar age without warning.

I feel sorry for the kids and your mum. I suppose she feels unable to say no. Sad

PuttingDownRoots · 15/06/2024 22:05

To add... DH ,(army) was away when DD was 15 months to 22 months, with a two weeks break in the middle. Although she doesn't remember that now... she had no idea who her daddy was when he got home. It took a while to get her to trust him.

Globetrote · 15/06/2024 22:05

Well I couldn’t do it but some do, but as pp said the DC would usually be with the other parent.

Your DSis needs to find a plan B for who looks after her DC as your mum is highly likely to start to struggle within a couple of days of taking on three children, no matter how fit and capable she thinks she is. Is there a reason why their DF cant have them?

PuttingDownRoots · 15/06/2024 22:02

Its a big burden to put on the grandmother. Many parents do work away, but the children are with their other parent.

K37529 · 15/06/2024 21:59

Ynbu. Kids are far too young, how do you explain to an 18 month old baby mums going to be gone for 4 months? And your poor mum, that’s too much to expect from her.

Testina · 15/06/2024 21:15

There are plenty of cultures where parents work away from their children for extended periods with no detriment to the children. In this country, military parents are deployed.

It’s not a hard no as an idea from me, though I wouldn’t - and I regularly worked 4 nights away from mine at those ages. But in principle, I wouldn’t judge someone if the opportunity was right for them, and their specific children and situation was OK.

The big question for me here though, is why are they only seeing their father once a week?

Crabble · 15/06/2024 21:14

No I wouldn’t, especially if it meant they wouldn’t be with their other parent either (why can’t their father do it, out of interest?)

Astonished she asked your mother to do this, and even more astonished she has agreed.

cherish123 · 15/06/2024 21:13

Yanbu
Surely their DF should be looking after them, not Granny.

TruthorDie · 15/06/2024 21:12

What about their father? Where is he?

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