DH threw sentimental toys away

Jesus. You're understanding.

Maybe sell Disney the plot to this epic tale

When it comes to your items, it’s amazing that you at least got your bear back, with its vital connection to your miscarried child. We do form attachments to items, and maybe one day they will be of no importance to future generations, or maybe they will if they have stories attached that are passed down, but in the here and now they help us remember things.

But OP, there is also great importance in our loved ones who are with us right now, and they can vanish in the blink of an eye, forever, we all do at some point, we will be dead, for eternity and none of this would have ever mattered.

I can tell from your long messages about him that you both think the world of each other, but your saying you would like to smash him over the head with a brick, something in many posts I’ve seen would have everyone suggesting the police are informed. You’re making him sleep on the sofa, giving him the cold shoulder, something I’ve seen described on here as abuse. He converted religion for you, including a very big operation as part of that, he protected you from aggression from your ex, loves you like a big dopey Labrador, you defend what he’s done to everyone on here, so let him back in now, love him while he’s still around. Obviously explain the importance of things, but also remember it’s the people and memories that are most important, because everything eventually goes to landfill, including us!

Even aside from the bag of treasured toys, the going in her desk drawer and chucking her document folder away reminds me of another heart-breaking thread from a while ago. OP and her DH had gone on holiday and (in hindsight, against their better judgment) had given his mother a key and asked her to water the plants, feed the cat or similar (I can't quite remember).

That nasty woman took it on herself to snoop through the wardrobe and found a small box buried at the back belonging to OP containing precious old photos, cards and other mementoes of her life, including some of loved family members who had since passed on.

She threw them all in the bin, the day before it was collected, and quite some time before they were due to return from their holiday, so not possibly findable in any busy tip/waste facility.

Her excuse was that she was 'tidying up and helping them to get rid of some old clutter'. Evil cow; just what could drive somebody to be so cruel, deliberately hurtful and abusive for no reason whatsoever?

Yes, this is a bit like the 'she divorced me for leaving a dirty coffee cup on the side' scenario.

It's not the action of physically picking up the bag of toys (and all of the other wanted items belonging to OP that he's chucked) and taking it to the tip - it's the whole arrogant mindset that led him to believe he had the right to and actually do it:

He presumes to have control over her belongings

She can't treat her own home as a safe space where her possessions are respected

He ignores her when she specifically tells him "I want to keep this bag that I've temporarily stored in the unused shower room"

I wouldn't care that he does it with his own stuff; that's his look-out - but being stupid with your own things does not in any way excuse you deciding to extend that stupidity to other people and their things.

@EnglishBluebell , The problem with the DH of the OP is that he has disposed of many things in the past. He does not acknowledge that he is at fault and yet is very possessive of his property.
He only looks at the 'practical', he refuses to value anything sentimental or abstract like memories and fondness.
He is a repeat offender without remorse or respect for his wife's feelings. So what about his vows?
Many of us are worried that his behaviour is deliberately controlling and how this attitude will affect his children as they grow up.

You're suggesting OP DIVORCES her DH because he threw something sentimental away? Jesus Christ.

Do people really disregard their marriage vows so easily????

How is a charity shop meant to sell defaced toys?

OP, I know bin locks primarily exist to stop strangers from filling our bins with their rubbish/dog poo and to prevent wild animals from getting in and leaving a trail of devastation, but could you maybe get one of these for each of your wheelie bins (excepting maybe your garden waste bin, if you have one!)?

Ones that actually lock with a key and not just gravity - then only unlock them when you take the rubbish out and put them out for collection?

Also DH is taking a lot of blame, the toys were already old and further destroyed a month ago by a 3 year old. Perhaps op should divorce her son too? If they were so important surely they would be locked away somewhere safe?

What a ridiculous thing to say: holding a 3yo to the same standards of cognitive skills as an adult. He did damage them slightly, but hopefully they could be restored....... and he is 3.

You should not have to lock things away in your own house to protect them from your spouse.

I presume you never go to museums - and don't understand why they even exist? They are full of old things that are considered highly significant, even though they are frequently showing signs of severe damage, deterioration or fragmentation.

We may not have the original Rosetta Stone or a priceless Ming vase from centuries ago in our individual homes, but most of us collect and keep a few items that are very special and precious to us - our own personal 'miniature museums' of our lives - regardless of their monetary value, state of repair or interest to anybody else.

I think your DH might be autistic. I've read all your posts and it sticks out pretty clearly.
I hope you can both work through this, best of luck

So glad that your lovely bear is safe, OP. How crazy that a 3yo was able to protect it from a grown adult.

You can't trust him. How can you continue the marriage? I'm so sorry, how painful 😥

He sounds like a twat.

Topic of the thread aside he should be giving them to a local charity shop and not putting them into landfill.

I'm still so sad about your lovely toys but so happy you have your bear back x

Yes I agree I've thought the same throughout the thread

OMG @VSadMum . I just read your update and it actually made me cry (the first time anyone’s post has done that). Until then I was so angry with your DH that I wanted to rip his throat out myself, but your update showed that he’s an amazing man…..just with an annoying trait. He converted to Judaism and learned another language for you, that’s so lovely. I’m still cross that he threw your stuff away though.

Glad you found your bear. The bear and toy story is heartbreaking and I see he is neurodiveese but this isn't an excuse and neurodiverse people, functioning neurodiverse people, can be made to see things too... Apart from family stuff, He needs to not touch your things anymore! I'm annoyed for you also about your perfumes, makeup . What the hell?! My dh doesn't even know where my stuff would be, or it's called, let alone going through my things and deciding by himself to throw them. Why would he not let your stuff be your stuff, or at least ask you before throwing things away? It'd absolutely drive me mad and I'd have a really serious this isn't working conversation with him. Make it extremely serious. Like divorce papers on the way if you continue behaving like this serious.

I am glad to hear that your bear was found. People have suggested various reasons for his behaviour and ways to manage it, but ultimately, you’ve got to look after your well-being. Please maintain firm boundaries with him.

And walk away if it isn’t working for you. I spent years with someone who did things like this (not the same but a similar level of seriousness). They were neurodiverse. I maintained firm boundaries for my own well-being. But ultimately, it was a tiring way to live and it eroded my love for them.

Yes when you described your DH earlier his lack of empathy and poor social skills screamed autism at me too.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/signs/adults/

https://www.additudemag.com/autism-spectrum-disorder-in-adults/

Op I doubt it will help but it might a tiny bit once you are past some of the anger and upset that this has been done to you. I also like to keep special things. I read an article ages ago after I broke something that was a gift from now passed grandparents. It said a lot of things but the thing that stuck for me was (paraphrasing as no idea where I resd it to actually quote!) "these things are not them. No longer having them does not change your love or memories. You only need to grieve for the item you no longer have, nothing else has changed". I found it helped me reframe and helped a bit.

Do you think your husband might be able to work with an out box for things that can go in the garage or shed or something? You're both allowed to put things in it but things only come out of it to leave the house with both of you present?

I'm so happy the bear is safe.

Your H should actually be offering to go to the Dr for himself tbh. It does sound like he might be ND. But equally, this isn't the first time you have clearly told him to leave your stuff either.

Ok really your dh sounds amazing but he definitely sounds ND. I hope you bith can get past this.

So so glad it's been found. Bless the bairn man.

Horrible day it's been for you OP. Take it easy.