Reception new starters WhatsApp group

Apart from those other parents of children with SEND, I'm surprised there are so many parents so confident that you must say anything. It's up to you OP and needs to be a decision you are comfortable with. There are times when things would be simpler if parents were aware of children's diagnoses; equally I understand it's sharing private information and that's a big decision. I also think the overall tone of the thread is that you're sharing something negative and that's not necessarily true either.

Oh, and our WhatsApp has been used for invitations for class parties. I'd just join and you can always leave and mute it. Not all are the disasters some posters are making out. My real life is a hell of a lot less dramatic than some MNers seem to constantly experience.

I like what strawberryjeans suggested too. If you are unsure, wait and access the situation.

A mum in our class has been very open about her son having autism. He struggles socially and I’ve made a huge effort to ensure that my son has some understanding of him and I always ensure he’s included in birthday party invites ect…

Wait until you get to know people before you start sharing your son's private business with them. With how ignorant people can be, it might just set him up for failure from the start.

I really love what StrawberryJeans put. If I, as a parent, read that, I would instantly warm to that person for keeping their introduction friendly, open and positive.
I work in Primary with several ASD children and each one is very different with hugely differing needs. In my experience, the rest of the class are so accepting, even very young children are capable of recognising differences and making adjustments and allowances.
If you are open from the start, the parents are more prepared to have a conversation with their own children if they do happen to come home saying there's someone who's being a bit 'naughty'

If it will make you feel less anxious to say something, then say something, I doubt it will do any harm, and most people are accepting. For the ones that aren't, I don't think there's a perfect way to handle things that will make it all okay, to be honest.

I think if it were me, I would treat it like something like asthma though- I wouldn't feel the need to make a big announcement, but obviously I would tell parents as and when it was relevant e.g. before a playdate or birthday party if I thought it would be a problem. That might include something like "I don't think Johnny can come to the party at the farm as it would trigger his asthma" or "Johnny would love to come to play football, would it be okay to leave an inhaler with you or another adult who is staying as he may need it". Some people may also notice and figure it out without you telling them, which is not a bad thing.

I get that it's not necessarily so obvious, but if he has a 1:1 and a part time timetable, then people will know there's something- but you don't have to tell them what until you're ready/comfortable.

God no, don’t announce it to a bunch of strangers! It’s only one aspect of who he is — don’t make it the defining one so early on. Let him settle in and make friends, and if his autism is relevant to a particular situation (eg at a playdate the hosting parents may need to know if he has sensory issues around food) you can inform people as needed. There may be a couple of people in the group who are clued up about autism but there’s still an awful lot of ignorance about it, so I’d tread carefully. I’d suggest speaking to his teacher about how best to deal with any questions other kids might have about your DS, eg the fact he has 1:1, may have meltdowns, etc. Most of my autistic DD’s teachers have been good at this, but we had one who basically told her classmates she wasn’t like them and needed them all to help her, which she found immensely patronising and embarrassing.
As an aside, well done for getting an EHCP sorted so early!

Unless it’s a very small class, it’s almost certain that he won’t be the only neurodivergent child although some may be undiagnosed and their parents still unaware.

There are lots of neurotypical children who fidget and struggle in Reception purely because they are still so young and undeveloped.

What are your concerns about his behaviour with others? Is he prone to lashing out and having meltdowns or is it more likely he will have shutdowns and take himself away from a situation he isn’t comfortable in? If it’s the former, you might as well give those in the class the heads up because the parents will very quickly hear things and it gives them a chance to explain how some children find certain situations more difficult it’ll and overwhelming than others.

Don't say anything at this stage. When the party invites come out if your son needs accomodations discuss it with the parents on a 1:1 need to know basis. The kids won't care about his diagnosis which in turn means the parents won't care.

That's so sweet. Lots of DC are like that, which is lovely.

I don't think I've spent more than a few hours on the class WhatsApp group in the whole time mine were at Primary. What is there to waste all this time on?? Do they have swimming tomorrow? Yes, they are starting this week! Has anyone picked up Ella's jumper by mistake? So sorry, yes, Macey brought it home! Very useful, imo.

Don't worry. There is a lovely autistic boy in DD's class and she's said to me once "James is special and we all look after him". Teachers will help your DS settle and be inclusive and chat to the children, in a way that is gentle and positive.

You will also get to meet other parents with additional needs; there will also probably be talks specifically also, so I would take it very slowly and not rush into disclosing your personal info. Just be kind to others when you meet them and talk to your DS as you normally would.

Have you considered doing him a social story?

Picture of the school
Picture of the classroom
Picture of the teacher
Picture of where to hang coat or put bag

This school made one. It might give you an idea and help him with the transition.

https://hawthornden.mgfl.net/a-social-story-for-starting-primary-1/

No, don't share your child's private medical information with a group of strangers.

We have a boy with 1:1 in our class, no idea why. His mother has never said anything and I've never asked because it's not relevant to me at all. I recently had to advise a party that we'd have a child whose parent would accompany them and the party planner asked why and I realised I have no idea why or what his diagnosis is. But it's really nothing to do with me. My ds knows he has 1:1 and needs help in school and will leave the class when he needs to and has different rules to the rest and has never asked why he's just accepted it. There's another boy with autism who's mother I'm friendly with and she's shared his diagnosis but again it's not really relevant to me other than in a support capacity as a friend to her. Some kids names constantly come up with being "naughty" and getting in trouble with teacher but as a parent I wouldn't assume anything about them.

I can’t agree more. I have no idea why this would be an advantage to any parent of a child this age. Generally there’s no need to get everyone into your pocket. The school will keep you up to date.

the only one I’ve ever been part of was the parents organising the leavers party. I knew none of them.

none of them needed to know my daughters diagnosis’ . Bugger all to do with them

This was me last year, I didn't say anything.

I've only mentioned when speaking at gates or parties and similar has came into conversation

Personally, I wouldn’t. My little one has a significant medical condition, for which he also has an EHCP, but I’m determined not to make it that that is the prevailing fact that he is known for.
It will come in time I’m sure, but he deserves to be known for all his other amazing attributes, not labelled as ‘oh, yes, that X, he’s the one with Y need’. No one will mean to be so blunt, but with so many names and new faces, it will happen.
Give it time, let him identify a little group, share when you feel comfortable with the other parents.

I feel so nervous about him starting school and how it’s all going to go for him
This is natural but the best thing to do is to focus on staying calm and not focus on things you can't control.

As awful as it is to say - some of the other parents could be absolute shockers.

Your DS might manage school fine or might find it very tough.

You can't control it, you'll have to respond to what happens

Depends what it is, and whether it impacts on other children. Are there any aggressive behaviours?

The children will be a wide range of ages, some may not even be 4 yet, and display behaviours appropriate for a 3 year old, the children will vary hugely anyway.

My youngest is in reception now, and a summer born, and also quite 'emotional', and our first meet up before she started was a disaster. She cried, shouted, asked to leave several times, kept saying 'poo poo wee wee bum fart'. Her teacher has mentioned ADHD to us, although we haven't yet pursued a formal assessment. It has had absolutely no impact on her 'journey' she is very popular, been to many many playdates and parties. There was no judgment from other children or parents, no questions and no need for us to explain anything.

I wouldn't. Let him be. It's hard enough with out announcing a label

I wouldn't explain anything, these people don't need to know all about him.

And try not to bother with the WhatApp group, they are often a total nightmare. Summer meetups etc. all sounds a little over the top - it is far better to just send them to school and let them find their way once there. The parents who organise all this extra stuff are often the ones your really want to avoid!

Parents in my DCs' classes have mentioned it in passing on class Tapestry posts, which I guess is a middle way in terms of sharing the info.

There are at least three DC with autism in each of their classes. Some of the parents are very open and matter of fact about it which I think helps break down barriers.

Personally I find it a bit odd when children are clearly acting outside the norm and parents don't acknowledge it in any way.

I think at that age, you kind of notice which kids are usually paired up with a teaching assistant getting one to one support and physical reassurance, or have special arrangements made for them. I've never seen a diagnosis shared in a class WhatsApp group. But I have enough of a rough idea that if my kid said "Johnny is naughty, he always does X", I could explain in a general, age-appropriate way that everyone's different and some children find it hard to do XYZ etc.

I wouldn't introduce myself. Save introductions for in-person meetings. I would just use it for important information like school trios, homework etc